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Need Suggestion

 
 
testcvs
 
Reply Mon 19 Dec, 2005 10:28 pm
Hi All,

I recently got engaged with a girl and andI have my marriage in 3 months. Mine is an arragned marriage.I have many grey hairs which I generally cover with the hair dye. Now my question is how should I discuss about it with my fiancee regarding this? I am not sure if its important to discuss with her or not. I have no other problems or issues or I should say she is aware of all other things about me expect my grey hairs issue.I know its not a big issue even if I tell her but I am not able to judge when shall I talk to her regarding this. Shall I wait till marriage?
Please suggest.
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Type: Discussion • Score: 1 • Views: 1,096 • Replies: 14
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Charms
 
  1  
Reply Tue 20 Dec, 2005 12:53 am
If she is not a pretentious woman, then she won't have a problem with it, who knows maybe she might even like the grey hair?

I think if it really bothers you that much, you should tell her now.
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kittengirl
 
  1  
Reply Tue 20 Dec, 2005 08:30 am
if its bothering you this much, as charms said just tel her! Who cares if you're grey?? Thats just like saying she wont like you bcos you've got brown hair, or blue eyes, for example.
Im sure she'll like you for who you are!
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CoastalRat
 
  1  
Reply Tue 20 Dec, 2005 08:40 am
Does it really matter whether you tell her or not? I say this because it is an arranged marriage, so it really will not matter because whether she likes the gray hair or not, she has little choice in going through with the marriage (if I understand fully the idea of arranged marriages, which I admittedly may not).

But that said, I would tell her in advance. I mean, even though the marriage was arranged, she still has a right to know as much about you as possible beforehand. One less thing to have to get used to after the marriage takes place.
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Phoenix32890
 
  1  
Reply Tue 20 Dec, 2005 08:48 am
testcvs- Welcome to A2K! Very Happy

I know that this is off the subject, but I have never known anyone who had an arranged marriage. In what country do you live? Did you have anything to say about this marriage? Have you met your fiancee? If you could have picked her out yourself, would she have been the one you would have chosen?

I hope that I am not coming off as presumprious, but I find the whole concept of arranged marriages fascinating.
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cyphercat
 
  1  
Reply Tue 20 Dec, 2005 09:34 pm
I wanted to ask the same things Phoenix did, I hope you'll be willing to share with us a few more details! It's so different to many of us, it's very interesting to hear about. Smile
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testcvs
 
  1  
Reply Tue 20 Dec, 2005 10:01 pm
Thanks a lot to all you guys for your replies. Yes I do want to tell her as that will be on mind till I tell her about it as I am not sure how she will take it if its a surprise. I know its not a big issue but .....

In what country do you live?
I am from India and Arranged marriages are still very common India.
Did you have anything to say about this marriage?
Hope its the best one.
Have you met your fiancee?
Yes we met at her house and chatted breifly and got engaged in a month and now probably be married soon.
If you could have picked her out yourself, would she have been the one you would have chosen?
I think so......For me I think marriage is all about love, patience and compromise. But I think she is the one with whom I can stay with absolutely no complains for the rest of my life......

Again thanks a lot for all the valuable & useful reply.
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Charms
 
  1  
Reply Wed 21 Dec, 2005 12:58 am
Goodluck with the "Grey hair" and please let us know how it played out!

And oh yes

!!WELCOME TO A2K!!
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roverroad
 
  1  
Reply Wed 21 Dec, 2005 01:04 am
Re: Need Suggestion
If all that you are worried about are a few gray hairs than I'd say you don't have much to worry about. More than likely, she probably has a few touched up parts her self.
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sakhi
 
  1  
Reply Wed 21 Dec, 2005 02:25 am
http://www.journalism.sfsu.edu/www/pubs/prism/nov95/23.html

A good link on arranged marriages in today's India.
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Phoenix32890
 
  1  
Reply Wed 21 Dec, 2005 06:27 am
chinmayee_s- Thanks! That was an enlightening article. One thing that I was wondering. If the parents pick out the mate, one would assume that the couple would have less in-law problems than we have in the western countries. Could you address that please?
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sakhi
 
  1  
Reply Thu 22 Dec, 2005 04:58 am
The link I posted earlier applied to urban, modern Indian couples as you must have guessed.

As for in-laws, I think they are dreaded in India, just as much as everywhere else Wink....Culturally, I think we are more inclined to "respect the elder members of the family" and in India, there isn't as much importance to the individual as much as in the west.

Sensible (IMO atleast) Indian couples prefer not to live with either set of in-laws. However, a majority of Indian couples stay with the husband's parents. So, the wife has to bear the additional burden of "adjusting" with her in-laws. Sometimes it works very well, sometimes it doesn't.

Here's another intesresting link on Indian in-laws.
http://www.aliciapatterson.org/APF001971/Skerly/Skerly09/Skerly09.rtf
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Phoenix32890
 
  1  
Reply Thu 22 Dec, 2005 06:25 am
chinmayee_s- Fascinating article....thanks. I had read, many years ago, a story about an American woman who married an Indian man, and moved in with his extended family. Her insights in reference to familial relationships were similar to those discussed in the article that you posted.

That aricle was written in 1971, which was probably around the time that I had read the story that I mentioned. Has there been much change since then, especially amongst the more educated classes?
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flushd
 
  1  
Reply Thu 22 Dec, 2005 08:38 pm
Great articles, Chin. I'm just gonna sit and watch Phoenix and yourself discuss this bc it's very interesting. Razz
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sakhi
 
  1  
Reply Thu 22 Dec, 2005 10:48 pm
One more link on arranged marriages:
http://chocolateandgoldcoins.blogspot.com/2005/07/indian-roulette.html

And this is a review on "Monsoon Wedding", a recent Indian movie, which was, i think, a good reflection of today's urban Indian marriage scene
http://hinduism.about.com/library/weekly/aa121601a.htm

Phoenix32890 wrote:
chinmayee_s- Fascinating article....thanks. I had read, many years ago, a story about an American woman who married an Indian man, and moved in with his extended family. Her insights in reference to familial relationships were similar to those discussed in the article that you posted.


Interesting....do you have the link?

Phoenix32890 wrote:
That aricle was written in 1971, which was probably around the time that I had read the story that I mentioned. Has there been much change since then, especially amongst the more educated classes?


Good question, phoenix..But India being so diverse it's difficult to gauge the change. Some things have changed - like women's clothes. No eyebrows raised at cleavages or bare midriffs - i'm sure that was not the case, in 1971. More women work now and are independent. And women have equal say in family decisions (even when in-laws live with the couple).

I do know that a lot more older people plan their retirement well, lead active lives, and enjoy themselves independent of their sons and daugthers-in-law (irrespective of whether they live together or not)....

But not everything has changed in the direction of progress...take a look at this link:
http://www.boloji.com/wfs2/wfs298.htm
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