question about anger

"Just say no." didn't work too well, either.

I've no suggestions, but is it possibly something other than a veteran thing. Fer example, what is the age group of this selection. Most of us mellow out with time, though if that were always the case, I'd had to have been around some of these old geezers when they were young.

I know, I haven't even touched your question. If I could, I would. At least you recognize a problem; some don't.

I'll be watching this thread. Perfect timing, Hickory Stick, 'cause I have a lot of q's about anger myself.

Hickory,
Do you have PTS symptoms? Have you gotten physically sick from being angry so often?

....listening and wondering for now

The age range is a large range. Vietnam vets seem really angry compared to the younger group, but honestly, its all ages.

PTS? I'm not sure I know what that is. I have IBS and I will end up with an IBS attack if I get too angry at one person. If its an anonymous group, like drivers in traffic, I don't get sick. If I have a specific person to blame, I can get sick easily.

Before you say anything about IBS - I have sleep apnea, and IBS is a symptom of that. I'm not saying that I know for a fact that IBS isn't caused by my anger, but it can just as easily be just a symptom of sleep apnea.

I've tried very hard to turn my anger into comedy, but that just makes me an outcast with a dark and morbid sense of humor.

Have you tried therapy? It sounds serious. Getting an objective opinion from a professional is very helpful.

You shouldn't waste any more of your life feeling like that. It may ball up and overpower you.

Well Hickory, let me see if I can help you out. I think that after 23 years in the military(and counting) I can help you out on this a little.
Part of the problem that most vetrans face when we get out is the lack of discipline in other people and the fact that we no longer have control over other peoples actions. This leads to an increase in anger. Where before, we had the oppertunity to yell at somebody for their stupidit, and we didn't have to worry about violence in return, in the civilian world we no longer can do that. One thing the military did teach me was the fine art of yelling. It didn't fix the problem, but it is a great stress reliever.
There is nothing wrong with feeling anger. The biggest problem is how you deal with the anger once you have it.
My suggestion is to read up on some anger management techniques. (notive I didn't say don't let it get to you?) Also, find out what the triggers are. Are there certain times of day where you become angry quicker than others? Are the specific people that cause the anger?
If all else fails(and depending how long you have been out) consider going to the VA for counseling.
I don't know you're entire military background. There maybe some other hidden issues that you have not resolved yet.
I hope that helps you out a bit.
Oh by thge way, I'm not a dr and I don't play one on tv either:)

Lash, yes I have gone to therapy, but it just seemed futile and tiring. I haven't ruled it out, though.

ralpheb, I was in 3 years and was the brunt of some rasial squabbles. Nothing personal, but what happened resulted in my physical disability. I don't really blame anyone, and I'm not really mad about all of that anymore. My perspective of the military is that it puts your life on fast-forward, wasting all of your energy and tolerance so quickly it seems to age you. Most veterans seem tired, as if they've already lived through one harsh career, and find it hard to start another one. Like they/we feel we've earned a break, and a long one.

"lack of discipline in other people" - that was brilliantly put! That is a huge source of my anger. I hope I can find a way to let that go.

I think you're onto something - identify triggors, find something that's almost as stress relieving as yelling at the morons that pissed you off, read up on anger management. I'll try all of this! I know that when I play the drums (which is basically organized hitting), or shoot at the rifle range, I feel much less stressed. I'm not a gun-maniac by the way, I just grew up on a shooting team.

Man, I miss yelling.

Unfortunately, one of the main causes of my anger is one of my family members. I have never been able to work things out, so I'm wondering if avoidance is my best bet.

And yes I did notice that you didn't tell me just to "not let it get to me" - thank you for that.

I have a theory, but it isn't likely to be popular. I don't intend any offense.

My theory is two-pronged.

I think the phenomena of violence and uncontrollable anger in military and former military people has to do with

1) Whatever aspect of their personality, life story, situation, genetics that led them into the military, and

2) The inhumane, surreal circumstances they must endure while in the military.

#1 doesn't have to be bad--or their fault, so to speak.

And, of course, no template fits over everyone.

Maybe I could just by a Nerf baseball bat and hit people with it. No harm done, right?

Lash, that's not offensive. Its probably true.

Maybe martial arts training or Yoga where you learn to control your body, thus your emotions, could help somewhat, or kick boxing with a punching ball or sandsack would release tension and anger too.

An appropriate outlet does seem like a good idea.

.....You look like Eddie Izzard. He's fabulous.

PTS: Post Traumatic Stress.

Well, I don't know if this will help, but my aunt (who is a vet who retired early due to disability) described her anger thusly:
" I simply should not have to put up with this level of stupidity!"


The rules and expectations in the military vary so vastly from civilian life. But, military or no, people's expectations and anger/aggression management style has a lot to do with it.
Others have given the standard suggestions, and I've heard 'em all.

I think you'll work this out. You sound sensible.

Yeah, I seem very sensible until I'm around my sister, or someone at work tries to cover their butt by making me look bad. It happens a lot, the cover their butt thing, but it doesn't always happen to me = I'm not crying victim there.

I'd like a way to prevent the anger. I think this thread has helped me identify the cause, now I need to find a good immediate outlet, and a prevention. I can do those stress reducers at home, but its hard to do them at work or in front of my sister in the middle of an argument.

Thanks, everyone, for your input! I look forward to more posts, I hope there will be more.

That IS a photo of Eddie Izzard. I don't look that much like him.

I want to add a couple of things here.
First to Lash. I understand what you are saying about whou some people believe are attracted to the military. As strange as it may seem, that is not completely true. Do some people fill that catagory? Yes. However, most do not. Most people I have met involved in the military are normally laid back until the situation arises for them not to be. I am a firm believer that the military only magnifies a persons personality-at first. Later they will develop a stronger sense of self.
As for Hickory, I have this. Everyone that I know that has retired from the military has been very successful out of the military. The people who seem to have the harder adjustment are those people who were in for 3-6 years and got out because the "military ain't my thing" These people normally have a hard time with a structured environment and are rebels without a clue.
When I first got out of the military after 10 years, I too had a dificult time adapting to the civilian world. That doesn't mean I couldn't, I just had difficulty. I then went back into the Guard. They helped a bit. But, the thing that helped me was in counseling and knowing what the counselor was there for. They are only there as a sounding board. They are ther for you to bounce ideas off of so we can find better solutions.
As for you and your sister, that is a conflict that you need to find a suitable resolution to. Find out what has caused the conflict, and then find ways to circumnavigate it, or to resolve it.
Ass far as the ass kisser goes, well that will be the internal resolution you need to find. A suggestion could be that after you deal with this person, close your eyes and think of a calming scenerio(not a violent one, a calming one) and then continue on.
As long as you have other stress relievers(I have my guns and my motorcycle and I think of my wife and children) then you will be able to put stress where it belongs. My wife deals with her stress at work by knowing what she has control over and knowing which battles she can win, and which ones are not worth fighting over.
Damn long post, ain't it?
I hope things work out. May I ask what happened and what the disability is?

Wish I could help HickoryStick, you sound like a fab person.

I was thinking of something like racketball/squash.It seems more 'dangerous' than something like badminton or tennis and itl hopefully have that drum rhythm that you mentioned.

As for people, once I realised we are all different life became much easier.
People do so many things to pee me off, yet they dont intend to do it and dont realise it annoys me and will probably never change but at least I realise we are all different.

How old are you?

Hickorystick: Was your therapist experienced in dealing with vets with post-traumatic stress disorder? Seeking help thru the V.A. may be your best bet. Cops,Firefighters,and Military personnel are 3 groups of people with very high incidence of
PTSD. Also,if you have a life-long stressful relationship with your family member,that just adds to the situation. As you are able,do engage in physical activity that calls for concentration and relaxation. Please do,however,get back to counseling as soon as possible.

Forgot to ask, whats sleep apnea?

sleep apnea is when you temporarily stop breathing when you sleep. It can last a brief moment to almost a minute in severe cases. Most people who have this do not get a restfull sleep. There are many theories on what causes this.

My current bf has sleep apnea and went to a sleep clinic. He now has this cool oxygen mask thingy that he wears at night. He is like a different person now that he gets decent sleep. The poor lad had been sleeping a real night's sleep in 6 yrs!

Just to let you know that there are treatment options for it.