Standing at the edge… not sure how to process

Back away slowly. Then run. This is not a good situation for you, and you are wise enough to see that. That's good.

And it's not a good thing to jump into less than ideal relationships just because other things have been disappointing or not easy. As we get older, and we're out of school, it's harder and harder to meet someone. And it's easier and easier to want to fall into settling, because you just want it to be over and done with and start nesting already (whether or not you want kids, I don't mean that, I mean, you -- and most people -- just want it to be set and not have to worry about it any more).

Here's an idea -- go out and meet people, try to break out of this rut. I am not talking about bars, I am talking about, say hello to people, any people. Available people, unavailable people. Men, women, children, everyone. Let a smile be your umbrella and say good morning to everyone, even the mailman, even the bus driver, even the court clerk, the guy behind the deli counter. Everyone.

And, get yourself into situations where you can meet people who share your interests and values. Take a class. Volunteer. Do charity work. Get into sports. Join a book or movie club. Get out there. The elections around here (midterm stuff) are coming up in a week -- I have friends who are into the electoral process. It's late in the game for that (I'm married, anyway, and not looking), but the bottom line is, this is another way to extend outside your comfort zone.

And, another way, is to do it in a directed manner. That means the personals, either through a newspaper or magazine, or online. I am assuming you are a woman. If so, then you're in luck, as most dating sites and personals sites want women, and often the fees are less. Another way to meet people is online forums, much like we have right here. Mr. Right may or may not be here, but it's another way to keep up the skill of meeting and talking (such as it is ) to people outside of your comfort zone. An advantage is you can socialize online at any time, and without dressing up.

You are right that it's not good that you are eating, sleeping, breathing work. This is not good for anyone. This is not your only option. There are a lot of other fish in the sea. You just have to cast your line and toss out your net a bit. You'll do fine. Welcome to A2K.

hmmm yes I agree with Jespah, leave well alone, he sounds very much
torn in his life and lacks confidence to do anything about it....I think all you are to him is just a nice relief and distraction away from his real world.

I seem to get the feeling you are lonely and are reaching out to this guy
who you can relate to....be a friend to him but dont cross the line, I would say you will regret it further down the track.

thank you
I hear you guys, loud and clear... but I feel like a deer-in-the-headlights on this one. I'm numb. I really do like him and definitely identify with his lonliness. Please note, he just wanted to tell me and with that, wasn't suggesting anything else... which may be why I'm confused. He said he had to tell me, as not to would be a lie, which I kinda understand. It's not like there is a question that was presented, whereby an answer is in order. Perhaps that's just it, what is in order?

Note: I do go out -- not as much as I used to, all the trouble and expensive and often times for naught -- and I'm very outgoing, love to laugh. I manage to have fun in whatever I do, but most times I'm so uninspired by the sea of blah... And I wish I had a dollar for those men (married and single alike) who tell me "Why aren't you married?" and then just go on about their way. I'm big on saying hello to everyone (not because I'm looking, but I just want to live in a world where hello isn't a big deal). I've done a few classes and there are many local events to partake in... I'm to the point where I think a change of venue may be in order, as I have no problem meeting guys in NYC... but that's another topic.

Again, I appreciate your comments and would love to hear from others.

My honest opinion is that it was very unkind and inconsiderate of him to tell you he loves you. So he doesn't tell a lie?! BS! He wanted to see what would happen, how you would react, and get it off his chest. He wasn't thinking about you.

Maybe I'm cynical. But I think he should have kept his mouth shut. He has now put you in an uncomfortable situation and put the ball in your court to either: profess your love back and give him a nice ticket to 'freedom' etc, or to have to be uncomfortable around him bc you now know he feels this way around you, or....you get the idea. What a dink!

I would have been shocked and confused too. I think you need to take this as an opportunity for a Wake Up call You know there are men out there who find you attractive and want to be with you. You know you can connect with someone even though you work so much (see, it is possible to open up and find time for someone special)......
So run from this dude in the best way you see fit and be pro-active. Use that determination and commitment you channel into work to connect with a nice, single guy. Best of luck.

Just my 2 cents.

I don't see why it has to be like that, why him being honest has to be about himself although thats more then likely the case. Why is it that telling someone they are beautifull must infer something else?

Why can't one acknowledge good without attaching want as the purety of beauty is defined by it's lack of desire. If one does not long after something does this person refuse it?

Knowing when to keep your mouth shut is an admireable trait, something i've never been good at. I'd like to think you could tell someone the ball isn't in your court because we aren't playing a game.

The only way to truly complement a woman is to do it and walk away