Why won't my wife be sexy for me?

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Just passed the 5 year marker in our marriage. More and more frequently I believe I made the wrong decision in marrying her.

I am a very passionate man, and almost enjoy the foreplay more than the actual act of intercourse. Before we got married I remember the wife actually initiating things sexually and going out of her way to turn me on (sexy clothing, innuendos, teasing.)

Now typically we have sex once a week, but there is no fire there. I am always the initiator, and it feels like she does it out of duty now, rather than actually enjoying it like she used to. She's put a stop to foreplay and typically just wants to get in on (feels more like get it over with).

I've talked with her about this many times, and all I need is for her to show that she thinks I'm sexy, and worth putting a couple minutes of effort into putting on a nice set of panties or heels. Have sex on the couch or standing, anythingn other than missionary in bed.

I end up feeling like I'm pushing her into something she doesn't want, but I want her to want it, and want it bad. I'm very clean, well built, and take good care of myself. More and more I end up masturbating because it's more exciting than sex. She seems sad I feel this way, but nothing changes.

Emotionally, everything if pretty happy. Sexually, I'm dying inside. I'm only 30 years old. Sad

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but, are you sexy for her?

or.....

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Have you and your wife discussed this problem? Has she simply lost her sex drive or her passion for you? Does she know her behavior is hurting you. I assume you wife is also about 30 and some women experience a drop in their hormone level about this time. It's fixable with something as simple as testosterone cream. She would have to speak to her doctor to make sure that it would help.

You could also try a little weekend vacation where you could be alone in a new location. Sometimes it helps just to get away from the stress of daily life. Buy her a sexy piece of lingerie and box it up with a note saying you have made a reservation for a private weekend with her at ________________. Make sure it's a place you can spend quite time with her, no casinos or crowds.

The other option is to find a good marriage counselor to help you sort out the deeper issues. If you wife is willing to work with you in finding a solution I think you will be successful. If she does want to cooperate, there is little you can do and the marriage is probably on shaky ground. Whatever you do, don't have a baby, nothing crashes a woman's sex drive faster than that.

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I would have to agree with GW - talk it out with her and/or a counselor.

I have heard of women losing testosterone over the years. Maybe that could be it.

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mmmm.. it's really a problem

Ithink u can try another way since u tried talking to her and ended up in nothing .. u can try neglecting her for some time till she feels that u r not interessted in her &when she feels so she will be burning with desire to have u back and then she will do her best in pleasing u and satisfying your needs :wink: but beware that this method needs patience...try it and let me know the results

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Wild passions wane over the years. A happily married couple will be passionate over one another, but not at the same level as when they were first together.

How is your marriage in general? Often, women who are angry at their spouses, will lose some of their physical desire. Do you and your wife have any unresolved issues? Is there anything eating at her, which might make her turn away from you?

Do you have children? Women with young kids often simply don't have the energy for passionate sex. At night, they are just beat, and want to rest.

It seems that you have mentioned this to her. Why does SHE think that this is happening? Is she concerned that it is affecting you?

I would say that you should have a heart-to-heart talk with your wife, and consider marriage counselling.

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Well, are you doing the same things for her that you used to? Do you still court her like you did when you were dating? Do you make sure she knows she's special, sexy, beautiful in your eye? Sex starts WAY before the foreplay - are you putting in effort there? Does she still feed attractive, has she put on weight and is embarrassed? Most likely there is some reason that has nothing to do with sex.

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Do you go out of your way and make her feel sexy and beautiful and appreattied? I agree sex starts way before in the bedroom. have you tried takeing her out, buying her some flowers, heres an idea...

Go to victoria secret, buy her a sexy onsomble, some perfume(personally i like Pink from victoria secret), and then some flowers. rent a hotel room and give her, her presents Smile

but if you dont have the money for that. just send the kids to their grandmas(if you have kids). pick her up a single rose and make a romantic dinner.

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If I were you,I would not go overboard on the filmy lingerie. At this point in time, your wife might consider it a ploy to get her into bed, and become even more aloof. I think that you need to show her the little courtesies. Be more attentive, (but not overbearing), listen to her, and take her emotional needs more seriously.