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Mon 2 Jan, 2006 05:49 pm
The 10 Commandments
George Carlin
Here is my problem with the ten commandments- why exactly are there 10?
You simply do not need ten. The list of ten commandments was artificially and deliberately inflated to get it up to ten. Here's what happened:
About 5,000 years ago a bunch of religious and political hustlers got together to try to figure out how to control people and keep them in line. They knew people were basically stupid and would believe anything they were told, so they announced that God had given them some commandments, up on a mountain, when no one was around.
Well let me ask you this- when they were making this up, why did they pick 10? Why not 9 or 11? I'll tell you why- because 10 sound official. Ten sounds important! Ten is the basis for the decimal system, it's a decade, it's a psychologically satisfying number (the top ten, the ten most wanted, the ten best dressed). So having ten commandments was really a marketing decision! It's a political document artificially inflated to sell better. I will now show you how you can reduce the number of commandments and come up with a list that's a little more workable and logical. I am going to use the Roman Catholic version because those were the ones I was taught as a little boy.
Let's start with the first three:
I AM THE LORD THY GOD
THOU SHALT NOT HAVE STRANGE GODS BEFORE ME
THOU SHALT NOT TAKE THE NAME OF THE LORD THY GOD IN VAIN
THOU SHALT KEEP HOLY THE SABBATH
Right off the bat the first three are pure crap. Sabbath day? Lord's name? strange gods? Spooky language! Designed to scare and control primitive people. In no way does superstitious nonsense like this apply to the lives of intelligent civilized humans in the 21st century. So now we're down to 7. Next:
HONOR THY FATHER AND MOTHER
Obedience, respect for authority. Just another name for controlling people. The truth is that obedience and respect shouldn't be automatic. They should be earned and based on the parent's performance. Some parents deserve respect, but most of them don't, period. You're down to six.
Now in the interest of logic, something religion is very uncomfortable with, we're going to jump around the list a little bit.
THOU SHALT NOT STEAL
THOU SHALT NOT BEAR FALSE WITNESS
Stealing and lying. Well actually, these two both prohibit the same kind of behavior- dishonesty. So you don't really need two you combine them and call the commandment "thou shalt not be dishonest". And suddenly you're down to 5.
And as long as we're combining I have two others that belong together:
THOU SHALT NOT COMMIT ADULTRY
THOU SHALT NOT COVET THY NEIGHBOR'S WIFE
Once again, these two prohibit the same type of behavior. In this case it is marital infidelity. The difference is- coveting takes place in the mind. But I don't think you should outlaw fantasizing about someone else's wife because what is a guy gonna think about when he's waxing his carrot? But, marital fidelity is a good idea so we're gonna keep this one and call it "thou shalt not be unfaithful". And suddenly we're down to four.
But when you think about it, honesty and fidelity are really part of the same overall value so, in truth, you could combine the two honesty commandments with the two fidelity commandments and give them simpler language, positive language instead of negative language and call the whole thing "thou shalt always be honest and faithful" and we're down to 3.
THOU SHALT NOT COVET THY NEIGHBOR"S GOODS
This one is just plain stupid. Coveting your neighbor's goods is what keeps the economy going! Your neighbor gets a vibrator that plays "o come o ye faithful", and you want one too! Coveting creates jobs, so leave it alone. You throw out coveting and you're down to 2 now- the big honesty and fidelity commandment and the one we haven't talked about yet:
THOU SHALT NOT KILL
Murder. But when you think about it, religion has never really had a big problem with murder. More people have been killed in the name of god than for any other reason. All you have to do is look at Northern Ireland, Kashmir, the Inquisition, the Crusades, and the World Trade Center to see how seriously the religious folks take thou shalt not kill. The more devout they are, the more they see murder as being negotiable. It depends on who's doin the killin' and who's gettin' killed. So, with all of this in mind, I give you my revised list of the two commandments:
Thou shalt always be honest and faithful
to the provider of thy nookie.
&
Thou shalt try real hard not to kill anyone, unless of course
they pray to a different invisible man than you.
Two is all you need; Moses could have carried them down the hill in his pocket. I wouldn't mind those folks in Alabama posting them on the courthouse wall, as long as they provided one additional commandment:
Thou shalt keep thy religion to thyself.
Well, but why do we need two? We already have the courts and John Law to jump our ass if we get far out of line. I think Moses could have come down with his hands in his pockets, whistling, eager to get on with the search for the promised land.
You know what, you all want us to keep our religion to ourselves?
1) Then stop making threads about it when you don't believe in it but all you want to do is ridicule God.
2) Stop trying to tell us how to practice our religion. Remember, you don't even believe in it so how would you know how to practice it?
3) Stop giving us ammunition such as 200 Ways to Tick off an Atheist.
4) Stop trying to tell us that Only Atheists this and Only Atheists that.
5) Admit that the real contradictions of the Bible are the ones that contradict what you want to do.
That's just a start. You want us to keep our religion to ourselves? Fine. You keep your lack of religion to yourselves.
We gotta deal guys? :wink:
That's the main reason they do it I bet. To start arguements. That's plain to see.
Wanda
This thread was begun in fun and you Christians don't have to even look at it if you don't like what you see.
As a Christian, let me add my comments:
I think we could have done with one commandment. This would have covered all things and prevented all of today's societal and religious problems.
1. Thou shalt not be selfish.
Think about it--selfishness leads to greed, adultery, theft, reckless driving, overeating, overspending, arrogance, and probably atheism, too.
My second comment is that I agree with Momma Angel. Anti-religious humor and commentary is often created/encouraged by the non-religious, but same are ultra-sensitive (and sometimes scream "civil rights violation!") when the religious stand up for themselves.
General Tsao
So stand up for yourself where you are threatened. Nothing going on here to be upset about.
edgarblythe wrote:So stand up for yourself where you are threatened. Nothing going on here to be upset about.
edgar,
That first post makes fun of the Ten Commandments. You may find it funny. Others may find it funny. I and others do not find it funny and I assure you, God does not find His word being perverted for your pleasure funny at all.
Like I said, you want us to keep religion away from you? Then stay away from us! This is the Spirituality & Religion Forum NOT THE ATHEIST FORUM! So, if you come in here expect to hear about God. If you make fun of God, expect to hear it's not acceptable. You and others have told me that I should expect the kind of posting that ridicules God and believers in the Spirituality & Religion Forum. Fine, I expect it. But I'm not going to sit quietly by while you and others slander God, His Holy Word, or His Children!
Now, if you can deal with that, fine. But I and many others will stand up for what we believe and the God in whom we believe. He is much stronger than you and a million atheists combined.
I told you Christian does not mean doormat, nor does it mean stupid.
So, we gotta deal or not?
Doesn't one of the commandments have something to do with coveting the neighbor's wife?
That's the one I'd like to see eliminated. Bill Jensen, my neighbor, has this really hot wife and I have been coveting the hell out of her.
We did not go after you or anyone else, Momma Angel. George Carlin is a very funny man and you don't have to be an atheist to appreciate him.
I refer you to my new thread called offending posts, Momma Angel, and I have said all I intend to say on the topic. You do not own any part of this forum, nor do I. I will use it without censorship from you as long as the mods allow my presence here.
Why did you write that in blue, Momma Angel?
maybe cause it goes pretty with green.
George Carlin's a riot. I love the Joe Pesci bit...
"You know who I pray to? Joe Pesci. Joe Pesci. Two reasons; first of all, I think he's a good actor. Ok. To me, that counts. Second; he looks like a guy who can get things done. Joe Pesci doesn't f*ck around. Doesn't f*ck around. In fact, Joe Pesci came through on a couple of things that god was having trouble with. For years I asked god to do something about my noisy neighbor with the barking dog. Joe Pesci straightened that c*cksucker out with one visit."
edgarblythe wrote:This thread was begun in fun and you Christians don't have to even look at it if you don't like what you see.
This is what I feel, only the opposite.
If the nonbelievers don't like what they see, then they don't have to constantly attack us about it.
It's to be expected however.
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