In the past, along my childhood,... any problems here?

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My teacher marked a paper for me but because she is going to have a baby she will not come to school this semester anymore and I will not have a chance to ask her what is wrong with these sentences that she underlined in red. Please, help me. The sentences were these: In the past, along my childhood, living in a small town, I used to play in a beautiful garden. As everyone knew everyone there, all the adults of the neighborhood stayed cool. Then came the times of studies and my family moved to a bigger town.
Thank you for your interest and for your help.

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Quote:

In the past, along my childhood, living in a small town, I used to play in a beautiful garden.

Along is not the appropriate word in that sentence. During would be much better.

Quote:

As everyone knew everyone there, all the adults of the neighborhood stayed cool.

Was the weather hot in the neighborhood? "Stayed cool" is a colloquial expression, and should not be used in formal writing. It would have been better to describe the adults' behavior.

Quote:

Then came the times of studies and my family moved to a bigger town.

What does "then came the times of studies" mean? Are you referring to the fact that the children were of school age? I don't knw exactly what you meant, but I could guess.

"When I was ready to enter school, my family moved to a bigger town".

Was that what you meant?

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the sentences do not make sense if you are reading them. try not to use the same word in the exact same sentence, wait awhile before you use it again