Getting the first date with a woman; playing NO GAMES

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Hey, Everyone.

I was initially hesitant about posting personal stuff here but I'm doing so with the hopes I won't be judged too harshly.

I'm 26; my longtime girlfriend and I, on-again off-again, have parted ways several months ago. I feel I'm ready to move on but I've found that I'm unsure of how to approach a woman that I'm interested in whom I don't know all that well; I first approached my former girlfriend after knowing her for awhile, and that was so long ago.

MY QUESTION IS, how do women want to be approached by someone who is interested in a relationship with them?

I'm not one for casual dating; I don't want to play games and am not after the "1 thing." I would imagine that beautiful women get hit on all the time; I wouldn't want to communicate in a way that makes them feel hit on. I'm not interested in being a hunter and "standing out from the pack," I just want to be myself and let the girl know that I would really like to spend time getting to know her.

Or maybe the games are what they want?

Thanks in advance for your thoughts.

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Relationships ARE a game; you can't NOT play games. Razz

It's how you play the game. You can play with integrity and creativity; but the way I see it we all have to play or else drop out of socializing altogether.

You dont want to be aggressive. Okay. You can still meet a nice woman.

How you approach a woman depends on your personality, and the personality of the woman you are interested in. I honestly do not think there is one right way to do it. Different things work or don't work; it's hit or miss.

I think you just need to get in there and play the game.
Razz

Take a chance. Find an excuse to talk to her. Find out about her. Let yourself be known.

Good luck!

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Tell her exactly what you just told us. It seems honest, straightfoward, and I think most girls would be crazy not to appreciate that. If she isn't up for it then, then there are plenty of other beautiful, intelligent women out there who might very well be. Good luck.

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From a guys perspective:

Say Hi or hello. Leave out the "how ya doin?"

talk with her and not down to her. Ask non threatening, non personal open ended questions.

Ask her to meet you for something non-threatening non romantic. But sound make it so bizare that she thinks your a quack.

Play to your strengths but don't ignore your weaknesses.
Almost sounds like a job interview doesn't it? It is.
good luck and don't try too hard. If she feels or thinks your desperate she will ignorer you.
Be relaxed and confident but not arrogant.

Dress in a respectable manner. If you slouch when you walk, stand up straight. This exudes confidence. And confidence overcomes most other weakness you may have.
Oh and don't stare at her chest look at her face and eyes. But don't be afraid to not break eye contact. It's ok to glance away but not for long and don't stare. Did I say not to stare yet? A little psychology and sociology for you. When you sit with her, sit across from her. This allows better eye contact. The more eye contact(within reason) the stronger and faster a bond is formed.

Have fun

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wow, ralph, that's just so many things to think about....I'd go crazy with stress trying to plan out crap like that to make myself seem more perfect. I say, just go with the flow.

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flushd wrote:

Relationships ARE a game; you can't NOT play games.
It's how you play the game. You can play with integrity and creativity; but the way I see it we all have to play or else drop out of socializing altogether.

You dont want to be aggressive. Okay. You can still meet a nice woman.

How you approach a woman depends on your personality, and the personality of the woman you are interested in. I honestly do not think there is one right way to do it. Different things work or don't work; it's hit or miss.

I think you just need to get in there and play the game.

Take a chance. Find an excuse to talk to her. Find out about her. Let yourself be known.

Good luck!

I suppose I couldn't disagree more. Seeing though games doesn't make me fond. Life is long and art is even longer. Be yourself. If she loves you, then you have someone who loves your real self. That's a good start.

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Re: Getting the first date with a woman; playing NO GAMES

subtleone wrote:

I'm not one for casual dating;

I dunno know what you mean by this. But asking a woman out to lunch or something "casual" is the best first step. IMO

Quote:

I would imagine that beautiful women get hit on all the time.

Almost ALL women get hit on all the time. Beautiful women might get hit on more but they probably get less genuine interest than more average women because men fear approaching them and getting rejected. If you approah a woman like she is another person and don't think of us as sexual objects, get to know us as people and find common interests, you will do fine. Be yourself.

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Quote:

Almost ALL women get hit on all the time. Beautiful women might get hit on more but they probably get less genuine interest than more average women because men fear approaching them and getting rejected.

I have heard this many times. Its hard to know if this is true or not, without any evidence...it makes sense, but then again there are a lot of guys who are bold enough and would show genuine interest. You definitely cant think of the hot girls as easy catches, but I think theres at least some merit to this. But also bear in mind that they may be used to blowing off guys so you might have to get through their barriers.

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ossobuco wrote:

flushd wrote:
Relationships ARE a game; you can't NOT play games.
It's how you play the game. You can play with integrity and creativity; but the way I see it we all have to play or else drop out of socializing altogether.

You dont want to be aggressive. Okay. You can still meet a nice woman.

How you approach a woman depends on your personality, and the personality of the woman you are interested in. I honestly do not think there is one right way to do it. Different things work or don't work; it's hit or miss.

I think you just need to get in there and play the game.

Take a chance. Find an excuse to talk to her. Find out about her. Let yourself be known.

Good luck!

I suppose I couldn't disagree more. Seeing though games doesn't make me fond. Life is long and art is even longer. Be yourself. If she loves you, then you have someone who loves your real self. That's a good start.

Oss, I actually completely agree with you.

My whole point was that it IS a game *but that doesnt mean you have to be a playa*

I think I may have worded things poorly. The way I see it, there are rules to meeting/getting to know people. Ralph pointed out some good examples.
Ex: If a guy stares at my chest, he's not gonna get a lot of attention from me. It's a bad move.
Ex: If someone seems confortable in their own skin, that's an automatic bonus for getting my attention.

Sorry to be so confusing, but I didn't mean to give the wrong idea.

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I can only pass on advice based on previous experience, really.

One time I tried to demonstrate that I was serious, by showing how much interest I took in even the smallest details of a certain ladies life.
I walked up to her in a cafe, and showed her my notebook, listing all of her activities over the past month.

She kicked me in the goolies and had me ejected from the establishment.

Looking back, I think I should have taken off my night vision goggles, as they can look a little scary.

My advice would therefore be to remove any unusual headgear or electrical listening equipment before making first contact.

Women seem to be put off by surveillance gadgetry.

Good luck.

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i think you should just go out and do whatever it is you like to do and try to meet someone who shares your interests. that way you instantly have something to bond over.
personally im into climbing and meet lots of people out there on the rocks. it's easy to start a conversation and there's no pressure to make all this conversation out of thin air. you can always ask a question or offer to show her something and get a feel for the person before making a move.
i think its awesome that you're actaully looking for a relationship and not the usual dating around for the "1thing" crap. good luck....

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Lord Ellpus wrote:

I can only pass on advice based on previous experience, really.

One time I tried to demonstrate that I was serious, by showing how much interest I took in even the smallest details of a certain ladies life.
I walked up to her in a cafe, and showed her my notebook, listing all of her activities over the past month.

She kicked me in the goolies and had me ejected from the establishment.

Looking back, I think I should have taken off my night vision goggles, as they can look a little scary.

My advice would therefore be to remove any unusual headgear or electrical listening equipment before making first contact.

Women seem to be put off by surveillance gadgetry.

Good luck.

Damn that was funny. Heeheehee...

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Getting the first date with a woman; playing NO GAMES

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