Involving family members in arguments

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I would like some opinions...

My wife and I have been married for about 2 years. We live in the same town with both sets of in-laws. Recently we had an argument that was pretty heated. We BOTH yelled and said things that we should not have. My wife decided to call and stay at her mom's house for the night. This really upset me because I felt that they should not be involved. I was not able to be there and tell my side of the story. My wife came back home the next day but things have been very tense for the last couple of days. She feels she did nothing wrong because she feels that I embarrassed her by yelling(we live in an apartment where it would be easier to hear) even though she was yelling also. Am I wrong for being upset that she left and involved her parents. Or should I just let the situation go?

Confused>>>

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Am I wrong for being upset that she left and involved her parents. Or should I just let the situation go?

No and yes. If you are married for two years, I am assuming that you are young people. Often one of the difficulties in marriage is separating from parents, and behaving like an adult couple.

Sure, I can understand your upset. In the best of all possible worlds, the two of you need to work your problems together, and leave mommy and daddy out of it. My advice to you is to get over the upset.

IMO, you need to sit down with your wife, tell her that you love her, and talk out the problem that caused the tiff. Then let her know that you are there for her, and want to be able to talk things out like two adults.

Tell her that the two of you need to work things out together as a couple, and really listen to her side of the story. Make a deal with her that whatever happens between you, stays in your house.

Don't be judgmental. Don't blame. Just tell her that in order for the two of you to become stronger as a couple, you need to work things out as a couple, with no interference.

Then let the whole matter go, and don't bring up the issue of the fight again. Good luck!

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Phoenix has said it all.

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Mrpeterson--

Welcome to A2K.

This comment bothers me:

Quote:

This really upset me because I felt that they should not be involved. I was not able to be there and tell my side of the story.

Ideally your in laws would not have been involved at all, but that's all water over the dam.

Why would you think that your in laws should hear your side of the story? I'm getting a whiff of childishness here--if she's going to tell her side (to her family), I should be able to tell my side?

Was your wife simply embarrassed by the noisy argument or did you give her cause to be afraid for her physical safety.

What is done is done. Forget it.

Next time tempers flare, try your damnest to act like an adult. No screaming. No tantrums. No threats. You can't control your wife's behavior, but you can control yours.

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let it go, and work out your problems together. rite they dont get to hear your side of the story, but their is nothing you can do about it. dont go over their and tell him your side. just work things out with your wife. i dont know what the argument was about, but maybe she needed advise? maybe she needs her mother to talk to when shes upset. or someone outside the situation who can look at it with a clear eye. like you are seeking advise here. but as long as she doesnt go running to her parents over every argument or fight you have, then their shouldnt be a problem.

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Involving family members in arguments

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