What to do about a BF never EVER wanting to get married...

What do you think will be better about being married than being together, jag?

If you HAVE to be married and he doesn't want to, move on. You don't have a choice. Either compormise what you want to be with him or leave.

Ehbeth is right...what part of marriage means so much to you?

I am not sure... I just see so many of my friends getting married around me... How happy they are, and just knowing I will never get to experience that excitment and joy kinda bothers me...

Is it the wedding you want - or the marriage? They're rather different things.

His parents divorcing may have something to do with his emphatic "no" to marriage but it's not the only reason why he doesn't want to wed ever. He may have other reasons, some of which he is not even able to explain/verbalize to you. If he doesn't want marriage then he doesn't want it. If forced, he may well resent you down the road.

It is a very popular concept - marriage - and understandable why you want it. However, it is becoming more prevalent that many people can do well in relationships without the necessity of a ceremony.

My first real boyfriend wanted badly to get married and have children and I told him exactly the same thing your guy told you - I would never get married to him or anyone else. It was simply a choice, a preference, and a decision I was 100% happy with. He wouldn't believe me and after several months of badgering, whining, pestering, trying to get me pregnant on purpose, and downright threatening me, I left him. I bumped into him six months ago and he wanted to know how many times I'd been married/how many children I had. I smiled and told him "remember I told you I never wanted to get married? well I meant it". Sometimes people really do mean what they say. If this man means so much to you that you are willing to do without marriage just to have him in your life, then stay with him. If you think you will resent him in 2, 5, 10 years for not giving you a ring and signing a piece of paper in front of your friends and family then you should leave.

Try simulating marriage. See what happens.

Apparently I ready your post too quickly and inserted a "t" where it's not. Whew!

Basically you need to decide for yourself whether you really do want to get married. If so, I suggest breaking up with him.

I was dating a man for 8 years. In the beginning he used to actually talk about us being married. I was in my twenties at the time and in no rush to get married, but I did eventually want to get married. As time progressed and I was getting older, I did want to get married - not necessarily just then, but some time in the future. We talked about and he basically said he didn't know if he ever would want to marry me or get married.

I thought hard about it and we continued to stay together, but it did put a strain on our relationship. I did not look at him in the same way any longer. Slowly I began to lose interest in him realizing there was little chance for a future. I eventually broke things off as I began meeting other men and began considering dating other men.

If marriage is important to you, (and not just all the excitement of the wedding) then I suggest breaking it off - because most likely you will end up doing it eventually and believe me once you become "single" again you realize how many hot men there are for the taking.

This might work....

Go out and get a great job with an incredible benefits package. He might marry you just to get in on the deal.

This is providing, of course, that he does not have a great benefits package of his own.

That's what finally convinced me to marry Mr. B.

But we'd lived together for 6 years by that point. Suddenly, marriage made financial sense to both of us.

Why do you think gay people want in on the deal?

Anyway, today is our anniversary -- we've been married 16 years. Time flies!

The thing i want to bring up is, if you two never do get married, you should (if you havent) write out a very detaild will. because if something happens to either of you, legaly you will have no say in the matters that arise.

in my opinon, if you love him and truely believe he is the one. you should let the matter rest. but if have to have a wedding or marriage then give him an ultimatem before you guys are together for another 5 or 10 years. dont let it fester and build up, no matter what you do. with this you really need to look into your heart and do some soul searching before you make your decision. dont let anyone infulence you either way. this is something you need to figure out on your own. the best of luck to you. i hope everything works out and you are happy in the end.

You gotta decide just how important marriage is to you. He may very well mean what he says.
If you are ok with the possibility of no-marriage EVER; okay then.
If not, you have to leave. Period.
Tough one for you. Sorry.
It is also a great time for you to really examine what a marriage is and is not. I'm talking facts.

Thank you all for the great advice, I have some thinking to do. Luckily it isnt to the point where I am forcing it on him or talking about it constantly only because its not somthing I want to do right at this moment in my life. Happy Anniversary Boomerang!

Thank you very much!

I hope things work out just the way you want them too.

But being married is hard. Way, way harder than you could ever expect if you take that "death do you part" stuff seriously.

Being in love is easy. And lovely. And breath-taking.

And the sex is better.

Don't be in any hurry.

Someone.... Virginia Wolfe?..... sorry, can't remember said "A woman should have her own room and money".

Don't get married till you've had your own room and your own money.

Trust me on this.

I know how you feel, I am 22 and my BF is 28. I have been with my BF for 5 yrs and when he was 21 he got married to a girl that was younger then him and they stayed married for 3 yrs until he found out that the whole time she was cheating on him with a 40 yr old man. I know I shouldn't but I hate her for that, b/c now he has a hard time trusting. I mean we have been together for a lot longer then them two and I want to get married and he (I think) wants to too, but he doesn't want to get hurt again - and believe me I never and never have cheated on him. So my advice to you and to myself is to wait if you really love him. I know in my heart that he loves me and he will come around soon. I have learned that pushing the subject just get us into fights. I love him with all my heart and I am willing to wait if thats what it takes. Good luck

Rachae--




Talking about something he doesn't want to talk about--like the future--starts fights?

If you want to wait forever in a perpetual present, be prepared for many, many more years of waiting.

what i mean by waiting,doesn't mean forever. I know he will marry me one day. i think he gets frusrated about this subject, b/c thats all i use to talk about.

After five years, you are entitled to do some talking about the future--and if he doesn't want to talk about the future with you, perhaps your future is elsewhere.

perhaps.....