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Wed 14 Dec, 2005 03:42 pm
I wasn't sure if I should post this under humor or business. But enjoy the business news story:
Atlanta, GA multi-media provider Cox Communications completed its planned merger with Ucker Media, a California based provider of internet services. The company will be re-named Cox-Ucker Inc.
Cox Communications has been a leader in the southwest for nearly 10 years. Most of the men and women in the South have Cox.
"I've always enjoyed Cox", said Phoenix, AZ resident Sylvia Grant.
"I have enjoyed Cox for several years", intoned area business manager John Stelling, "I hope this new Cox-Ucker can do just as well".
Some people were not quite as enthusisatic about the recent merger. Area business owner Ralph Guspacho said, "Cox-Ucker can suck my (expletive deleted).
Martha Focker, a Cox-Ucker spokesperson said, "with the merger of these two powerhouses we will provided Cox-Ucker to most of the homes and businesses in the southwest and 18 states. This will pave the way for easier high-speed internet, cable TV, telephone and other Cox-Ucker services".
Focker also stated that the new company will build a 50 story office building in downtown Atlanta, GA. The company plans to remove existing businesses with the newly revised "eminent domain" laws. Focker says that the Cox-Ucker empire is worth more to the community than a few apartments, stores and family restaurants.
"The eminent domain laws save the company money" she stated, "Instead of having to offer three or four times the market rate to buy the businessess out we can simply pay below-market rates and have the government kick them out. Of course, we will pass the savings along to the consumers".
The company has changed all of its letterhead and business cards. Their office answering system already greets customers with "Thank you for calling Cox-Ucker..."
A spokesman for Qwest Communications, formerly Cox biggest competitor said, "We can't compete against this Cox-Ucker. We must devise a new plan to prevent Cox-Ucker from driving us out of business!"
Newly appointed Cox-Ucker CEO George Graverly said in a prepared statement, "We intend on providing the best services to our customers and investors. Our new motto is Do Buisness the Cox-Ucker Way".
There have been fears of massive layoffs and restructuring. To allay these fears, Graverly suggested that people who don't want to work for the company should quit.
Nick, I find it difficult to believe that the "mergerees" did not have a secret laugh or two over that entire thing. Funny, buddy.
Thanks Letty. It seems everyone where I lives has Cox. Ucker was a real company at one point but I don't know if they still exist.
Well, Nick. It's AOL Time Warner, here, but called Bright House in my specific area. They could probably jazz up their corporate name a little. <smile>
I often wonder whatever became of Kak and IBredd.
Hey Letty. Kak is still active spewing her venom on Seattle-Buzz. I have no idea what happened to IBredd. Perhaps he has adopted a new lifestyle and joined a gay commune.
never been on that forum, Nick. Cobalt has disappeared, as well. Pity that.
I noticed that there was an ice storm in the South. Hope you aren't involved in that, buddy.
Come on over to WA2K radio once in a while. We'd all love to see you there.
I am now living in Arizona Letty where ice storms are unheard of. Coincidentally, Cobalt is my roomate. She's doing pretty well. I must make it a point to get into the radio thread.
By the way, I must hyphenate Seattle-Buzz because when I enter the name without the hyphen A2K does this: SeattleBuzz.
See?
Cobalt is your room mate?

Upon my word, Nick. Well, buddy. Glad you are in Arizona and we won't mention that other place.<smile>
Tell Cobalt that Letty says, "hello."
Letty, Cobalt was asking about your husband. Is he still with us? All the best to you. Nick.
No, Nick. Bud died right after my birthday.
I know you are, honey, but I have loved this funny thread. check your PM's, Nick.