Just need a couple of opinions

Not sure what your question is....it sounds like you've aready decided you want out.

And if that's what you want, you must do it. It won't save her any heartache if you continue with a loveless, unhappy marriage.

I think that having second thoughts are pretty normal. Your life changes dramatically after marriage and takes some time to get used to. Did you feel this way before you were married? If not, has anything changed to make you feel this way after you were married? If not, are sure you want out of this or are you still in the transitional phase and just freaking out a little bit?

Oh... and good thought on working this out before having kids. Until I read that, my first advice was going to be: What ever you do... don't have kids yet.

Oh... and welcome to A2K.

alone time?
Hello * I feel like that too, maybe you are spending too much time together...maybe every weekend you guys should go your seperate ways and do your own thing...???
Sounds to me like u just need some alone time...maybe you were just lonely when you got together...you weren't desperate were u ?
i dont know i am young and married so i know how u feel cuz i feel it everyday as well :/
good luck anyways ... this is NOT PROFESSIONAL ADVICE LOL

Do you want my HONEST opinion?

You have to grow up and face your responsibilities.

You went out with this woman for four years before marrying her. That would mean that you knew her well, and therefore made an INFORMED decision to marry her.
You have now been married for a year. I would imagine that married life is bringing forth lots of responsibilities, as you are possibly saving up to buy a house, or paying a mortgage that you have already started. If not, then you would have probably been spending money on furniture and general "nest building".

This aspect of early married life is daunting, and is NOT as much fun as when you were single, with spare money in your pocket and friends to hit the town with.
Or so you think.

I started going out with my girlfriend at seventeen, married her at twenty and watched all of my mates having a rare old time in my first year of marriage, as I spent all of my wages on household expenses.
After about a year (very similar to your situation) the rebel came to the surface, and I ht the town with them, on a regular basis, for about a month.
I soon realised that it wasn't as much fun as I remembered, and came to the crossroads where I made the decision to make the most of my situation and get on with life as a married man. We looked at how we could put some fun back into life and were soon going out and doing things together.
Over the next couple of years, we gradually formed a very close relationship, and when I look back on the time when I wanted to break free, I cringe at how silly I was being.

Being married doesn't mean that all the fun in life has to stop. What it CAN mean, is that you form a very close, almost telepathic bond with another human being, so that when you go out (or stay in) to have fun, you will have someone to share it with, right the way through your life.
But you have to work hard at it in the first couple of years, and be prepared to make some compromises.

The question I should have asked right at the beginning is, what makes you think that your life would be better without her?

You tell 'em Lord E!

I can tell you now, the first year of our marriage was touch and go. I HATED the fact that I was no longer footloose and fancy free. A male colleague of mine sat me down and gave me the same talk that I have just spouted, and at the time, it made me even more miserable with my situation.
It's a man thing, I think.




Postscript.
Ten years on, I went for a "lads night out" with several of my early friends. I have never seen a more miserable bunch of people. All of them were past the "thirty" milestone, none of them married (seven mates, that I have known for donkeys years) ...all still going to the same Pub, doing the same things and p*ssing their money up the wall every night.
At THAT stage, I had broken the back of my mortgage, had a little family that I was proud of, and my best friend waiting for me at home.
A further nineteen years on, three of my mates have married and, into their late forties, they have kids who are just starting their teen years.
All three say that they wish they had got into married life years ago.

The other (still single) mates still sit at the same table at the same Pub, and are probably happy with that way of life.

Not for me, I'm afraid.

...ladies and gentlemen that was, for your listening pleasure, an excerpt from the book:

Of Life and Cabbage
(a story of what I did while I was here. Oh wait! I'm still alive. Make that, what I've done so far.)
by Lord Ellpus.

*deafening silence*

er --please, hold your applause

very confused - So what you are saying is that you have been exclusively with your wife since you were 17. Gee, that is awfully early to make a lifelong decision. The years between the late teens and early 20s are ones of great change. Often one person in the couple develops in a different direction from the other.

I think that it would be good for you to separate, and give both of you time to think things through.

If I could retract my post, i would. Foul mood yesterday and ending the marriage based on what you said is probably not the best idea.

Listen to Jpin and Lord E. They both have great marriages and great advice.

I should stay out of the relationship forum this week.

Trouble in paradise, Bella?

Thank you all for your advise.
No i have no mortgage actually my job i am at i get a free apartment. We have both spent a good bit of money setting up a place to live. But money is not the issue and neither is the responsibility. My dad threw me into working when i was 13 so i have had responsibility most of my life, one of the bad things is i was forced to grow up really quickly and have never really lived for myself. That is a bad thing and through all of this it makes me fell selfish. But then on the other hand you always have to worry about yourself.
The last thing i ever wanted to do was hurt her and like i told her i don't want to just leave i just need to find out the type of life i want so i thought maybe we could separate for a little while and see if that would help anything.
Would still appreciate opinions so please keep posting them.

Just cranky.

They switched up dosage on my medication again so that's always fun times.

Sorry to hear it... I learned some info the other day that made me think of you... something about the thyroid and boosting immune system functions... but for the life of me I can't think of what it was right now... thinking... thinking...

It's ok. Just irritating when I have these highs and lows. I am sort of in the middle of things and if I take more I am sedated, less and I am anxious and jittery.

Someone suggested creating space on the weekends- I like this. It's important for you and your wife to have a separate set of friends. Make sure you're doing the hobbies and activities that you enjoy, and pursuing your personal goals. Perhaps you can even find new interest, to enjoy alone and together. This can help if your feeling overwhelmed, suffocated or trapped. I really think there are a lot of options before separation. Besides, it will be hard to heal the hurt and startled trust. And please, don't feel guilty, your being human.

I've never been married, but I've been in committed relationships, for what it's worth.

Wow I had only glanced at the title of this topic and thought it said "Just need a couple on onions" this isn't a cooking thread at all.