Playing with neighbor kids etiquette

I think a lot of this varies by neighbourhood/community. Here it is very much a drop on over and say hey when you see the kids are awake kind of thing. I saw it happening yesterday and today on the street.

I realized as I was reading along that I went through a similar sort of thing when I got Bailey - how to get him into neighbourhood doggie play groups at the local fenced in area. I mulled it over and mulled it over as we walked. Then when of the other dog-guardians said 'hey, how come you never bring your dog into the park while we're there?'. errrrrrrr, cuz i didn't know the protocol. Seems the kiddie and dog protocol here are the same - just come on over when you see us.

As awkward as those initial go on overs are, that's how they work. (and the 'rule' seems to be that the individual child goes over toward the group - things get trickier when it is two singletons - then it seems to somehow be based on the number of adults on site - my non-rigorous study suggests it's single adults approach groups in this neighbourhood).

Soz - just think how hard it is for people without kids or dogs - they've got nothing to break the ice with!

Go for it, girl.

I'm psyched. Psyched, I tell ya.

I'll let you guys know what happens.

Oh one more random thought, sparked by ehBeth's observations, I've noticed that blocks seem to be the unit of measurement for kidly interactions. Emily's swingset is populated by Jack and also the neighbor kids from behind them -- same block, different street. I know that the two boys who live a couple of houses down were good friends with the boy who lived here before we moved in. They're a bit old to play with the sozlet, I think -- 6 and 9.

At any rate, I think this is the summer that she will really start to play in the neighborhood, and probably it will all become clear as more and more people are out and about.

Sozzzzzzzzie - you're right about the interesting spatial relationships. There are tons of people that hamburger and mrs. hamburger think i should know because they lived on our street the whole time i was growing up - but i have noooooooo clue who they are because they were outside of my 'play zone' - we lived (they still live) in a corner lot. i didn't play with kids on either side of us, or on our side of the street for that matter - i only played with kids from the other side of the street - and then only from corner to corner, in a wedge from the corner lot. There were kids/families living closer that could easily have been on Mars for all i knew/know.

ehBeth, that's really interesting. I think when I was a kid I played with all the kids on my block -- across the alley and on my side of the street -- but that's it. No across-the-street friends.

OK so here's a little update. I saw them yesterday, but they had the grandparents over and it was totally not a crashable moment. Didn't see them today.

Meanwhile, I was out on a walk today with the sozlet and ran into one of the moms from the class/playgroup. (We seem to run into each other a lot.) She's really nice, and came over and gave me a big hug when she saw me. (I always have a hard time gauging hug-worthy occasions. Deaf culture is all hugs all the time -- "ERIC! I remember I talked to you for 5 minutes at the Deaf Expo in 1998! How have you been?!" <big hug>)

Anyway, the new session starts this week and I asked if they would be in it again (we've been in the last 2 together, kids are a coupla months apart), and she said no, and we chatted for a bit, and I was like, this is a nice lady with a nice kid, so I said "Do you have email...? It's so great to run into you but it would be kind of nice to not to have to depend on that..." And as soon as I said the email part she was in total agreement and looking for her pen. So that's cool. Was thinking of y'all when I went for it.

That sounds very promising! How smart of you to think of getting her email. Those groups are good for meeting people with kids of similar age... you really need that in order to relax & socialize with the kids having fun, too.

I think more people need this...

Yeah, I do like being in an all-hugs-all-the-time environment.

So here's an update:

A week or two ago we were on our way somewhere and the sozlet saw Jack and Emily playing and wanted to go play with them. I took a deep breath and said, "Sure!", and we went over there. When we got within range I said, "I hope we're not intruding..." and Emily's mom said "Oh no no of course not come on over" and Jack's dad kinda waved. (Jack's dad is a stay-at-home dad, which I think is cool.) So we hung out for a while, the sozlet had a blast, Jack and Emily seemed to enjoy playing with her. But I was still a little hesitant -- Jack's dad and Emily's mom seemed to be having a big conversation when I arrived, and he excused himself in fairly short order (to check on the baby, though, which made sense) and Emily's mom asked what time it was after a bit and said that she had to go pick up the older kids. So it was totally nice and fine and we had a good time chatting, and I didn't feel like I was getting the bum's rush at all, but I was still just a bit uneasy.

So earlier tonight the sozlet and I were sitting on the front porch, and Jack's mom was taking out the garbage. She saw us, I waved, she waved, and then she came over! FINALLY! This is the first time anyone has crossed the street in our direction, I think. She was really really nice and said, "I saw you and [the sozlet] playing by yourselves in your yard the other day when we were out -- if we're out, COME OVER! <I demurred a bit> No no COME OVER already! Don't worry about it! We'd love to see you!" She was QUITE emphatic about it, so I now feel much better and plan to take her at her word.

Sozobe
That's fantastic. I'm so glad you're becoming more comfortable :-D I love good news ;-)

Happy endings are wonderful.

Remember, Sozobe, when you're watching kids it is very difficult to have a deep and meaningful conversation. You can have 30 seconds of a very satisfactory meeting of the minds and then someone hassa go potty or decides to bite a playmate or the ball goes towards the street or the phone rings....

The conversation you interrupted was probably, "I should go check on the baby but having baby asleep makes life so peaceful...."

Congratulations--you're in the neighborhood!

That is fabulous, sozobe!

<i'm so glad i saw this. i'd been wondering>

Yay Soz! And Sozlet!

Another update, with a twist:

Jack and sozlet get on like a house afire, and we have set up an ongoing playdate, two times a week, alternating houses. (They come here, we go there.) Emily's family has been on a long vacation. Today, we were hanging out in Jack's backyard, and the kids were having a blast playing in the little pool, spraying each other with spray bottles, etc. They were chasing and hugging and just being adorable.

Emily's family drove up (next door to Jack.) This is the first time Jack or sozlet have seen Emily in a long time. They went running over to her, and she came over and started kinda taking over (she's 5, they're almost 3.) They stopped playing with each other and started following her around. Then Emily's mother came and sat in the chair that Jack's dad (Jason) had been sitting in while he put the baby down for his nap, and Jason had to get another chair. Jason and I had been having an interesting conversation about iguanas (they have one), and Emily's mom started nattering on about this and that. Jason just kind of shot me a look, like, "oh well."

A little later, remembered this thread and being so worried about intruding on *them*.

lol sounds to me like emily is getting a controling attitude just like her mother.....thats a bad thing....I could be wrong but kids learn young

Funny how people hesitate... especially adults.
I really appreciate this thread, makes me learn from how kids are.

Glad to hear it's all happening, Sozobe. If newspapers were into publishing Good News, stories like this would fit really well, inspiring people to just go for it!

Very cool.

Looks like you're on the inside now, Sozobe!

CodeBorg, we're all kinda smacking our foreheads and asking "what took us so long?" I like Jack's mom a lot but don't see her much because of her work schedule, but Jason takes the dog for a walk every evening and that often coincides with E.G. and the sozlet's evening walk, and so they walk together and talk. Especially those two keep saying "I ___, too!!" They are both guys who look pretty normal but have unconventional tendencies. One year apart. Etc.

At any rate, it's working out well now. I think it's good timing in terms of the kids -- they are just starting to get really interested in playing with other kids vs. playing with toys or parents.

Other shoe could still drop -- we're having interesting conversations, but are staying well away from controversial topics. Iguanas are good.

I love happy endings--particularly when I've seen them coming. Hold your dominion.

Sozobe, conversations about kids and iguanas are what lots of people are looking for, not discussions on controversial topics - though child-rearing can be very controversial. Cuteness of kids goes a long way in keeping the mood mellow.