Husand not attracted-help

Hey Samarei22!

Your situation is not all that uncommon among married couples. A few notes from what you've said:

1) Sexual satisfaction is something that should be enjoyed by both partners. If your needs aren't being met, this needs to be addressed. If you feel you can have a good discussion with your husband about this and get responsive answers then do so. If not, marriage counseling is an excellent method of improving/reshaping the desires and wants of both spouses. I would recommend it highly.

2) There are any number of reasons why a man becomes disinterested with sex. One reason is stress. Another is poor self esteem. Yet another is the amount of work involved in arrousing you beforehand, or foreplay. Any of these might be hampering his libido. Finding methods to ease or relieve whatever might be the cause should help restore his sexual desire.

3) Sexual attractiveness in marriage is a bit of a myth. Love can go a long way to ignoring any perceived blemishes or imperfections. If he loves you as professed, and if you've not changed drastically (ie: gained 45 lb's or grown a third arm) then the way you look isn't really the issue. In short, he may be dodging. See #2 for reasons why th is may be so.

Whatever the case, as I stated earlier counseling can go a long way to helping the two of you resolve this problem and get on with being in love.

Thanks for your suggestions. I guess my biggest problem is that it seems he has never been attracted to me(based on how he worded things last night).

We've been through a lot in just our 4 years. Abusive behavior and near infidelity(he asked me if he could be with another woman and come back to me). We've been able to work through most of those, but he refuses to see a counselor.

I guess this just seems to be a straw on the camel's back. Then again, I am sure I'm over dramatic, since I am still emotional about the discussion.

I appreciate your comments.

Samarei22

Samarei22 - if this was my situation I would leave and find some who appreciated and respected me. I would rather be alone than be a relationship where my partner cared so little for me that he would even suggest having an affair with no consequences. I think your husband has some real problems and he has made them yours. This is a great relationship for him and rather shoddy for you.
I think you should go to counseling alone and find out why you stay in this relationship. You need to learn to value yourself and find a man who will do the same. Wishing you a happier future.

Oy. Ok, well that is an altogether different situation. The above description smacks of an altogether disinterested spouse. If he refuses to see a counselor, and all of the above is accurate and untainted by your perception, I would have to agree with Green Witch.

This sounds like a situation best escaped from. Best wishes to you.