Monogamy?

First of all, a little background on me.

I'm in my fifties and have been married for 33 years. Never had any children, financially secure, and a few years away from a well planned and, certainly, enjoyable retirement. I'm in good health and still good physical shape and still have all my teeth and hair. LOL!

OK, so you might wonder what in the world I could possibly be missing? Well, I miss adventure. I was a very adventurous kid. At 15 I realized I'd never seen the ocean so I hitchhiked to Galveston to see it. I suddenly remembered that I didn't have any more money and got a job at a restaurant for a couple of weeks to have enough to hitch back home to Oklahoma. At 17 I decided that I wanted to go to Mexico and hitchhiked there. Again, had to find a job for a couple of weeks to make the money to get back. (this time I had enough when I left but the 'ladies' in boys town were just too enticing for me to keep any) Then, when I graduated from High School a friend and I hitchhiked to Acapulco and back just before I went into the military. In the military I was in a very adventurous outfit for seven years. (Combat Control)

Right after I got into the Air Force a very attractive young lady I'd dated in High School contacted me and stated that she was pregnant. OK, I did the right thing and agreed to marry her. But, seems she wasn't pregnant after all but still wanted to get married. I really didn't. Anyway, after going through Air Force basic training, Army Parachute School, and half of Air Traffic Control School in Biloxi..., and only having sex once during that time..., I was pretty horny. So when she said that she was coming down to visit during the holidays and if I wanted to join her in her hotel that I was welcomed, that is 'if' I still wanted to get married.

So, after three years (most of which we were separated due to my training and missions) of a less than monogamous marriage for both of us we divorced.

For a couple of years I was a complete adventurer! Lots of excitement and sex. I absolutely loved the military during that time.

Then a friend's girlfriend, who I really liked and wanted to have sex with, introduced me to my current wife. She knew of my 'wild' reputation and had heard of my exploits, both sexual and fighting so I thought she must be open-minded enough to consider a relationship with. Plus the girl that introduced us had told me that she (my future wife) was wild, like me.

We really hit it off and had a lot in common. After we decided to get married I had to take one more trip out of country. When I flew back in she picked me up at an airport over a hundred miles from where we lived. I'd been gone over a month and when we were in the car and on the Interstate I suggested pulling over for a bit. It was at night and I was really surprised when she didn't want to. Now, looking back, that should have been a very large warning flag to me!

Warning #1

OK, a few weeks later we went on a double date with my CCT friend and his girlfriend to a drive-in movie. The main screen had a scary movie and the girls didn't want to see it so we went to screen two to see the 'adult' movie.

Well, about half way into the movie I could hear heavy breathing and that telltale squishing sound of a finger in a very delightful and wet orifice. Now, I think I mentioned that I thought this other girl was sexy and would love to have been in the back seat with her right then, so I was turned on! But my, now wife, was shocked and even pushed me away from her during that movie. Another warning flag ignored.

Warning #2

Folks, if you're considering a long time relationship do watch for those warning signs!

OK, we got married and after a couple of years of monogamy we were approached by another couple we knew. Actually the man and my wife were obviously attracted to each other for some time before this night and always danced the slow dances at any party we all four attended. I thought this was sort of sexy to watch and his wife was OK with it too.

Anyway, this other couple seduced us into our first 'swinging' situation and I absolutely thought I'd died and gone to heaven. It was wonderful and I loved every adventurous minute of it. A little jealousy maybe at first, but to this day my most sexy memory is of him and my wife together. The night was thoroughly enjoyed by all four of us. My wife had, without doubt, enjoyed herself numerous times with both him and me.

The next day though she had real regrets! We talked and I tried to assure her that what we did was enjoyable and no harm was done to any of us. She even tried to say she hadn't enjoyed it.

During the next couple of years we did encounter four other incidents similar to the first one. All but one were very enjoyable and my wife was agreeable before and during each. But, after each she had problems dealing with them so we (actually she) decided to end these adventures.

I was really devastated but kept my feelings to myself because, other than the loss of adventures that I absolutely loved, I loved my wife and wanted the marriage to last. After years of hard work and long hours, me in the car business and her teaching and continuing her education, we finally decided to back off a little and moved to Florida.

Then, with the computer age, I discovered the Internet. And I was able to live, vicariously, the lifestyle I so enjoyed before through stories of other 'swingers'.

One day my wife discovered some of the 'story' sites I'd been frequenting and became very upset. After we discussed the situation though, she said she sort of understood and even suggested that I write some stories myself to post.

So, I created a couple (actually me and her) and led them into and through the swinging lifestyle. We enjoyed, not only the stories, but also the feedback from the readers and made a few cyber friends in the process. My wife was finally, I thought, coming out of her protective shell and letting herself enjoy life without the social hang-ups that I so hated.

But my Utopia was short lived and it wasn't long before she, again, had remorse and said she just wasn't interested in any of 'that' anymore!

I've often wondered if it might have been more bearable if she'd never gone along with anything? It's just cruel to give that 'hope' and then take it away so many times. But, I do have some very fond memories and cherish them about as much as I cherish my long relationship and marriage.

I think a lot of us just aren't born to be monogamous. Now, committed to be married to the same person? Sure! Being intimately in love with only one person? Sure! But monogamous? At least not me.

I have no real interest to have an affair. I'd feel so guilty that I couldn't enjoy it anyway. But I miss, beyond the ability to describe with words, the adventure and excitement of sharing 'swinging' experiences with my wife. It's not just having sexual enjoyment with other people either, it's sharing a pleasurable experience with someone you love. It's the search for new friends, the talking about fantasies and desires, the fun of the 'date' and then the enjoyment of talking about it afterwards. For me, it's exploring together that makes it so special. Having such a delightful secret that our 'vanilla' friends would never believe even if they found out.

I may be trapped in marriage that will keep me somewhat unhappy for the rest of my life but that's a decision that I'll make. I guess I survive with the hope that someday, somehow, somebody will change my wife's mind again and she'll, through no encouragement from me, decide to discard her apprehensions and open her mind to the possibilities that we might share together.

OK, I know this was long but I really wanted to get it out and hope it might be of some help to others.