How to revise a paper as a native English?

agang-Welcome to A2K!

Why don't you past the parts of your paper that you think are not worded correctly. If you do it, a little at a time, I know that there are lots of people here who would be willing to assist you!

Introduction of my paper
I really appreciate your help to reivse these two paragraphs from the first part of my paper:

Due to low melting point, ease of manufacturing, good working performance, good wet ability, good bonding strength and low cost, the eutectic 63Sn37Pb solder is most widely used in electronic industry for mechanical connections as well as to provide electrical and thermal conduction [1, 2]. Since the CTE mismatch of packaging assembly, thermal stress arisen from the connection of solder and substrate will cause the failure of solder, and eventually drive the whole assembly to fail. The reliability of solder joints under the thermo-mechanical fatigue becomes critical in electronic packaging.
The service temperature T of solder alloys is typically above half of their melting temperature Tm, i.e. their homologous temperature TH, which is the ratio between T and Tm is greater than 0.5. Because of this, the deformation behavior is governed by high temperature mechanisms like creep, grain boundary sliding, and relaxation [3]. In addition, the residual stress arising from packaging manufacturing process and the complicated stress state near the interface between solder and substrate make stress analysis of solder joints much more difficult. As it was proposed by Chen et al. [4] that solder joints in real electronic packaging structure are always subjected to asymmetrical cyclic loading. Under such loading condition, the cyclic accumulation of plastic strain, which is called ratcheting, will take place. The ratcheting deformation can accelerate damage accumulation and superimpose with fatigue loading, eventually reduce fatigue life.

You wrote:
Due to low melting point, ease of manufacturing, good working performance, good wet ability, good bonding strength and low cost, the eutectic 63Sn37Pb solder is most widely used in electronic industry for mechanical connections as well as to provide electrical and thermal conduction [1, 2].


How about:
"The electronics industry widely uses eutetic 63Sn37Pb solder in mechanical connections and electrical and thermal conduction because of its favorable working performance, wetability, bonding strength."

[This amounts to changing your statement above to Subject, Verb, Object order, putting adverb/s near the verb, and consistency in adverb/adjective style. Frankly, I think you might be better off hiring an editor or getting a tutor to explain each possible change, but I'll continue.

It looks to me that you "nounify" your expression and end up with long, unwieldy sentences. For greatest clarity, avoid breaking up your main message with interruptions.]


You:
Since the CTE mismatch of packaging assembly, thermal stress arisen from the connection of solder and substrate will cause the failure of solder, and eventually drive the whole assembly to fail. The reliability of solder joints under the thermo-mechanical fatigue becomes critical in electronic packaging.


Try this:
Thermal stress arising from the connection of solder to subsrate under CTE mismatch of the packaging assembly will cause the solder to fail and eventually drive the entire assembly to fail. Thermo-mechanical fatigue undercuts the reliability of solder joints--a critical factor in electronic packaging.

Me:
Above: more S-V-O restructuring.

More:
The service temperature T of solder alloys is typically greater than half the melting temperature Tm. Thus, high temperature mechanisms such as creep, grain boundary sliding, and relaxation, deform the connection if homologous temperature (TH), as the ratio between T and Tm, is greater than 0.5 [3]. Yet, residual stress from the packaging manufacturing process and the complicated stress state near the solder-substrate interface make stress analysis of solder joints difficult.

Me:
Just tightening up. I'm not entirely sure what you mean here--guessing. Again, think of what is happening--S-V-O and communicating it directly.

More:
As proposed by Chen et al. [4], asymmetrical cyclic loading always affects solder joints in real electronic packaging structure. The cyclic accumulation of plastic strain, which is called ratcheting, will take place under such loading conditions. Damage and deformity compound through a racheting process--accelerating damage and superimposing with fatigue loading--eventually reducing fatigue life.

Me:
Do you put footnotes at the end of the sentence? Is it OK in your style to put them in the middle?