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Wed 16 Nov, 2005 08:24 am
Ok, so as most of you remember... I gave this guy my number about 2 months ago and we have been seeing each other ever since...
Well I invited him to thanksgiving Dinner at my uncles house and he said yes, he'd like to go.... UT OH... what did I do?
For starters.... him and I are NOT a couple.. just seeing each other....so I know my family is gonna automatically assume he is my boyfriend and start asking how long have we been together and what not...
How do I say nicely that he isn't my boyfriend, yet more than a friend...
Also... this means he is meeting my mom... which makes me more nervous than anything...
Does anyone have any tips to make the night go smoothly? I think I am more nervous than him! I already know they will try and embarrass me at much as possible, thinking it is funny... and he may get interrogated....
I think it will go well but at the same time my family worries me... I am not ashamed of them at all... it is just that I never really see them.... and I usually skip out on the family holidays...
HELP!!
Just say this is your friend and leave it at that. There is no reason to delve into personal business at Tgiving, least of all your sex life. He is a friend or a boyfriend. Don't go in between and confuse the situation.
BTW Bella... I love your new avatar.... :-D
Eesh. Well, CL. . . all I can say is good luck to you.
Family will jump to conclusions, no matter if you say "friend","coworker", "gay guy that lives next door". It's the nature of family. Just relax and enjoy the meal. :wink:
Put the family on the defensive, right off. Let him begin by starting to interrogate THEM.
Well he is big into joking, so I think I may introduce him as the gay guy from next door now... hahaha.. btw did I mention I have a really weird family...
My uncle asks the personal, embarassing questions
My mom will be pretty chill I think... she will tell the embarassing stories
My aunt will probably ask the serious questions about work and what not
And the rest of the family will just kick back and listen because they are mostly too young to understand
And then my cousin and her bf will be there and they are our age, so that may help
Questioner is right....they are going to think what they want so you might as well keep it simple. Friend or boyfriend, end of story.
Is there anything I can say to him to prepare him or just not even mention it and see how he handles it? I don't want him to feel incomforatble
You might suggest that he bring mace.
C.L. Even though you persist in denying the progress of this relationship,it sounds like it's moving steadily forward. If I were you,I wouldn't
make a big deal out of what my family might say.
Your relationship won't rise or fall on what your family says or does. The relationship is based on you and your boyfriend.
Questioner wrote:You might suggest that he bring mace.
My family is prolly immune to that and rat poisoning too....
lindatw wrote: C.L. Even though you persist in denying the progress of this relationship,it sounds like it's moving steadily forward.
No I agree... it is coming about well now... we had a few ups and downs and road barriers.. but we seem to be moving through them and the mixed signals seem to have faded off into the distance
Quote:The relationship is based on you and your boyfriend.
Not my boyfriend lol.... that was the reason for the whole thing with the family.. I didn't know how to introduce him
The wisdom according to Uncle George:
First, give him as much information as you can about your family
members and the kinds of questions they are likely to ask.
That way he's prepared for it.
Second, agree with him beforehand about how you will introduce him.
If he thinks he's a boyfriend and is not presented that way,
it may throw him off.
Third, assure him that you do not intend to take what your family says or
does seriously. He is not being presented for their approval.
Fourth, arrive sober. You'll want to have your wits about you.
That's all y'old Uncle George has to say for now.
Let us know how it goes.
George wrote:The wisdom according to Uncle George:
First, give him as much information as you can about your family
members and the kinds of questions they are likely to ask.
That way he's prepared for it.
All I can say is that they are crazy and good luck... jk... I will do this... I am sure it won't be that bad
Quote:Second, agree with him beforehand about how you will introduce him.
If he thinks he's a boyfriend and is not presented that way,
it may throw him off.
I am just going to assume friend in all honesty.. I don't want him to think I am pushing for the whole gf/bf thing.... we haven't even made out and it has been 2 months... so I think he likes to take it slow
Quote:Third, assure him that you do not intend to take what your family says or
does seriously. He is not being presented for their approval.
Good Idea... will do :-)
Quote:Fourth, arrive sober. You'll want to have your wits about you.
I don't drink, so sounds like a plan :-D
Quote:That's all y'old Uncle George has to say for now.
Let us know how it goes.
Will do....
Crazy, I know you are stressing but at least you have time to think about what you're going to do beforehand. I remember when I had just started dating my present girlfriend, some annoying friend of a friend says, "So, are you two a couple or what??" I felt like asking her, "So, are you pregnant or just fat?"
stuh505 wrote:Crazy, I know you are stressing but at least you have time to think about what you're going to do beforehand. I remember when I had just started dating my present girlfriend, some annoying friend of a friend says, "So, are you two a couple or what??" I felt like asking her, "So, are you pregnant or just fat?"
Yea I just saw him at his work and I heard the girl her works with ask about us and all I heard him say was "no no no... not even... I am very careful" I think she asked if we were a couple and he was saying... no not even close... he is very picky...
I feel sad... but I am going to see him after work today... should I just ask him were this is going? I don't want to pressure him and I understand completely if he doesn't want a girlfriend.... but I would like to know if this is going anywhere at all...
How do I go about doing that?
For future reference, don't waste time introducing 'guy your seeing' to your family.
Seriously, if your not into a relationship what's the point?
Then you have less to stress about and you can stop seeming like you can't make a decision for yourself.
Your Uncle George is a very wise man.
Why do you have to give him any title or status? Just say, "Mom, Dad, Gramma, this is Tom. Tom, this is Betty, Paul, and Gramma." Keep it simple. If they start asking what his intentions are he can choose to answer or not.
As an aside, this thread reminds me of when I first met Mr B's family. It was also on Thanksgiving and I flew in from Vt for the holiday weekend. I arrived at Mr B's parent's house, was introduced all around and was immediately handed a pile of photographs of my now SIL's delivery of her first child, the first grandchild. My MIL started talking about how she wanted to be present at the birth of all of her grandchildren and take pictures. YIKES!!!!!
I somehow made it through the dinner, eventually married Mr B, had children without my MIL anywhere nearby and maintain a reasonable relationship with my in-laws, although I don't agree with anything that comes out of their mouths.
It's just a dinner, CL. Enjoy the holiday, enjoy your relationship - where ever it may go, and be prepared to do a bit a damage control on the ride home.
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