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Foolish rant.

 
 
flushd
 
Reply Mon 5 Dec, 2005 05:35 am
Just a rant.

Do you ever feel like "Jesus, what the hell is wrong with me?" Mad
Maybe I'm a baby. Maybe I'm insecure. Maybe I've never had a real relationship in my life. Real as in: adult, healthy, satisfying, long lasting, having a future! Evil or Very Mad

I spent the evening with my boyfriend. It was a lovely evening; all went smoothly and we had some good laughs. I met a few more of his friends. Don't know yet about them; but they were civil. Later on, we spent the night alone together. Again; lovely and SHOULD have been satisfying and wonderful. All the right ingredients seem to be there. Fights are dealt with like human beings (took me a long time to learn this). Respect is there. Don't hold grudges against each other. Seeing more of each other and going deeper into each other lives.

So why do I feel like bawling my eyes out right now? I feel empty, unhappy, not well. I feel horrible. I've never told him I love him. I can't get out the words. I can't get out a lot of words when we are intimate. It all feels so...wrong. And I have no idea why. I enjoy his company. I like being close with him. I care about him. I think about his needs and what would make him happy, and I feel closer to my own self at this point in my life.

I don't know what I'm asking for. I did not expect this at all. It started when he was still here, and is still there. I think I just need to vent.
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Type: Discussion • Score: 1 • Views: 813 • Replies: 14
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Phoenix32890
 
  1  
Reply Mon 5 Dec, 2005 05:54 am
Quote:
I've never told him I love him. I can't get out the words. I can't get out a lot of words when we are intimate. It all feels so...wrong.


flushd- Look at youor words...................and you will know what's wrong, and why you are feeling the way that you do!
0 Replies
 
flushd
 
  1  
Reply Mon 5 Dec, 2005 04:10 pm
Yeah. Thanx Phoenix. A good sleep after a good rant did me wonders.

Thanx for being so kind Phoenix. And thank you everyone else for keeping a respectful silence.
:wink:
0 Replies
 
Bella Dea
 
  1  
Reply Mon 5 Dec, 2005 04:12 pm
flushd, it is probably all the things going on in your life, darling! You have an impending surgery that will change your life (for the better we all hope!). Of course you are a little on edge.

(((((hugs)))))
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sozobe
 
  1  
Reply Mon 5 Dec, 2005 04:23 pm
Well Bella is in one of her phases of going around saying what I'm thinking before I have a chance... I agree, there are major things going on that may well be affecting your mindset without having anything to do with your boyfriend per se.
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flushd
 
  1  
Reply Mon 5 Dec, 2005 04:23 pm
Merci Bella (hugs).
Merci Soz.

Smile

Thanks for understanding. I definetly am a little all over the place.
0 Replies
 
sakhi
 
  1  
Reply Mon 5 Dec, 2005 09:36 pm
((hugs))
0 Replies
 
Bella Dea
 
  1  
Reply Tue 6 Dec, 2005 07:47 am
sozobe wrote:
Well Bella is in one of her phases of going around saying what I'm thinking before I have a chance... I agree, there are major things going on that may well be affecting your mindset without having anything to do with your boyfriend per se.



Very Happy Sorry.

I've tapped into your psyche and am sucking the very thoughts out of your brain to use as my own...... muwahahahahahaha!!!
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Noddy24
 
  1  
Reply Tue 6 Dec, 2005 08:34 am
Flushd--

This month you can say in all honesty, "This isn't about us, it's about me."

Life changes are piling up in front of you and life changes--particularly in piles--are scary.
0 Replies
 
Chai
 
  1  
Reply Tue 6 Dec, 2005 08:42 am
Everyone sounds so right....

yeah, with what's coming up in your life, there are all sorts of undercurrents and ripple effects.

I'm glad you feel you can vent here.
0 Replies
 
Deler
 
  1  
Reply Wed 7 Dec, 2005 12:13 pm
It always helps to talk about things in life that suck, even if you don't get profound advice it's always nice to have your thoughts heard. I know what it's like to have pending life changeing surgery and it's a tough one to deal with esp when you try throw others into the mix. Look at the good every chance you get, hey you've got supportive people here on this forum =)
0 Replies
 
Noddy24
 
  1  
Reply Wed 7 Dec, 2005 12:58 pm
Flushd--

How does the world look today? Brighter? More dismal? Just confusing?
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flushd
 
  1  
Reply Wed 7 Dec, 2005 04:59 pm
Thanks for the encouragement.

I'm confused and very emotional today. I'm trying to keep my head on straight and just get through this time without making any major decisions I could come to regret later. My life is sooo different than it was last December. By Christmas, it is going to be even more drastic. It is like I have done a 180.

That saying "This too shall pass" is growing on me.
0 Replies
 
Noddy24
 
  1  
Reply Wed 7 Dec, 2005 05:31 pm
Flushd--

Not only will all this be behind you, you'll have a more interesting past and a happier present.

Hold your dominion.
0 Replies
 
Phoenix32890
 
  1  
Reply Wed 7 Dec, 2005 05:50 pm
Focus on the day after the procedure. It will be all behind you, and you will have solved a vexing problem. And then you can bore all your friends with, "Wanna hear about my operation"? :wink:
0 Replies
 
 

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