Foolish rant.

Just a rant.

Do you ever feel like "Jesus, what the hell is wrong with me?"
Maybe I'm a baby. Maybe I'm insecure. Maybe I've never had a real relationship in my life. Real as in: adult, healthy, satisfying, long lasting, having a future!

I spent the evening with my boyfriend. It was a lovely evening; all went smoothly and we had some good laughs. I met a few more of his friends. Don't know yet about them; but they were civil. Later on, we spent the night alone together. Again; lovely and SHOULD have been satisfying and wonderful. All the right ingredients seem to be there. Fights are dealt with like human beings (took me a long time to learn this). Respect is there. Don't hold grudges against each other. Seeing more of each other and going deeper into each other lives.

So why do I feel like bawling my eyes out right now? I feel empty, unhappy, not well. I feel horrible. I've never told him I love him. I can't get out the words. I can't get out a lot of words when we are intimate. It all feels so...wrong. And I have no idea why. I enjoy his company. I like being close with him. I care about him. I think about his needs and what would make him happy, and I feel closer to my own self at this point in my life.

I don't know what I'm asking for. I did not expect this at all. It started when he was still here, and is still there. I think I just need to vent.