Fighting every day!

anniebean- Sounds like the two of you are from two different worlds. Whatever posessed you to marry this man?

I don't know what you situation is- Do you have children? Are they from this marriage, or your first, and if so, what are their ages? Can you support yourself?

You have left a lot of information out that would be helpful to people who might attempt to assist you. Please give us some more detail.

BTW, Welcome to A2K!

Phoenix~ Thanks for your interest in my little sob story
We married because we truly do love each other in some important ways...you know in the beginning of a relationship all things seem so rosy and good.
We started out the marriage behind the 8-ball though. All three of our kids with us, him working two jobs at the time and me single parenting his & mine. We had both left lying, cheating, theiving spouses. Which left both of us strapped financially.
We now have a business, he left his previous career and the home life has changed.
I have one daughter, 18 -from previous marriage- she's in 2nd yr of college- lives at home until later this year. We get along great.
He has two sons from previous. Older one is 18 and a junior in HS. He now lives with his mother nearby. He also "poops" in his pants and wears Depends underwear 24/7. That's another post altogether. ugh.
The younger one, 13- has lived with us since he was 6. He's a good kid when he tries
Re: my financial self support... Husband and I own successful business together. That is the biggest hurdle. Neither of us can sell out to the other if divorce was considered. The nature of our business is such that it requires both of us. This is one area where it is beneficial for us to be opposites. It really helps the sale of what we make.
Neither of us want to lose the business, and honestly he doesn't want me to go. He is very dependent and does not do well alone.
I realize I can't MAKE him learn to communicate and he isn't fond of change. He is a "good guy"- honest, hard-working, well liked by most.... but very stubborn and frequently dense His father is a lump of a guy and not much of a role model.
His mother is a ninny and he spent most of his time with her very closely as he was growing up.
This sounds egotistical, and maybe it is, but I am tired of his ignorance. Nice guy is great, but I feel stuck here- bored to death. I have friends and sisters to talk to- it's just at home and work the days are frustrating.
Thanks for listening.....

I know that it is unusual, but I have heard of couples breaking up as far as marriage is concerned, but remaining business partners. Is that a possibility for you?

It would be a pity for you to waste your personal life on a man of whom you have so little respect. It is really not fair to him either.

That's where I believe I feel the worst...the most guilty. I feel sorry for him because he knows how I feel and he would be happier with someone else as well. I have suggested divorce, but he has made it clear that is not what he wants.
Neither of us would do well in our business atmosphere after a divorce. It actually bonds us.
Sometimes I think I should just be the one to do the "work" marriage-wise, and learn to accept things the way they are. Not to expect anything- and then not be disappointed. Just be grateful I have a nice man who works hard and comes home at night. He doesn't drink, smoke, gamble etc.
....sigh.

Surely there is some way you can either buy him out of the business or have him buy you out. Unless you are providing perfectly required personal service (e. g. you're jugglers in an act, you're actors, ....), then someone, somewhere out there, can do your job, or his.

Really. Think about this. You must have competitors. There must be someone out there who does your kind of work. I really have a hard time believing that that's a completely, 100% locked door.

As for your marriage, it sounds a lot like you don't want to stay. You do not have children together (if I'm reading this all correctly) and the only thing that bonds you is the business. You need not hang around. Really.

Most likely, when my daughter moves out and is on her own in a stable situation, I won't feel as compelled to stay.
I feel like HIS mommy, too ....... I need to find a reciprocal relationship.
I want to move to a small town and open my own business alone- it would be a VERY different business, but something I could do alone. I grew up in a cultural, yet rural area of upstate NY and have really wanted to move back to that environment...he refuses. He's lived in this Southern city his entire life and likes it. ... another motivation for me to go. I will most likely research the legal aspects of selling my 1/2 of the corporation out to him, as that is the only reasonable possiblity. I wouldn't want to work with someone else...he is an incredible artist- and our "competition" is nearly nil. He may find someone to do my 1/2, but I doubt it would work very long and the business would suffer.
To be honest, I don't hate him or anything, I am just bored, aggravated, sad and unsatisfied. It is a blah relationship- peppered with annoyances.
His dull mind and wit coupled with his big heart is difficult. He is no more "at fault" than I. My lack of patience with him doesn't help.
The hermit life sounds quite appealing.

You don't have to sentence yourself to that life. And, as I'm sure you know, there are other artists out there. Even in upstate NY. Or on the 'net. It may very well be a situation where you can pull in some freelancers to do work from remote locations. You need not suffer emotionally or financially. Life doesn't have to be over.

Waiting 'til your daughter is on her own -- later this year, it appears -- is a good idea, and time to get your ducks lined up in a row. Investigate how to sell your half of the business. Figure out what it will cost to move. Scout out prospects for up there.

You can do it.

And if you find you don't want to leave, hey, that's okay, too, but recognize that inertia is very, very powerful, often much more powerful than true motivation. Don't let wanting things to be comfortable, settled and easy cloud your judgment.

Jespah~
Thanks, you're right. I have a lot of thinking to do.
Thanks for your input- I needed to vent, mostly.
Sometimes writing things out helps and getting other's perspectives keeps me from missing the forest for the trees.
This site is pretty good! I have been reading other posts, and I like the non- aggressive tone here. Some forums can get quite nasty and immature.
I am worried for the Suicide post person this morning, though.

Well, welcome to A2K.

Yeah, lots of folks are concerned re that topic.

I've gotta run -- lunch is calling -- love the sig line.

Hey, it stopped snowing!

there is a guy i like.....an ive known him for 5 years........and he knows i like him, but now he has a gal frinend that doesnt want him to be my friend.......and i cant let him go.......I love him to much.........but he doesnt like me.....im a huge mess.......i dont want 2 live anymore because i love him 2 much

help!!!!