Feeling a little bad-- and silly

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Hello,
I was just wondering-- do you think it's rude if you invite someone you like but aren't close to (I've hung out with her occasionally-- she is a good friend of some very close friends of mine) to your wedding, and she ends up attending the wedding but not getting you a wedding gift or inviting you to her wedding?
I feel kind of slighted-- I've always been nice to her and have tried to include her in everything. I'm not overbearing or cold, although I'm pretty quiet when I don't know people that well, and when we all hang out she seems to like me fine. I try and make myself feel better by saying that she isn't all there mentally (she did a lot of drugs in school according to my friends and they say it had a huge negative impact on her brain)-- but I'm just not convinced that she forgot she was at our wedding! Even if she is worried about expenses, I would think she could tell me "hey, I'm sorry but..."
On top of all of this, I tend to move around the country a lot, and I have been getting more and more distant from my friends, although we have a blast whenever I get back to where they are to visit. I guess I just feel bad about the whole thing-- and if I had close friends where I am now, it probably wouldn't be a big deal.
I know this is dumb, petty, high-school stuff -- and I feel silly even posting this-- but I feel so bad!

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It's not polite to expect a gift but awfully rude to not even bring a card to a wedding you've been invited to. If she can't afford anything, at the very least she should have taken you and/or the groom aside wished you well and thanked you for inviting her to your special day.

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dont feel silly...I would be blimmin annoyed as well, the 'Gift' issue wouldnt worry me, but to not have the decency to be invited to her wedding in return....what does that tell you?

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I was feeling the opposite. Just because someone invites you to their wedding does not oblige you to invite them to yours. Same can be said for standing up in a wedding. You do not owe anyone anything.

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yeah, we all know it's rude, but some people just never learned this stuff.

I don't mean to say it's fine to behave this way, but some people just never, well, learned what you're supposed to do when you go to a wedding.

maybe she's just ignorant.

I got a bird feeder as a wedding gift once. jeez, uh, thanks.

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Thanks for your quick replies--
You guys are right about the gift. It's not that I badly wanted a gift from her -- and it wasn't a big deal to me when we got married, or even when she gave my friend a gift when she got married-- but after she told me about her wedding without inviting me it all began to irk me (so maybe I am being rude about that)!

By expenses, I meant the expense of having another person at the wedding-- even if she explained to me that she would like to have me over for the wedding, but can't afford to have anyone but very close family and friends come, I think I wouldn't feel so awkward knowing she's inviting my friends but not me.

KiwiChic-- I guess it tells me that she doesn't really like me or care that I feel bad. Or maybe it's the drugs. Smile

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Chai-- you could be right, it didn't occur to me that maybe it just doesn't seem rude to her-- I'll try and give her the benefit of the doubt Smile

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Maybe her not giving you a gift or inviting you to her wedding was her semi-subtle way of agreeing that yes, you two aren't close.

Me, I'd write her off, you are not close, anyway, and she doesn't seem to be too broken up about it. Live and learn.

Oh, and welcome to A2K. Smile

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Haha-- usually I pick up on subtleties, but could be...
thanks for the welcome!

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I believe that if a person gets a wedding invitation, specifically addressed to them (plus partner or not) and they go to the wedding, then they should give a wedding present. If they cannot afford a wedding present and/or do not feel close to the bride/groom, then they should decline.

I am wondering if she was surprised by your invitation and felt she would be hurting you if she did not accept? Her lack of present may have been because she genuinely could not afford it or felt she would be embarrassed if it did not match in value the cost of her plate and so she decided not to buy a present at all.

As for inviting you to her wedding - no biggie - I wouldn't worry about that. Wedding invitations vary tremendously from couple to couple and what once couple does can be far different from another. Some have big weddings with lots of people, inviting those who are more associates than friends, others invite only very close loved ones who are guaranteed to show up.

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the thing here is that did all your other friends get an invite to her wedding??

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yes, in that circle of friends I'm the only one left out.

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Heeven -- I didn't really mind her coming to my wedding empty-handed then, and I can even understand now why she doen't care to invite be since we aren't close (and I may still feel a little left out) -- but I feel like it is thoughtless not to say anything about why she can't invite me.
I feel worst that she discusses her upcoming wedding with my friends while I am there, and I wish I could be excited but just feel so awkward-- because I did invite her and because I'm the only one left out of the circle. Thanks though-- maybe she's not trying to be rude and just thinks differently about these things.

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sagar11 wrote:

yes, in that circle of friends I'm the only one left out.

then I refer back to my original post, I would give her a big miss, she's not worth the bother of being upset about

...you cant say its the drugs, you are not invisible so there really is no excuse, she just is not keen on you for some reason.

Chin up...just focus on your genuine friends :wink:

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absolutely KC!
Thank you everyone for your responses.

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I don't understand why you invited her in the first place if you aren't close to her at all (it sounds like she is more friends of your friends than your friend).

She may have thought you were trying to pull in extra presents by inviting her.
Obviously, I doubt that is what you intended.
But people do this. All of a sudden they are getting married, you get an invite in the mail, and it's like "****, I barely know this person, and they are expecting a present?!"
However, she could have declined.

Anyways, don't fret about it. Just focus on enjoying your good friends and your new marriage. Razz

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(sigh)
I really don't know why I invited her-- I liked her and we hung out, so I figured why not. I've been invited to weddings by people that I'm not close to but hang out with sometimes, so I didn't think it was strange to invite her. I wasn't doing this for the presents. and I've come to the conclusion that I have no way of knowing what she thought (or thinks), so I'm going to try and forget the whole thing.

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Feeling a little bad-- and silly

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