My friend is a war veteran, how do I help them?

Talking to them is about all you can do. There is a department of veterans affairs in each state, so if you could go online to find such an agency in your home state, click on the "contact us" link to get a number, you could call for some ostensibly professional advice on how to deal with this.

My fear was just saying the wrong thing to them, I was scared I was somehow going to make it worse...

Well, a "there, there" response which is not blatantly patronizing probably works best. When i came back from overseas, i tried to tell my sister of my horror (i was in the Medical Corps, and saw some pretty awful things, at age nineteen, at a time when i was definitely not prepared for it). Her response was shock and disgust, and the assertion that i shouldn't talk about it, that she didn't want to hear about it. That really hurt--it was years before i could talk about it again.

But i eventually came to realize that i had to talk about it, or it would become an emotional, metastisizing tumor within. Just listen, be compassionate, and don't be judgmental. You can do a world of good to just listen.

No, I listened last night, but they just told me how depressed they were and how miserable and how they had done everything they wanted to do with their life, almost as if they were giving up, which scared me, they are only 20!!

But I awoke out of my sleep and stayed on the phone for an hour, they also stated that they didn't want to see a therapist again...

But they said I did help and eventually I even heard them yawn and sound tired, then we said out goodbyes.

The psychologists at the VA are very experienced at treating Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Remember, you were called because you are a good, sympathetic listener.

Your friend wasn't expecting a magic cure--he just needed to talk about the past to pull himself together in the present.

Combat experience is a One Way Gate--you go through, you're changed forever. What your friend needed to know from you was that although he'd been changed, he was still human.

You provided that reassurance.

Under MA state law every town is required to have a Veterans Agent. Look on the WWW site of whatever town this person lives in and you should be able to find the contact info.

If your friend won't go to the VA on their own you can at least get in touch with the Vet's Agent yourself and get some basic info for who to contact and such so that you can have that available if you need it in the future.

Just keep in mind that the Veteran's Agent isn't any sort of medical professional. They are a point of contact to get information out to people on what Veteran's benefits apply to the person and how to access those benefits.