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baby with cousin

 
 
Reply Tue 29 Nov, 2005 05:27 am
i am 16 and I was sleeping my cousin(my mum's cousin's son) who is 22 for 3 month's then i finished it 2 months ago because i felt guilty.But now i've found out i am 4 and a half months pregnant .
What should i do?
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Type: Discussion • Score: 1 • Views: 965 • Replies: 18
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mikey5time
 
  1  
Reply Tue 29 Nov, 2005 06:08 am
Wow.

Like, seriously.

Wow.

Kentucky?

Do they have <b>abortions</b> in Kentucky?
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stevie-lee
 
  1  
Reply Tue 29 Nov, 2005 06:32 am
i am serious
I am not from Kentucky
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Phoenix32890
 
  1  
Reply Tue 29 Nov, 2005 06:39 am
Can you discuss this with your parents? Do you want an abortion, or do you want to continue with the pregnancy? You need to make plans, immediately. If you want to go the aborton route, you need to make arrangements quickly, as you are working within a deadline.

If you want to keep the child, or give it up for adoption, you need to think things through. Check with the Planned Parenthood in your area. They can give you lots of help as to your options.
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sakhi
 
  1  
Reply Tue 29 Nov, 2005 06:40 am
Hi Stevie,

I'm not from your part of the world but since the others havent answered yet...

First, dont panic. Talk to an adult you trust - your mom, aunt, teacher, school counsellor...is there anybody you can talk to?
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stevie-lee
 
  1  
Reply Tue 29 Nov, 2005 06:43 am
I don't want an abortion and i want to tell my mum but i think she will hate me because my mum and his mum are realy close and we have been brought up like 1st cousins.
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Phoenix32890
 
  1  
Reply Tue 29 Nov, 2005 07:15 am
stevie-lee wrote:
I don't want an abortion and i want to tell my mum but i think she will hate me because my mum and his mum are realy close and we have been brought up like 1st cousins.


Hon, you are in a peculiar position. If you don't want an abortion, you need to realize that there is probably going to be some fallout, when your family finds out.

If you have a good relationship with your mother, you can work things out. You will not be able to keep this a secret much longer, so you really need to tell your mother very soon. We are here for you for moral support.

You also need to decide what you plan for the baby. Will you keep it? How are you going to support it? If you do keep it, the father is liable for support of the child. You need to make arrangement for that. Is he able to support the child?

Do the two of you want to get married? You would have to check the laws in your area to see if it is possible, if that is what you want.

Whatever you do, think ahead. There is a potential life that will be in the picture, and you need to think about what would be best for it.
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Bella Dea
 
  1  
Reply Tue 29 Nov, 2005 07:58 am
I don't think that legally you've done anything wrong but as for the morality of it, that varies with each family and culture. Talk to your mom. She's going to find out that this girl is pregnant and sooner or later, it's going to slip; that you are the father and all hell will break lose then. Also, consider that if you don't fess up, you might never be a part of that childs life the way you'd like to be.

Tough decision for someone who is still a kid but you've made your bed. Lie in it. Good luck.
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Crazielady420
 
  1  
Reply Tue 29 Nov, 2005 08:09 am
Have you told your cousin that you are pregnant yet? If so does he support your desicion?
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Green Witch
 
  1  
Reply Tue 29 Nov, 2005 08:44 am
Stevie is a minor, her cousin at age 22 could be charged with sexual abuse of a minor if her parents want to pursue that route.

Stevie-If you don't want an abortion, I would seriously suggest looking into adoption. You could have an open adoption where you could pick the parents and have a realtionship with the child, but not the huge expense of time and money that is need to raise a child. There are a lot of wonderful couples out there that would love to give your child a secure home with two adoring parents.

I also suggest you look into birth control after the baby is born. Statistics show that women who get pregnant once by accident tend to do it again (and again).
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Rachael0816
 
  1  
Reply Tue 29 Nov, 2005 08:49 am
Wow you are really in a hard spot!
What I think you need to do is just tell your mom, you will fell so much better after you did. She is your mom she will more then likely be mad, but I sure she will never hate you. Just get it over with and move on.
God, your so young.......good luck.
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stevie-lee
 
  1  
Reply Tue 29 Nov, 2005 10:04 am
Hi Crazielady420
Yes i have told him and he seems 2 think that it is not his problem and it would be better if i didnt tell my family that he is the dad because it will break the family apart.
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Crazielady420
 
  1  
Reply Tue 29 Nov, 2005 10:09 am
stevie-lee wrote:
Hi Crazielady420
Yes i have told him and he seems 2 think that it is not his problem and it would be better if i didnt tell my family that he is the dad because it will break the family apart.


Do you have a teacher or a student cousellor you can speak with... I remember in High school I had the school therapist I confessed everything to because he could not tell my family anything... though I was never in your predicament it did help a great deal

If you are 4 months along then soon you may start showing and your family will catch on... Honesty is usually the best thing to do and people that love you tend to forgive.. but at the same time I don't know you or your family...

If I were you I'd go to an adult that I can trust and tell them my situation...
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stevie-lee
 
  1  
Reply Tue 29 Nov, 2005 10:13 am
Crazielady420
thank's for your help
i will let you know how i get on with my mum
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Crazielady420
 
  1  
Reply Tue 29 Nov, 2005 10:24 am
Ok, just keep me posted and good luck... I am sure everything will work out just fine in the end, no matter what you choices are
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Phoenix32890
 
  1  
Reply Tue 29 Nov, 2005 10:28 am
Quote:
Yes i have told him and he seems 2 think that it is not his problem and it would be better if i didnt tell my family that he is the dad because it will break the family apart.


Is he planning to support the child?

What do you mean when he says that it is "not his problem"?
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JLNobody
 
  1  
Reply Tue 29 Nov, 2005 11:13 am
I assume you are British (your use of "mum"), and I don't know what the law is in England regarding statutory rape of minors, i.e., what age defines a minor. But if you are underage, it IS his problem.
The "cousin" situation is not an issue. First of all, you are not FIRST cousins, and--if you read the novels of Anthony Trollope--England, especially its upper classes, does not frown upon first cousin marriages as in some U.S. states.
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Green Witch
 
  1  
Reply Tue 29 Nov, 2005 11:50 am
"Not his problem"! - the courts will not agree and if you decide to keep this child you should definitely make some "problems" for him. In the USA a third of his pay check would be garnished for child support.

Don't protect this jerk - he has at least 50% of the responsibility in this mess. Your family will demand to know who the father is and a DNA test can prove who it is if he lies. Too late to worry about tearing the family apart, the deed is done, so face it like a grown-up and make the best of it.
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Lord Ellpus
 
  1  
Reply Wed 30 Nov, 2005 07:37 am
JLNobody wrote:
I assume you are British (your use of "mum"), and I don't know what the law is in England regarding statutory rape of minors, i.e., what age defines a minor. But if you are underage, it IS his problem.
The "cousin" situation is not an issue. First of all, you are not FIRST cousins, and--if you read the novels of Anthony Trollope--England, especially its upper classes, does not frown upon first cousin marriages as in some U.S. states.


In Britain, the legal age of consent is 16, so if Stevie is a Brit, living in Britain, then there will be no legal action.

I would say, either make an appointment to see a Counsellor via your school (are you still at school?), or via your G.P.

If you decide to keep the baby, then the father will be forced to provide financial support, via the Child Support Agency.

Tough situation.

Hope it all works out for you.
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