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Is Hell exothermic or endothermic?

 
 
Reply Thu 27 Oct, 2005 06:40 am
The following is supposedly an actual BONUS question given on a
university chemistry exam. The answer by one student was so
profound that the professor shared it with colleagues via the Internet,
which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as
well.


Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law
(gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some
variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we
need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate
at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once
a
soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different
religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state:
that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.

Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not
belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to
Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number
of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of
change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order
for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume
of
Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls
enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase
until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in
Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes
over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Joani during my Freshman year
that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you", and take
into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2
must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has
already
frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen
over, it follows that it is not accepting any
more souls and is therefore, extinct ... leaving only Heaven, thereby
proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night,
Joani kept shouting "Oh my God."

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"
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Type: Discussion • Score: 0 • Views: 508 • Replies: 3
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Chai
 
  1  
Reply Thu 27 Oct, 2005 07:37 am
That is truly great.

This one's going in the receipe box.
0 Replies
 
seibentage
 
  1  
Reply Fri 28 Oct, 2005 03:00 pm
Very nice. I like it.
0 Replies
 
InfraBlue
 
  1  
Reply Fri 28 Oct, 2005 09:02 pm
Great story.

Yeah, I got that story some time ago by email. Is that how you got it, shewolf? There are just a few degrees of separation between people on the internet. If you got the email recently, then I wouldn't doubt that somewhere along the line, I received that very email myself and sent it along the electronic grapevine.
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