Mary Jane is back in his life

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Hey all, for those of you that don't know, Mary Jane referres to Marijuana. When my husband and I first started dating, he got really into smoking pot. I really don't like it and I have a very hard time being around it because of what it has done to my brother. My husband started doing it all the time, and then hanging out with his friends more than me and started lying about doing it even though I knew he was lying. When I would call him and ask him to come over he would say that he was at his house doing homework or something and couldn't come out, and sure enough I would drive by his friends house and his car would be parked outside. The lying got worse, the verbal abuse to me got worse, and at one point I almost ended the relationship...twice. He went away on some kind of awakening Mission church thing for a few months and when he came back he told me that pot was out of his life and he got rid of all the friends that he used to smoke with. That was about 3 years ago.

Last week we were over at my cousins house and she and her friend happened to be smoking pot. They set the pipe on the night stand right next to my husband who picked it up and told me that he was very tempted to smoke out of it. I thought this was very odd behavior for someone who "hates pot" and got rid of everything in his life that had to do with it almost three years ago. This to me was very suspisious behavior. So when I confronted him about it, he admitted to smoking it with one of our old friends.

Knowing this brings back all the pain I went through in our relationship when he was smoking it constantly. It was such a painful part of my life and to think that I could be going through this again is heart breaking. I don't know what I should do.

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it might help to hang around with people who don't smoke. there would be less temptation that way. i also think it's positive that he admitted he'd smoked. it might help if he joined some kind of support group of people who've quit recently, something like AA.

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His reasons for doing it were the same three years ago...yeah he did it, yeah he's sorry, yeah he hates himself...blah blah blah.

See I don't have a problem with people smoking pot. I personally don't like it, but it's their bodies. My husband has a VERY addictive personallity. It's never "it was only that one time." It's never a one time thing with him. Normally I wouldn't have a problem with it...but from all the things I remember that happened when he was on it...he gets really mean, verbally abusive, then he lies for no reason. He lies about who he was with, where he was, or what he did.

The other problem I have is the person he smoked with. He is like a brother to me. He knows all about the fact that I do not "allow" my husband to smoke any kind of substance because of his horribly additing personality. The fact that this friend knows that...yet still offers it to him compromising my trust makes him not a good friend.

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My response is much harsher. You know what his behavior is like when he's on drugs. You know how it makes his clothes smell. If you smell it in his clothes, ask him about it. If he admitts it, give him the choice. If he denies it, Bail!

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i glossed over the abusive behavior, big mistake on my part. if he can't help himself, then he has to get treatment, and if he refuses, then maybe there's no way to patch things.

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I have delt with the whole pot situation before.
It's about all too familiar, but I learned to just let it go.

Even though, if he is abusing you, then you definently need to get him help. I mean you love him and you can't just let his life go to waste on a drug.

I know it may not be as easy as it sounds, but hey, its for the best.

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Kitkat_bar--

In my experience pot smokers are usually mellow men rather than abusers.

In any case, you're involved with a chronic liar with a flair for Being Personally Colorful and Convention Ignoring.

Husband? Does "Better or Worse" cover covert addictive behavior?

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The other problem I have is the person he smoked with. He is like a brother to me. He knows all about the fact that I do not "allow" my husband to smoke any kind of substance because of his horribly additing personality. The fact that this friend knows that...yet still offers it to him compromising my trust makes him not a good friend.

This third party, pot buddy, may or may not have forfeited your friendship. In either case your husband chooses to dance with Mary Jane.

Bottom line. Do you want to live with a liar?

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You have two choices, I think:

1) Take him to NA, or AA if there isn't a good NA program in your area. Spouses are generally allowed to attend, I believe, as both support and assurance. Consider Al-Anon for yourself. Try to avoid family and friends who often use substances, and try to keep him away from them as well.
2) Leave him, or throw him out.

The 1st option is a lot more work but will probably be more fulfilling in the end. I can't say I know for sure, though.

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Mary Jane is back in his life

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