Break up. but can we still be friends???

Hey PQ,

The seperation and breakup of a "good thing" is always difficult. There will be hurt, and most likely some tears. It's a very difficult situation to pull yourself out of, and can lead to depression if left unchecked.

My advice, if you're wanting advice at all right now, is to go out with some friends. Go out and do. Don't give yourself the chance for "moping". If he chooses to end it, it's not the end of the world that it may feel like. It certainly won't be sunshin and gumdrops, but not the end.

Get out, do things, take your mind off of it. And I believe I can safely say that most of us have been there, and we feel your pain. Best wishes to you.

thanks questioner. going out does help. Its hard to stop myselffrom ringing him though, i just want things to be back how they were.

the day after we broke upwe were both at a party, and ended up hugging, and we kissed a few times.
I just think that we can never be friends. I still fancy him. and love him. If we were friends then i dont think i could cope with it.

Hi Pentacle Queen,

Yes, it is very possible to be "just" friends after a break up. Providing it was a decent relationship. No abuse. And a whole lotta respect was exchanged while you were dating.

For you, right now is not the time to try and be friends. You are still hurting inside and you both need to heal first.

If the sex was especially good between you .......it might be hard to leave that alone while building on this new friendship phase. The more you loved someone, the harder it is to have a simple "friends with benefits" kinda relationship. That all too familiar tugging of your heartstrings, while lying in his arms after a heated lovemaking session, would be a little too hard to ignore. That's just my opinion though. I know lots of people that handle it just fine.

Give it time, girlfriend. :wink: Ex boyfriends can make some of the best friends, if you allow it to happen on it's own. No mapping it out in your mind - no scheming - no expectations.

depends on your maturity I suppose....I broke it off with my ex after being together for a few good years and we are still very good friends, but in saying that.... it took us a year and a half to get over all the upset and give each of us both the time to settle the emotions down, before we could move ahead to have the friendship that we have today.

Well, I'll be the oddball here.

How can I say this without being a jerk...I'm not good at softening things sometimes, so please don't be offended.

When we break up; it's always for a reason. Whether the relationship was good, bad, or ugly; it hurts awful bad.

Get all these ideas of friendship with him outta your head! They are just your clever mind trying to find ways to see him, touch him, be with him again as soon as possible bc you miss him.

A break should be as clean and straight forward as possible. I do not believe in messing around with it at all bc it prolongs the heartbreak.
No Contact. No friendship. Nothing.

I am one of those follks that generally, after being in a relationship with someone, the friendship is done as well. There is no rule that a friendship must come after a strong relationship! Some are meant to be strong and blaze, and then pass away. That doesn't reduce anything that was. It doesn't mean if you see each you are indifferent. It just means a change.
Yes, sometimes it evolves into a new sort of friendship, sometimes not.

This is the attitude I think would best serve you right now.

We never know what the future brings. That is for dealing with when it comes (having a friendship, etc. ).

Take it or leave it. I mean no offence.

Pentacle, I was in a similar situation...my way of dealing with it was to simply cutoff all contact with her. Maybe that sounds cruel, but it's what I had to do in order to get over her. One way or another we were going to be separated, and I'd rather not constantly think about what I was missing. It was depressing for a while, but eventually I stopped caring...and found someone new. It will happen with you too. But it won't even start to happen while you are still trying to call him all the time and see what's up. If you are just friends, yet you still try to keep communication with him, how are you going to feel when you pick up the scent of another woman? Not good...you have to let him go until you forget him and move on.

Heya. Okay so firstly I feel for you and I'm really sorry you have to go through this, I too have been in a similar situation. You don't need to apologise for telling us your problems, thats what were here for. To me, the fact that you're waiting for him to decide puts you in the worst position; that means you're just waiting and waiting in anticipation of whatever he may tell you. I think you should talk to him properly and get a proper decision to end your pain.

The fact that he doesn't think it will work because he goes to uni is difficult because you two haven't fully tried it yet so neither of you actually know if it would work and if you tried it, and it didn't, then you would both realise and know what had happened and the break might not be so bad, it might be more natural. Obviously you think it was working... that he doesn't want to loose you if really positive and he obviously is very fond of you. It really seems a shame that you should let such a strong relationship go on the pretense that it 'might not work'. Why not try it, and find out for certain? You might find it comes to a mutual agreement.

Yeah it is possible to still be friends. Like some people have already said, it will be okay to be friends if your relationship was good and neither of you were too offended by the parting. I personally believe if you choose to break up that you should not see each other for a while (up to 6 months-ish) to get over each other sexually and be able to have a good respect with out confusion.

As far as the things he bought you goes, I think room rearranging helps if you have the space, and when you see day-to-day things like jam, you should be thinking how awesome it is to know a guy like him, even if he is only a friend, what a cool person to know.

I would say your best off to call an end to your relationship, anyone you love will be someone you love forever, love doesn't always make your path follow anothers. Should your paths cross again in the future that is when you should see what it is and not waste your time beating yourself up over someone who isn't there. This is all you'll end up doing should you decide to attempt a realtionship from a distance.

Love is the ability to appreciate someone reguardless. Acknowledgeing ones beauty even in anothers arms is the truest

Cut him off.


You have to do it.

thank you guys, some really good advice there.
we are gonna give it another try, which im glad about, but if it doesnt work, then that will be it, and i'll just have to get over him. maybe not see him for a while, then meet up and see if we can be friends.
there are other guys in the world, as i realised last night when i met this very very fit guy, who actually liked me, so i was quite impressed. but im not just gonna throw away a whole years worth of relationship just cos some other guy has more muscles.
i'll see how it goes.
hes talked to me and since we broke up hes realsied what a twat hes been apparently, and he has made some changes, good ones. and i plan to do the same. learn from it.

Cool, I wish you good luck

Yeah thats great. Good luck.