Cheating?

He may or may not have another woman in his life. You havent said much about your relationship over the past so many years. Was there something amiss?

Do you have children?

I'm sure you are hurt, viv, anyone would be. Maybe we could offer more useful advice if you gave more info.

He sounds like he thinks the marriage is stopping him from doing what he should have done in his youth.
I think he resents you for 'being in the way'.
Obviously I dont know him/your detailed situation but I reckon he wants to live out his youth and the only way he can do that is to be single.
If he already had some other woman he would probably just carry on cheating and keep you too.

I hope he hasnt intended to hurt you it seems you are the only factor stopping him from acting the way he wants too.

It seems that he is diverting from his path. This could be due to some factors like he may be encouraged by the lifestyle of some his friends.
I think you should give him some freedom and let him do things he want ,that might change him.

And 14 years is a long time and it desnt make any sense that now he is blaming you.

Sounds to me like he's been married for 14 years and doesn't know what he wants.

what are you going to do about that?

I was in the dark and shoked when he told me. He says he's been feeling this way for a couple of years. Unfortunately, he is not the type to voice his concerns and ends up internalizing. I, on the other hand, will vent immediately and get over it just as fast. So I'm left now wondering what went wrong. We are (or were) a very active couple, meaning we always did things together from snorkeling to going out dancing until early morning. We really had fun together and I thought that was an indication of strength in our relationship. He still says I'm really "cool" to hang out with and I'm a great girl, but he enjoys going out and flirting and having a good time. WE have two children ages 16 & 14 and they pretty much are in their world or so he tells me. I think they probably are hurt, but are not showing it.

Thanks for the posts they really are helpful.

The story sounds like Mid-Life Crisis. I don't know if its worth saving or if it even can be saved. But if he is unwilling to acknowledge any help, he is beyond help. He has already decided, I'd bet a long time ago, that he was getting out. It probably just took him this long to get up the courage to tell you. He probably loves you but feels he is not "in love" with you.

My suspicions would be that he doesn't have someone on the side, primariy because people who cheat are selfish and he would probably be very content having you and his girlfriend. He may have had affairs in the past but leaving you for another woman is, IMO, unlikely. Especially when you would have appeared to be clueless to his infedility. But I could be wrong. It really doesn't matter now though, does it?

You need to make peace with the fact that it's over. Easier said than done, I know. But you have to start moving on.

How can he, your husband refer to yu as a great girl!!?Your the mother of his children, surely you deserve a better label than that.

Nice to hear you do stuff together.

This must be really hurting yuo, but he sounds like he needs to get a 'wild youth' out of his system.
With your kids the age they are in their own worlds, doing their own things with their own interests this could be a time for both of you to explore new lives.
Im assuming you dont want to do this but maybe the threat of you with another guy will make him look at things differntly.

It's really hard to think about moving on right now. I'm stuck in this rut. I really don't have a great network of friends. I have a handful (if that) and they are married and doing their own thing. I would love to meet new people, so I'm thinking of taking some classes, anything to get out there. He's definitely not having a problem going out. His workplace (hospital) is an easy venue for meeting people, whereas I work in a retirement community (not much luck here!) with very few employees and none in my age group. Thank you for your advise..any ideas where I can meet new people?

Oh my god we are quite similar, all my pals are attatched and doing their own thing, so I hardly see them or go out like we used to, plus ive been thiking the only way to meet people is going to evening classes.
Ive been thinking this for years and not done anything about it.
I seem to resent having to pay money to meet people.But the alternative is sitting in a pub on my own looking like billy no mates hoping creepy guys dont talk to me.

I think the gym or evening classes are the only solution.
Or if you can arrange it,try to make it a regular monthly thing to go out with a group of friends.
Sometimes it breaks my heart that my friends dont realise I dont have people to go places with.Im glad they are in relationships but sometimes i want to say 'hello, remember me'.

MGirl,

You sound like you know what you're talking about. I still don't think I can go to a bar by myself, I know I'll have to do it sometime. So how long have you been single, tell me it gets better. I also thought of going to a DIY workshop at a local hardware superstore ie, Home Depot, there might be unattached people I could meet. These generally don't cost any money and could be fun. I guess I'll just keep plugging away.

no clue
some info


men are strange. hell, i haven't been in a relationship with a woman (i'm a guy) in so long i can't remember. one reason: men hate attachments.
i like to chill with my friends, play pool, see a movie, etc, but if you have a relationship with someone, they often expect you to be there constantly. while men like the idea of having a family, they don't want to sacrifice their entire life for it. sorry, but its one of those things.

Knarf,

BS, I like to do all the same things....I used to do them with my husband. Thats an easy way out...

knarf, have you considered why you haven't been with a woman in so long? Perhaps it's your attitude. No woman wants to hear that she is an annoyance and even without words, the message you seem to be conveying is "Unless it suits me, you are a clinger". Maybe I am wrong but I know plenty of guys (many on here) who love spending time with their famililes and wouldn't shake them off for the world. IMO, this problem is his, not hers.

Thank you Bella, my sentiments exactly. He used to love spending time with us. It's like he's a different person now. He was taken over by aliens or something...I just don't know him anymore. Thanks for all your advise.