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Fri 6 Jan, 2006 10:12 pm
Hello all, first of all. Thanks all for reading and giving me advice and sorry for grammars mistake.
It kind of long.
When I first came to U.S, I didn't know English and I didn't go out much. It was 2000. So I went into a Chatroom and I met this girl. She live very far from me. We start to Chat and then Email and then we voice chat with each other. After a while, we trade address and write to each other. At first, she send me her Pic and I send her mine. First we used to talk on the Phone alot. But it was very expensive since she live in a different continent. And she send me presents and stuff for the holidays. At first I thought she was serious, since we live far and she spend alot of money on Phone calls and presents for.
After she get my Pic, for some reasons I feel like she not interested in me anymore. Or maybe it was just those "Online Game" that people play with other people heart. Then she still call, but then she gave excuse that Phone cost a lot so she said she call me less. Then as time go by, it became Less and Less. Then I feel was afraid that she mess with my heart, so I decided to stop calling her too. And then about almost a month, none of us call each other anymore.
Now it 2006. It has been 5 Full years has pass. I was about to forget her, but then during New Year, I was cleaning my house and I found all the letters, pictures, and gifts that she send to me back then in 2000. Then now I suddenly want to call her and see how she doing. I know that she is not interested in me, or maybe she even married now, since it been 5 long years. But something in my heart tell me that I want to call her and just to said Hi and see how she been over this pass 5 years.
I really don't know should I call her or not? Even if there no love between us, as a friend before I still want to know how she been. But I'm scare she forget me already since it like 5 years ago.....
Any advice be greatful, please help. Thank you everyone.
There's no harm in calling her...although that may be a tad imposing after five years.
If you really want to be tactful, you should begin with an email explaining what you've been up to these last few years while asking what she's been doing. Then tell her that if she wants to talk, she can call at whatever day and time is convenient (don't forget to give her your phone number in case she forgot) or she can just reply to the email. This way you're giving her a choice between a potentially stressful phone call and an easy email.
If she calls, you're all set. If she emails you back, just keep up the email correspondence and she may eventually warm up to the idea of calling you again. Or she may ignore your email, in which case you know how she feels.
By the way, welcome to A2K.
Thank you, I did think of that and do that before I came up here ask for advice.
The email that she used 5 years ago talking to now she close it. I email her like how you said but it bounce back and said that the Email have been discontinue.
That's why I wonder should I call her?
Everything that have had happen give me the feelings that she was just playing those Online mind game with me. I did give up on this 5 years ago but it just that since I clean up my room, I found all the letters and stuff, and it once again strike back at me.
This is very silly, I know. Love online is very hard, but at the time, I barely set my foot on America and I don't have any friends so I just go online to the Asian Chat room where we chat in our Language and I met her.
Now think about it, I think I should just let it go. It been 5 years, if she ever think of me she would have call already.
I would go ahead and call her. It's not worth it to lose a friend simply because they didn't call first.
However, I'm interested as to what these "Online mind games" are. I had a friend who was stalked by an ex because he thought that "Leave me alone" was just a joke -- I hope you're not in the same situation, but playing the part of the ex. If she ever said anything along those lines, she probably meant it.
What? I don't understand what you trying to said? U saying am a stalker?
I think I need to explain the whole situation more clearly.
I am Taiwanese, when I first came to U.S I got no friends so I go Online and I met her. I live in in USA and she live in Hong Kong. OK, this is a BIG BIG GAP between us.
U think I have time to go stalk her? Seriously, I got a job, I need food, money and everything if I want to go to Hong Kong just to stalk her.
And I said Online Mind Game because I feel that she play mind game with me. Because at first she said she likes me and stuff, and send pictures and gifts for me but then suddenly after she got my Pics, she stop calling me and stuff. So who playing game with who?
Bottom line, I just think she was just messing around and after she got my Pics, she think I am not comparable with her.
And you are right, doesn't matter if she mess with me or not, a friend is still a friend. I don't mind calling her but it 5 years already, she might be married and have kids. I don't want to disturb her life, 5 years is a long time.
Simple wrote:... I think I should just let it go. It been 5 years, if she ever think of me she would have call already.
You might be right, Simple. It depends on what you expect from her. If it's
just to say hello, that's fine. But on the other hand, she might might not
want to rekindle the friendship, if that's what you're hoping for.
I always enjoy hearing from people that I was involved with years ago. Even if it's someone I got fed up with and dumped or something...after the years have passed, everything has been forgiven, and there is a sense of connection from the time that has passed. It's interesting to see where they ended up. So I don't think there's any harm in calling her, to say hello. But don't expect to have the friendship back.
Simple, I wasn't sure what those "mind games" were. It doesn't sound like you would be a stalker but, like my example, it's possible to think that there's more to a relationship than the other person is comfortable with all because of a simple misunderstanding. Thankfully, it sounds like you aren't in that kind of a situation.
I agree with Individual's original reply; contacting people who have drifted out of your life assumes a lot of risk, but you should go for it. Not so much to rekindle the friendship, but more to honor the past friendship.
The main thing is, you need to contact her with zero expectations; that is, contact her for you, to satisfy this need you have to reach out to her, and once it's done, it's done.
You shouldn't be contacting her with the hope of getting her back into your life. It's true, there's a chance that could happen, but just take one step at a time. The next step might be that you resume communicating, or it may be that you are satisfied that the relationship has closure and are able to move on. Whatever it is, it's gotta be better than the limbo you're in now.
All best.
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