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Wed 11 Jan, 2006 05:13 pm
I am engaged to be married next year. We both are divorced for a long time. We really get along great and are in love with each other. We do not live together right now. I have been married before and have two boys in their teens who live in another state. (not what I wanted) She has a 23 year old son living at home and is due to move out on his own in 6 months.
I have noticed the over last few months that she talks about her son alot. John this and John that, she went on a vacation with him and he comes up almost constantly. Quite frankly, I am so TIRED of it. I actually get along with him good, I don't think I am jealous or anything. It very annoying though. I don't want to say anything since that is the worst thing that could happen. I think she would take it the wrong way.You know, no one can say anything about a womens son etc..
Another aspect I was thinking of is, about six months ago, I was looking into getting one of my sons to live with me. She listened to my story and was supportive, but then a day later she was crying that things between us wouldn't be the same, that she wouldnt be number one anymore... etc..After thinking of it more and the fact that my ex was going to fight it and I couldn't afford 5k for a lawyer since my son is 17 anyways, I didn't pursue it.
I think I may hold a grudge that she carried on like that and that I dont feel like number one anymore. I dont want to be since thats her son.
I was thinking this may be a case of empty nest syndrome since she has been divorced for over 20 years and the son is 23.
Any ideas? thanks
IMO I thinks it a bit like tit for tat...you subconsciously get annoyed about listening to her go on and on about her adult son because you felt quite hurt at how she reacted about the possibility of your son as an idea coming to live with you...I feel that by her saying she wont be number one anymore with you was a bit childish and unreasonable as your children should always come first before any future partner and she should know that!
KiwiChic wrote:IMO I thinks it a bit like tit for tat...you subconsciously get annoyed about listening to her go on and on about her adult son because you felt quite hurt at how she reacted about the possibility of your son as an idea coming to live with you...I feel that by her saying she wont be number one anymore with you was a bit childish and unreasonable as your children should always come first before any future partner and she should know that!
yes, that makes sense. In fairness it was my decision as she said we will work through what ever I decided. I am am thinking the best way to deal with it is to not say anything. Once he is moved out we are going to live together 4 months later. The way she pampers her dog also bothers me but I had a cat that I loved so, thats not really an issue. I see your point and thanks very much for the reply.
like with any relationship it takes a wee bit of time for 2 people to come together and 'learn' to give and take and understand each others needs and work as a 'team' together while still holding on to your own identity as well, soon the things you think annoy you now wont even be an issue later on down the track....like the dog pampering :wink:
Good luck.
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