Any happy long lasting relationships anymore

I think the reason that you see so many unhappy threads, is that people need to vent or ask advice when they are unhappy.

People who are happy don't really feel the need to go into great detail about why they feel that way.
One reason for this is that it could possibly come across as boastful or smug.

Try looking at the "what made you smile today" thread (General section).

It nearly always makes ME smile.

Most of us here are happy with our lot, methinks.

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Sure there are happy relationships. I'm in one. Smile

We do it by respecting each other, by treating each other like friends. Because we are friends. We do not go out of our way to hurt one another. We do our best to be kind, and to take an interest in (or at least a neutral position towards) things and people that are important to the other person.

We trust each other because we do trustworthy things. I don't know how else to describe that. We just don't screw with things needlessly, if that statement makes sense. We expect to trust one another. We do our best not to let the other person down. Honest and love come from these things, too.

He is the most important person to me. Ever.

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I'm in a lasting, happy relationship. There have been moments, some longer than moments, but we keep things alive by caring for and about each other and we learned a long time ago how fine a line there is between trust and feeling taken for granted.

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Yep. "My husband's so thoughtful and caring and sweet!" just doesn't warrant as many threads as the opposite. Maybe it should, but as LordE says, it's kind of weird (and fate-tempting) to start a thread on that subject.

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It takes two people of good character. Both people need to be in it for the long haul. It takes mutual respect and love. Be polite. It means listening to what the other person really has to say. In a good relationship the object is not to win the fight or prove you are right, but to compromise to where you are both comfortable with the outcome.

It helps if you have the same politics and values. It is important to feel you are getting as much as you are giving. It is crucial to help each other become the best they can be without resorting to harsh criticism, blame or nagging. Acknowledge the negative, but focus on strengthening the positive. Give praise and compliments out loud. And try never to create a wound that might be impossible to heal. Never do anything to your partner you would not want him/her to do to you.

(speaking from 15 years of relationship bliss - more or less)

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I suppose your correct, people do come on here to ask for advice on troubling situations. I guess my questions come more from a counseling session I had yesterday when he asked me what I thought of men and relationships. Once I thought about this my opinion was not very high, why I am not sure. I can only come to the conclusion that when I view most relationships around me I see unhappiness, unfaithfulness and disrespect. I do have some friends that are in wonderful relationships but the majority are not. I was told by him that I put to much into a relationship and don't request much back in return, I am not sure of why I do this either. I always thought I did it because I love the person and I never want them to doubt my love, also I enjoy doing nice things for people especially the one I love. I guess I just have questions to the ones that are successful with relationships and how they make it work.

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One additional piece of advice I found to be true concerning men: Looks how a man treats the women in his family (especially his mother) - it will be how he treats you.

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I do think that having a strong sense of self, being self-sufficient, is a big part of it. Keeping a sense of balance in the relationship is important. If one person is giving much more than the other, that can make the receiver uncomfortable; either guilty, if not as much is being given in return, or obligated, if the person goes and gives back just as a response, not out of a more organic desire.

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I just saw the older thread about 'Everyone argues' has been rekindled. My response in that thread applies to your question as well.

J_B wrote:

Giving this some more thought. The title of the thread is "Everyone argues" and Chai is in a state of disbelief that there are couples who don't argue. I'm not sure why that's so unbelievable but let me give it some thought.

Well, I don't like to argue. Apparently neither does Mr B. We don't necessarily agree on everything but we don't argue or try to change the mind of the other one.

I'm opinionated as hell and won't back down and at the same time I feel everyone is entitled to their own opinions even if they are different than mine. I guess I'm pretty much a 'live and let live' person as long as the person I'm trying to live with is the same way. He doesn't try to make me agree with him, I don't try to make him agree with me.

We both have approximately equal incomes, share the division of housework, he does the things I don't like doing (empty dishwasher, vaccuum), I do the things he doesn't like doing (laundry, cooking), we take turns making the coffee in the morning letting the other one get a few minutes extra sleep, treat each other with dignity and respect, decided early on that one of us needed to be the disciplinarian of our children so we didn't contradict each other, hardly ever watch movies together because we don't enjoy the same movies, he's an introvert, I'm an extrovert, we complement each other nicely.

After 16 years, I think we're doing just fine.

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I am in a relationship with my wife who means more to me than anything else. I can't imagine life without her and everytime I think I couldn't possibly love her anymore than I already do... she mearly smiles at me and my love grows even more.

Do not let other peoples problems scare you away from a long-term relationship. When you find the person you have been looking for, there really is no other feeling on earth like it.

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Re. the arguing thing.....if there are any men reading this that may be in need of advice, I have two golden rules.

After having been married to the same long suffering woman for nearly twenty five years, I now pass on this valuable information.

1. There are 2 theories to arguing with a woman...neither works.

and...

2. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

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Green Witch wrote:

It takes two people of good character. Both people need to be in it for the long haul. It takes mutual respect and love. Be polite. It means listening to what the other person really has to say. In a good relationship the object is not to win the fight or prove you are right, but to compromise to where you are both comfortable with the outcome.

It helps if you have the same politics and values. It is important to feel you are getting as much as you are giving. It is crucial to help each other become the best they can be without resorting to harsh criticism, blame or nagging. Acknowledge the negative, but focus on strengthening the positive. Give praise and compliments out loud. And try never to create a wound that might be impossible to heal. Never do anything to your partner you would not want him/her to do to you.

(speaking from 15 years of relationship bliss - more or less)

This is a brilliant post Green Witch...I read this and read it again, and I think you've summed up all the most important parts to having a healthy relationship just beautifully.

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Thank you cyphercat, it's always nice to know the typing time was worth it.

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Never be smug.

No matter that you are fifteen or twenty years in.

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Osso, Did I come across as smug? I certainly didn't mean to. The "recipe" I posted is based on experience- not just of my own, but by observing other happy couples. I find relationships fall apart when these basic concepts are ignored or forgotten.

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No, no, green witch. I meant that as additive, not as a dig - more as don't coast along, taking a mate for granted, keep paying attention.

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I am in one too!

Never go to bed angry, even if it means hashing it out until the sun comes up but always always fight fair. Don't dredge up the past. Once an argument is over, keep it over and don't bring it up again. And avoid manipulative actions like crying just to win or to make him feel guilty.

Don't do anything away from your spouse that you couldn't or wouldn't tell him/her about later.

Respect. Respect. Respect. Respect. Give it and get it.
(did I mention respect?)

Spend quality time together. Whatever that is. It might be talking or taking a walk every night. It might be sitting and watching tv together. Whatever makes you feel closer to your spouse. Do it. Every day.

Kiss every day and say I love you at least once a day.

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jpinMilwaukee wrote:

I am in a relationship with my wife who means more to me than anything else. I can't imagine life without her and everytime I think I couldn't possibly love her anymore than I already do... she mearly smiles at me and my love grows even more.

I always smile when Jpin talks about his wife. Very Happy

It's so sweet.

For all those ladies who keep asking where all the good men are....here's one. (Sorry that he's already taken, but I don't think Mrs. Jpin is giving him up!)

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ossobuco wrote:

No, no, green witch. I meant that as additive, not as a dig - more as don't coast along, taking a mate for granted, keep paying attention.

Okey dokey, understood.

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Any happy long lasting relationships anymore

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