i dont know what to do anymore

Houzer, that is a difficult situation. I don't think you're a scumbag. I think that the girl you are seeing needs to knuckle down and make a decision, because it's not right to string along two guys like this.

I think you need to let her know that it is time for her to make up her mind, and that she needs to call it off with the other guy right now...or call it off with you right now.

It's not fair to the other guy either.

ive tried that and she said she wants to be with me and wants to break up with him, but she is waiting for the right time or something, and that i need to understand its hard.

Rough situation, for sure.

If I may ask, how old are the parties in question? It seems that this may be a high school issue? The reason I ask is that if you all are in college or past it then there's some other issues that could be commented on other than the obvious ones.

My advice at any rate would be to just back off. Let her know where you stand. Let her know all she has to do is call, then back off. Let her do the growing up necessary to make a choice.

Unless the guy she's seeing is being physically abusive and has threatened her if she leaves him, the choice really can't be that difficult.

I agree, it may possibly be that this girl is dealing with a whirlwind of emothions and is confused about what to do. She may have feelings for both of you. I say to back off and give her room and let her know that you are not going to place your feelings under her feet like a welcome mat because in reality this is not fair to you. Maybee this will put her into gear and she will realize what she will be loosing.

houser,
She is lying to her family about spending time with you (doesn't tell them she is with you?). Does she lie to her bf about you as well?

She may be a very nice girl, but if she were to break-up with bf and choose you....you'd be starting off on a foundation of lying. You'd be in the-weirds with her family right from the get-go. And , possibily, you'd have to deal with the ex-bf and all kinds of funny troubles.

It sounds like she has some growing up yet to do. Who doesn't right?
The question is : is she worth all the trouble and anxiety ?
There are so many girls who aren't involved, who haven't lied to their family, etc. etc. Is THIS one a good bet for you?

Best of luck.

Are you certain that she wants to be with you and not that she wants you as her close friend and wants you to be understanding of her problems with him? Even if that isn't the case I would say your best off just being her friend, forget about what you may get out of it and be there for her, as someone close, as someone she can go to in her time of need. Don't corrupt what you have with desire for what you might get

I think that this depends on how you feel. Honestly, if this girl is worth it, hang on and wait for her to "come to her senses." If she will be just another girlfriend, don't bother with her. What do YOU think? You are the only one here who can say how you feel about the situation and how you think it's going. You can tell if she's just holding on to her bf just so she doesn't hurt him or if she's holding on because she wants to have her cake and eat it too.

Well, I meant saying, choose now (and make that choice known to both people right now) or I leave!

Re: i dont know what to do anymore


Was she with this boyfriend of hers when the two of you started getting "close?" If the answer to that is yes, I think you need to ask yourself why you'd want to be with a girl who would essentially "cheat" on her boyfriend with another guy. If she wanted to break up with him and be with you, she would. You shouldn't have to be the go-to guy that she turns to when things aren't going well between her and her boyfriend. If this girl is really worth it to you, which it seems like she is, otherwise you wouldn't be posing this question, then you need to have a talk with her and explain what you expect from your relationship. If she still doesn't feel comfortable moving on from him and being with you, then you're the one who's going to need to move on. Conversly, if she does break up with him and starts seeing you, you need to be aware of the "rebound man" status that you're imposing upon yourself. Hopefully, that won't be the case. :wink:

Good luck!

Anything that you can steal, can be stolen from you.

Give up the effort, find someone who can be 100% yours. It's doubtful that you'll marry this girl, so it's not worth the effort. And if you do marry her, you'd eventually end up with this type of situation.

You can tell a lot about how a person will act when there with you by observing them before your together, like, right before your together. If your their 'shoulder' for a tough relationship odds point to the fact that eventually another shoulder may be needed while your relationship is ongoing. Odds are it would be a shoulder of the same sex of yours.

Fella I know at work, nice enough guy, played the shoulder to this young girl when she was having 'rough times' with her boyfriend. She breaks up with boyfriend, start's seeing him. Three months down the road, she's shouldering on someone else, and eventually moves on.

Seemed like the shoulder is the pre-empt to sleeping with someone... anyway...

I guess I shouldn't sound like this will ALWAYS happen, but really brother... if it's taken her this long and she still hasn't left him to be with you, she's not going to. I don't want to sound harsh, not intended that way, no fault of yours... but you sound like the back up holmes.