How to deal with a deadly obsession

What is so "deadly" about your obsession?

I'm a 45 year old woman and I love to play video games. I can really lose track of time when I'm playing. I find game playing very relaxing -- a great stress reliever.

Then I inherited a kid and no longer had hours to lose playing games.

If you are spending all of your time playing games when there is other stuff you need to do I can see where it would be problematic.

Were you being more "productive" when you weren't playing?

Is game playing interfering with your relationships or your work?

I'm a believer in everything in moderation.

Can you set up a time to play when you know you will have to stop -- maybe give yourself an hour to play before you have to leave for work or something?

I htink its a very good start that you realise you play too much and need to do less/stop.

I reckon if you enjoy it you shouldnt go cold turkey.

What is it that yu get from playing?Is it the challenge?Find out what it is and try to find somehing more productive to you that gives you the ssame thrill.

For starters congratulate yourself for realising you shouldnt be playing as much as you do.
Try to reduce the hours each week until, you finally play for 1 hour a day.

The games I enjoy playing are the types which involve beating other human players online. The thing I enjoy the most is being able to beat them and win, to kill, to get as many kills as possible, to go on a killing Spree and to get the most frags in a game. Its not really the game that I enjoy, its I like challenging other players intellectually and coming out on top.

This game called DOTA had me hooked for about 10 months since the beginning of 2005, I can say that Ive spent on average 3 hours a day on it up till the start of august, when I destroyed the CD, then I cut down the amount of gameplay to about 5 hours per week by playing through internet cafes.

I can never seem to go cold turkey. Like Ive tried to stop for 3 weeks and that whas the most I could go. Then I start to obsess about it.

Another thing that worries me is that these games bring me stress when I lose. I get depressed when I lose sometimes, and it zaps the energy out of me when it happens. When I play at internet cafe, after each visit there I feel so guilty for going there to [waste time] so to speak and wasting money. I have this idea that playing games is wrong for someone my age and games are only for those immature and for those who have no life at all.

You have the classic signs of addiction. Video addiction is similar to gambling and shopping addictions, the same part of the brain is stimulated. A large part of this addiction is anticipation. It's like when you get a gift and the most exciting part is not the gift itself, but the unwrapping of it. The process produces a high. The same happens when you are working your way through a video game, it produces the feeling of "what's next" "just one more"etc. If you are in a decent sized city you can probably find a support group for video game addicts (call you local AA chapter or hospital). This is a very real problem for some people in that the addiction becomes the main focus of their lives - just like alcohol, drugs, slot machines etc effects others.

hmm, james, those could be signs of addiction. internet games can be addictive just as gambling, alcohol, or drugs. if you are worried you are losing control over this, please visit a psychologist, or a group therapy. perhaps just a 'thinking partner' - counseling from someone who isn't necessarily a psychologist - might help you find the reasons behind and help you tackle it. no reason to feel powerless and guilty and bad about yourself. there are things you can do to quit.

This may sound like a joke, but it's really not. Have you thought about designing and programming games? Often the most addicted players make the best programmers. Just a thought.

Jamesw84: From what you've said,it sounds as though you could be using video games as an escape,in addition to being addicted to them. On other theads and forums,you've mentioned other things that are troubling you. Do you think these
games could be a way of your avoiding the other things in your life ? Over-use of video games,like your other problems and concerns,can be addressed in counselling. Seek help for your compulsive over-use of the games and the feelings they cause in you. It may not be an easy task,but you can overcome things like this.

Ur quite right when u say I do it as a form of escape from the real world in which I live in. I do it to get the high I need to get my studies done.

I'd consider this to be like any other addiction.

You can't stop by will power alone. That is setting yourself up for failure. For sure go to therapy or a support group, if you think it will help.
BUT: Do it from a position of knowing it is up to you to do the work. No one can do it for you. Therapy and help won't do a damn thing if you aren't serious about changing.

What you truly need to do is get real dead honest with yourself.
What need does it fill for you?
Don't just think about it. Write it out.
You need to face what it is that playing the games helps you to avoid. Nothing else will do. You'd just find another object or addiction.

good luck

Ill write it out. Playing this game helps me kill time. Theres nothing more I hate than having idle time in my hands where I obsess about the past regrets of my life and worry about the future. IT helps me avoid getting out to meet people I dont trust.

I play video games to escape from reality - I can create my own worlds (especially in Neverwinter Nights and The Sims), and more than often they are worlds I would prefer to be a part of rather than my world.

It's easy to use them as escapism, but it's really hard to get out of that habit and go out and make something more of your social life.

I now have an idea of what gambling addicts and smokers feel and why they cant stop doing stuff that is bad for them. Its not that you cant accept the idea that what you do is in fact harmful to you, its the craving in your head, an unmet need that you cant resist very well. Theres always a voice in your head telling you you are missing something.

Well, with quitting smoking or basically any other substances, there's some level of physical discomfort or even pain involved. And as a guy who probably played too many video games at certain points in the past, and who needed to work pretty hard to stop playing them, I can say that the lack of pain associated with the quitting makes it easier than quitting certain substances.

So my advice, just try the best you can to ignore those cravings in your head, and pretty soon, you won't notice them as much. In fact, at some point, once they're pretty much gone, you might even be able to play games leisurely again without getting addicted. But for now, honestly, stay away from them. As with anything, though, you need to want to quit, you need to be determined to quit, or else it won't stick. Once you've made up your mind that you want to stop, you just need to go for it. Don't look back.

james,
You actually are half way there, my friend.
You know your gaming is out of control. You know you want to stop. AND you know that you are using it to avoid other things in your life.

Now you just need to go for it and stop!

I used to do drugs, smoke cigarettes, and all other kinds of addictive behavior. I got past it. The real trick is having the courage to face whatever you are avoiding and making a decision within yourself to let yourself feel all that pain you are trying to distract yourself from. Once you do that, you will be able to make things better for yourself (going out and meeting people, etc.). When you first stop gaming, you will probably feel like a mess for a while. Consider that a good sign. You will have taken away one of your usual defences against facing things. You will be in a situation to see what is truly going on inside you.

When you do make that commitment to Stop you must do it completely!
The desire to go back to it will be there, but you can just notice it "oh, I want to play a game now" and then ignore it, and move onto other thoughts.

You CAN do it James! Best of luck to you

Very inspirational