can you love someone and not trust them?

I'm not being hard to get on with here but it depends on what you mean by "love".

The idea of "love" is very complex (whoa there I go with my sharp insight yet again).

What I mean is that it has recognised phases. We all get very hot and bothered in the first six to 12 months or so and we have eyes only for the other person and they can do no wrong etc etc.

When things cool down and the relationship becomes deeper and more sustainable (ie you go from high octane to regular) then the truth of the relationship can be seen. If there's no trust then then forget anything about "love", the relationship just won't work. Pretty soon - from the male point of view (I am a man therefore I am only seeing it from my perspective) - that lack of trust can be accompanied by possessiveness and I'm afraid to say that that leads into the well-known cycle of domestic violence.

I hope that helps a little. Other posters will have views which should be helpful for you - they usually are.

Re: can you love someone and not trust them?


Goodfielder has some good points.

To answer your second question first, of COURSE you can trust someone you don't love. You do it every day, whether you are consciously aware of it or not.

Now, it IS possible to love someone that you don't trust. As goodfielder said, it is entirely related to what you mean by "love". If you're speaking of love in the typical relationship sense, the answer is yes. You can love your husband, significant other dearly and not trust them. Real love, the kind of love that would see you sacrifice your life to save the life of the other, is rather unconditional.

If you're referring to love in the sense of "a healthy relationship" then the issue becomes 'Are you doing anything to heal this lack of trust, or are you just letting it eat you up.' My answer would be that no, you can't have a relationship without trust. It's a rather fundamental building block of any good relationship. You wouldn't continue doing business with a salesman that you don't trust, would you?

If there's a lack of trust, best patch it up. Love can and likely will still exist, but it will require maintenance to make the thing work.

Re: can you love someone and not trust them?


Yes. You can love someone and not like them too. Love is not perfect. In fact, it's one of the most imperfect things out there. It's irrational and brazen. It's unpredictible and volitle. Love doesn't make all the bad things go away. Love doesn't keep us safe. Being in love doesn't guarantee anything. Trust included.

Trust takes a long time to build and only suspicion to destroy. But just because someone has hurt you, it doesn't mean you automatically stop loving them.

"Can you love someone and not trust them?"

Sure.

Loving someone is no guarantee that the relationship is right. Or that it will last.

And without trust, love cannot last.