Taking out the real mother of evil...MOTHER NATURE

For those who live in Boston: I'm sure you're like me, and ready to go kill the next person you see walking down the street because of this snow. I mean, throw me a frickin' bone, here.

So here's the plan: we're going to remove Mother Nature and her regimine from leadership. She's proved to be a wicked, heartless dictator. Bringing snow and cold down on our people. I have collected undisputable proof and evidence that she's hiding out in the vast sea of trailer parks in West Virginia with her team.

Our cause is just. We will prevail.

In what's going to be the biggest military campaign in history, we're going in, first with an air attack of shock and awe to take out any defense systems and junked trans ams in the trailer parks. Then we're sending in the ground troops in a hands-on search for the bitch.

I want her dead, or alive.

Although we will stop at nothing to remove her from power, we will do our best to spare all the wife-beater wearing fathers, their dumb kids, and fat smelly wives. We shall also confiscate all cans of budweiser and pabst blue ribbon, as we feel they contain deadly chemicals Ms. Nature uses in her quest to freeze us all to death.

Once we remove the Mother of all snow, and we will, no matter how long it takes, Boston shall remain a peaceful, mild-wintered city, without the interference of this wicked bearer of bad weather.

We will drive our convertibles with the tops down. We will...