Church Bulletins

Church Bulletins

Let us give thanks for the church ladies with typewriters who prepare
church bulletins and fail to proof their work. The following excerpts
actually appeared in church bulletins, or were read from bulletins as
announcements:

1. Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at
Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

2. Announcement in a church bulletin for a national Fasting & Prayer
Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference
includes meals."

3. The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon
tonight: "Searching for Jesus."

4. Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 p.m. in
the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

5. "Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of
those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your
husbands."

6. The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to
a conflict.

7. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.

8. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "hell" to someone who
doesn't care much about you.

9. Don't let worry kill you off...let the Church help.

10. Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again" giving
obvious pleasure to the congregation.

11. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a
nursery downstairs.

12. Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the
help they can get.

13. Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more
transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of
Pastor Jack's sermons.

14. Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the
church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

15. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.
Music will follow.

16. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is
Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

17. Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of
several new members and to the deterioration of some older
ones.

18. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be
recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

19. The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb
entertainment, and gracious hostility. Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00
p.m. Prayer and medication to follow.

20. The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They
may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

21. This evening at 7 p.m. there will be a hymn sing in the park across
from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

22. Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies
are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

23. Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 p.m. Please
use the back door.

24. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian
Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

25. Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.

26. The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign
slogan last Sunday "I Upped My Pledge. Up Yours."

27. Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High."