Being In Love

Well, that's ever happened to me, Sarge, but hey, it might have happened to other folk, for all I know!

It depends on why you fell out of love.

It's possible.

yup, been there done that.

yeah, it's definitely possible...if you are apart for long enough to forget why you stopped loving that person and you are desperate enough, it's possible

Well, I guess I could fall madly in love with my ex again ..... a long way down the track, when he'd turned into an entirely different person, perhaps? :wink:

You don't have to be desperate, at all. The circumstances that fizzled you may change-- alot can change.

^^ what Lash said!

OK..I am no longer "in love" with my wife, but I am struggling to figure if the spark can re-appear. After reading the posts here, I see it can happen.

hey sarge, a great poster here named debra law has posted a link on occasion to a site called Marriage Builders. I've looked around there a bit and it seemed to have some good advice, that is if you're open to discussion of your feelings and some counseling type of exercises. Might be worth a shot. Good luck.

Yes, it can happen.

If you originally loved her with all your heart, then there was a reason. If the relationship has fizzled out then it's simply a matter of discovering what that original reason was, and find a way to get back to it.

I say simply, but it's not. It will most likely involve a rather drastic shift in the way you both have come to do things. But it's possible, and it's been done.

Best luck.

I am trying to regain the spark and it just isn't happening. We haven't even fought in over a week. Confusion abounds here.

Whoa, Sarge, I think you have seriously misinterpreted the posts here.

1) "The spark" and Love are not synonymous at all. The spark is something initial, which leads to love, which lasts. I can't speak out of experience here, but I would bet you any amount of money that the people here who have years of marraige under their belt would corroborate...that the spark never really comes back, except for extreme circumstances, but that the loving can continue.

2) When people said that you could fall back in love after falling out, I don't think they meant that it was something that happens just because you want it to happen. You can't force love. It's there, or it isn't. I think they meant that, it's possible for it to be there after a period of it not being there...not that you can make it be there when it's not by trying harder.

ok...so I am trying to fall back in love and it's not really happening. I want to, it would be so much easier.

well, what do you mean by "trying to fall back in love"?

I agree w/ stuh, you can't expect to ever have that same initial excitement and "spark" that is there when you're fiirst with someone. That is just the newness, and your wife can't ever really be new to you again. Especially if you're comparing your feelings for your wife with the excitement of the flirtation you've been having with that other girl, your love for your wife is going to seem less exciting in comparison.

You should be thinking of your relationship wiht your wife with your whole heart, not approaching it as, "If things with my wife become good enough, then I'll forget about the other woman. But until I see that things can be exciting again with my wife, I'm keeping my options open." If that is how you're approaching it (and it seemed to be for a large part of your posts here), then you aren't giving your wife or your marriage a fair chance because your heart isn't in it.

And you mentioned it being "so much easier" if things worked out with your wife. If making things easy on yourself is your reason for trying, again, your heart really isn't in it.

So what are you trying to do to fall back in love? My mom gave me some really good advice once. She said that when she and my dad split up for a while, while she was gone she realized that she had changed the way she thought about him. When they were first together, she always thought good things about him, and that made her feel good and led to her being happy wiht him. As they were together longer, she had slipped in to the habit of thinking only negative things about him. She made a concious effort to change this, and forced herself to think of good things about him everytime a bad thought popped into her head. She said that she changed her pattern of thinking until it became a habit again, as it had been when they were first together. I have used this strategy in my own relationship (5 years and counting ) and it really can help. You must make a real effort to change your habit of thinking, though, and it takes time.

I have thought about leaving. Her and I agree..we could give it a one month break, but, we both fear our egos wouldn't allow us to resume our relationship.

To put it bluntly:

If your egos get in the way of you two patching it up, then it won't get patched up. From what I can gather by your 1 - 2 line posts, neither of you is really emotionally and mentally ready to be in a marriage of any kind, let alone with each other.

The key to a successful marriage is to outgive the other. Having an ego in that kind of situation doesn't fly, never will.

Cheers, and best luck.

I fear you may ultimately be right