i dont feel 'perfect' enough for him...he LOVES skinny

Amanda- He likes skinny blondes, but he has been dating YOU for a year.
Obviously, there is something that he finds very attractive in you.

I am a bit disturbed as to why you think that you need to live up to this supposed ideal. I really think that you need to explore this issue, and figure out why.

Do you know what the problem is with "perfect"? It is absolutely unattainable, no matter how you try. Trying to create perfection is ultimately a frustrating and potentially self destructive folly.

When I started dating my wife, she was a thin 115 lbs and in my eyes very lovely. We have been married now for nearly 24 years. Through those years she has picked up a few lbs, partially due to some medication she has to take. She now weighs about 170. But you know what? I wouldn't trade her for anyone. It's all about LOVE, not perceived beauty. If he loves you then a few extra lbs don't matter and never will.

Oh, and BTW, I still look at thin, young women. One look is allowed. A second look may get me in trouble, but once is allowed. :wink:

Why is it more important for you to be someone elses expectation of "perfect"?

Why not please yourself, and look the way YOU want to?

Personally, I think those "perfect" types, both male and female, look like cookie cutters, boring.




Question.....If you felt you had absolutely no one to answer to but yourself, what would you choose to be and look like?

Why not be that person?

If some people don't like it, tough. Who the hell are they to say how you should live your life?

Do others life their lives according to YOUR expectations?

Ah, I can't tell you how good it is to be a guy who loves juicy booties. Dumb guys who go after anorexic dimwits just leave more for us.

amanda

just did a search on your posts....

Is this the same guy that you were thinking might be gay, and that had a problem with you meeting his parents?

I don't see the big attraction myself.

Sir Mix-a-Lot, is that you?

No, seriously, body image distortion is a huge (no pun intended) problem, particularly in Western countries. We're bombarded with images of the tiniest of the tiny and told they are the ideal and are "normal". I recall someone telling me, in 1980 I think it was, that Jessica Lange was horridly obese. Huh?

Average size for American women is a 14. Supermodels tend to clock in at about a 1 or a 3. Even plus-sized models tend to be about a 12 or a 14, even though plus sizes go up to 26 and beyond (these run in even numbers, whereas "junior" sizes, which is what supermodels generally are, because they don't have much in the way of chests, run in odd-numbered sizes).

Although the enlarging of the American waistline is certainly due to more sedentary jobs and an abundance of high calorie food (plus women not breast-feeding much after giving birth), it may also be due to successful anti-smoking campaigns and the fact that the average American age is the highest it's ever been or close to that. Plus, how many people are on ADHD or bi-polar disorder or other anti-depressant medications? Those also help pack on the pounds.

But enough about weight. Let's talk about you. As Phoenix said, this guy is with you, not a California blondie Paris Hilton type. And, keep this in mind, the sexiest part of anyone's body is in their head. You'll be fine, just be yourself. Isn't that a worthwhile thing to be?

PS Gargamel, thanks for making me smile.

How old are you?
When I was around 20, this was a big deal to me too. I tried all different colours of hair, worked out trying to get 'perfect' abs, and had this idea in my head that I had to look a certain way to be beautiful. Problem is, the idea of beautiful, the chase, is always changing.

Looking one way to be beautiful is a lie.

Even if you become as skinny as Paris Hilton, dye your hair blonde, and become 'perfect', he will still find other people attractive. Yup. Can't escape it. If you are the skinny blonde, there will be guys lining up in your vision who want a darkhaired intelligent type. It's all in your perception.

I'm 26 now and life is a hell of a lot better without worrying if someone will like how I look. I look how I look and that is it. You can not win love with beauty; and pretending to be something you are not is a con.

There is a funny thing hiding behind all this. You may be afraid he will leave you because you aren't 'blonde enough, pretty enough' or whatever. How easy to do that; rather that face the idea that someone is with you for who you are, and may leave you for who are really are as well.

Please be nice to yourself. Show up as you are.

I think that it's okay to aspire to look a certain way, but only if the reason comes from deep within yourself. Listen to your heart above all other influences.

Do let your appearance reflect who you are. Don't change your appearance in response to boyfriends, marketing campains, or entertainment news reporters.

i need help....i really want a boyfriend idk why but i just really need someone right now i mean i like being independant and everythign but it bothers me that guys never look at me its really depressing

~lonely

Hey, there's someone for everyone. The best thing is to go out and meet people. Men, women, children, hobbits, whoever.

Just meet people. Say good morning to the mailman and hello to the people at work. Nod to your neighbors and smile at the guy bagging groceries at the market. Just, everyone.

And that will, over time, help you to meet men, because it helps to bridge a shyness/unsureness (is that a word?)/insecurity gap that so many of us have in meeting new people. When the stakes aren't high (after all, it's just a good morning to the meter reader), it's a lot easier to communicate.

Plus, most people adore folks who seem to have a lot of friends and acquaintances.

Oh and one more thing. Feel free to post here if you like. A lot of us are kinda shy folks and I think we've all been there at one time or another. Hey, loneliness happens. Hope we can help with that. Welcome to A2K.

Good observation, flushd.