Parents in parks... where the hell are they?

Hmmmm...

The scowling and eye-rolling is weird.

One thing I'm really grateful for is our friendship with our across-the-street neighbors, starting when sozlet was about 2. I was overprotective at that point, I think. Neighbor dad was NOT. At this point he was on his second kid, and was very laissez-faire.

I'd bite my lip and sit on my hands when I saw Jack, a couple months older than sozlet, doing things I thought were WAY dangerous. But he was fine! E.G. definitely has overprotective tendencies, and I saw how that was starting to make sozlet tentative. (Easier to see cause and effect when it doesn't involve your own behavior.) So I started biting my lip and sitting on my hands while watching sozlet -- and she was fine, too! AND the tentative stuff faded, got back into being fearless explorer.

I usually try not to intervene unless I think she's in imminent danger of breaking a bone. Getting a skinned knee -- fine. Getting a little shaken up -- fine. She has gotten skinned knees and the wind knocked out of her, but she's also way athletic and WAY confident. (And no broken bones yet -- knock on wood.)

So I think there's something to be said about standing back and letting her do her own thing.

On the other hand, and boomer has talked about this too, I get a little sad when I see how rarely parents *play* with their kids. I act like a total spaz sometimes. Oh well.

On the OTHER hand <pulling out third hand from behind back> there are times when I've had a hard day and a trip to the playground is my opportunity to chill, and I just want to sit and not be bothered while she has fun with other kids.

how many hands do you have?


So- my mind goes like this-

Playground stairs = busted head
Playground slide= busted head
playground sand = in the mouth
playground kids = hitting
playground rocks = in the nose
playground platform = broken arm...

Ok.. i am working myself into a fit here just thinking about it.
Im sure there is a time that it isnt necessary to follow a child around. But she is only a year and a half, still trips over nothing.
A great amount of those kids were her age and under. It was .. eerie to see the playscape empty of adults.
BUT- i have also never had more then one child
So my fretfull-ness maybe just that.. and nothing else. Over protection.

What really ruffled my feathers was the looks. The exasperated sighs, the one who rolled her eyes.
They could have been very tired parents and ( here goes my ego ) possibly felt a twinge of - i should be up there too- when seeing me dancing the goose waddle , while they were sitting.
They could have been rolling there eyes because they didnt understand the goose waddle dance either.. possibly wondering how i was able to do such a wierd dance and not fall face forward .

Sit on my hands and bite my lip?
Ohhh dear.
I may have to think about that.. but not for another 20 years..

Sometimes you have to learn to sit on your hands.

My daughter started riding lessons at three and a half with a trainer who had a background in child psychology. We were given special instructions on how to react if she fell off her horse, how to comfort, support etc. Things went fine for a year and a half when finally she fell of the horse. We were on the opposite side from which she fell and parents and trainer immediately responded, mentally reviewing all the afore mentioned training as we ran around the horse... My daughter was trying to climb back on.

Kids are tougher than you think.

so, i guess.. it is abit strange to be following your child around all the time?
I mean, i DO give her space.. in the back yard for example. I make myself just sit there. When she starts to do something dangerous- run twords the driveway, finds something too long or too sharp on the ground- climbs too high on a chair..etc. I am right there.
At home the only time I live in her footsteps is when she is close to the stairs.
All good safety rules.

But ouside, where she gets interaction with other kids, should I be there to interviene? all the time?
Because honestly i do.
I am right there.. almost always.. and close enough to scoop her arm before she pats another child in the face, scoop her up before she falls on another child.. etc..

overkill maybe?

When Mo and I go to the park we totally goof around if we're the only people there.

If other kids his age show up I prefer that he join in the group and play, without me.

I don't want him to be shy or hesitent without joining in. We play a lot together just me and him so I think it is really good for him to not rely on me when there are other kids around.

I usually don't intervene unless I think he is an immediate danger to some other kid. Mo plays rough and mommies are lunatics.

I can deal with a broken bone but not a raging mommy who imagines that every tiny thing is going to scar her kid for life.

On the other hand, big diff between four and twelve months..

I remember a new well promoted children's playground in the LA area, designed by some major landscape architects. I won't name it since I don't want to dump on it particularly, except as an example of my own fears.

They had concrete bollards all around the sand area.
I suppose that kept invading skaters out...
but I could always envision babies' heads hitting them.
Dunno how that's worked over time.

Playground design is something one needs sturdy insurance to do...

hmm. I never thought of it that way.
I could very well be making her shy with out knowing it and reducing her ability to learn to play with other kids.
I always thought I could BE teaching her better.. BUT.. kids are kids. 1-2 year olds slap each other, they yell, they fall on each other and yes.. other mommies ( this one espically) are lunatics.
So i need to practice, sitting on my hands as well...
this
wont be an easy task...

I told Mr Wolf about this park experience this morning. And funny- he gave me a look similar to what I was getting in the park- and asked" do you ever let that child breathe'

at first i was actually pissed.
This statement from the daddy that tried to convince me that I needed to collect a stool sample from Bean because she got some dirt in her mouth and the doctor may need to check her..

He went on to say that - "Even at the play place, you are right behind her. You dont let her touch another child, you fill her sounds with what YOU THINK they mean and she doesnt even get the chance to FALL because you have your finger in the loop of her briches. Maybe you need to let her play alone sometimes"

I guess I have become one of those freaky mommies who live in their childs shadows instead of the other way around..
I dont see it this way. But , it must apply?
But how much " free-dom, seperation" is ok?
I know that kids will be kids, I know that she will fall, I know she will scream, i know she will.. .. just be a toddler.
But I cant help but think that Ic an save her from falling, or aggrivating another child, or putting rocks in her mouth.. or .. or or ..or.. >sigh<

In the house, I am diffrent. She slipps and falls, I wait for her to complain if she is hurt. I dont draw a ton of attention to it. I watch her, offer her a hand to get up, but I dont do the " ohhh pooor baby,, " treatment. Nine times out of ten she just bounces right back up and takes off running again.
Outside in our backyard, she tastes leaves, sticks, dirt, rocks, and i just offer her some water to make sure it isnt still in her mouth, and I carry some baby wipes to clean her fingers if necessary.. she runs, she falls, she throws things, she bumps her head on trees..
and I dont freak.
Put us in a park to gether and you would think we were still attached at the belly button I am so close to her.

Part of why I try to keep up with "sozlet stories" is that I have terrible amnesia about this stuff. If I see a picture or read something I wrote it comes back, and there are indelible memories, but this is the kind of thing that without source material I come up blank. I'm not sure.

I'm pretty sure that by 1, I was hanging around the edges of the playground ready to swoop in there if necessary, but letting her do her own thing mostly. By 18 months she was pretty

The kind of thing I'm talking about that made me sit on my hands when we started having playdates with Jack was like Jack climbing on top of a maybe 6-foot wood playhouse -- like standing on the top wall, so his head was something like 9 feet in the air. My instinct was to gasp and get under him ready to catch him if he fell, but as I started to get up, his dad made a "don't worry about it" gesture and yelled at Jack to get down (which he did, after some protest).

That was when they were both about 2. She had been running around and climbing freely at the playground for a while at that point.

One thing I do remember for sure is directly tied into Acquiunk's "tougher than you think" comment. There was a stretch around when we first started playing with Jack regularly when I was WAY more laissez-faire than my husband. What I remember is that I would have all of these worst-case scenarios in mind every time, and then when I let some stuff start happening -- yes, she fell off the stairs, yes, she put some sand in her mouth -- the results were just <shrugs>. Half the time when she took a mighty spill she'd just pop right back up, completely unconcerned, and when she did actually hurt herself, a bandaid and she was fine. <shrugs again>

So I had a lot more evidence of what she was capable of, and that helped me relax a lot in turn. When we'd go out as a family, E.G. would be all "be careful!", "Don't do that!", "get down!!" and I'd be like it's fine, it's fine, it's fine. He was suspicious but at my urging/ example finally got some of the evidence himself -- she's sturdy -- and then he relaxed, too.

Boomer makes really good points about other benefits, socializing especially. I'd intervene if it looked like she was going to hurt another kid too, that's a good point in terms of what else to watch for.

Maybe its not the fear of other kids or her getting hurt but the fear that an adult will harm her or snatch her up.

(Sentence fragment up there, I skipped ahead... by 18 months she was pretty much doing her own thing at the playground.)

Bella, I definitely keep an eye on sozlet at all times when she's at the playground, but that can be done from a distance, a little different from what we're talking about I think.

I interpreted it that the other parents were engrossed in what they were doing rather than watching their kids and were annoyed that Shewolf was playing. I also interpreted that Shewolf is much more protective in public rather than at home.

But I am not a parent so maybe I really don't know what you guys are talking about.

Mo didn't live here when he was Bean's age but he had already shown evidence of sturdiness.

I sort park parents into two categories -- the "dust yourself offs" and the "self esteem monitors".

If Mo teams up the a self esteem monitor's kid I am very vigilant because.... well.... 10 years from now I don't want some kid being told that the reason he can't lean his multiplication tables is becase Mo bonked him on the head at the time when math cells were forming.

I'm never out of eye-shot when we go to the park but most of the kids and moms at our park are regulars so it feels a bit safer.

I don't want Mo to be shy. I was a shy kid and I still have problems making friends. He's great at teaming up with kids and I hope he always has this kind of confidence.

wow, ok this is strange.
I had several posts about 2 hours ago.

I ended them with saying we were on our way to the park so I can practice the " sitting on the hands"

and now.. those posts are not here.
did i offend someone?
Holy hell.. if I did im sorry..
I definatly dont see how that could have happened.

Funny shewolfn - it is not in your area alone. I have had this same thought myself. Typically when I go to the park with my 6 and 2 year old, I don't have the opportunity to sit down. I go down the slides with them - particularly because the 2 year old is a dare devil and if I didn't she would go down the highest, steepest slide and kill herself (or at least I envision that).

At this one park we frequent, there is a house with a fence that is right next to the park. Once their dog was out. The dog would get excited whenever any of the children were near the fence. One little boy went right up to the fence and started kicking it - right where the dog's face was - either I was the only one to see it or the only one who cared. I yelled at him to stop. No parent in sight. I told him he should leave the dog alone unless he wants to get bit.

I go on the seesaw with them - sometimes on the swings or at the very least I am helping them on monkey bars, etc. (Bonus you play with your child and get exercise at the same time). Most parents are just hanging out. I did see one parent with older children playing hide and seek with them. Even though they were older (tween aged) they loved playing with their mom. They even invited my 6 year old to play. That is the rarity though.

I just figured maybe because I work fulltime, every moment that I have to spend with them - I want to fully participate with them. And maybe the other parents are with them 24/7 so they use this time to have some alone time.

so let me repost what had disappeared earlier..

The parks that I take bean to, as MOST parks have, all have these really BIG open areas around the playscapes.
I can, even sitting on a bench,see her perfectly and can see anyone coming before they get close enough to even THINK about grabbing her.
And yeah, that is a paranoia for me too.. someone snatching her. But I find myself more worried with her hurting herself before the baby snatching scenario..




This is my concern.
That i am , in a sense, hampering her social skills.
I am literally close enough to block even the accidental slap of another child. I am close enough that I am putting words in her mouth and giving her 'sounds' meanings that I THINK they should be... and that I believe is wrong.
I have always assumed that this was how to introduce play with other kids.. but , as I watch her , I am thinking that I have done her more harm then good.
She is very standoff-ish with kids . Tends to play on her own instead of trying to get in the mingle.. Now this could very well just be her personality too.. but I am thinking that my hoovering has had something to do with this.




This was my first thought as well..
But the more i think about it, the more I am thinking that those looks and expressions were more from a " it will be ok to just let her play" mindset then the " why is she up there like that?"



and this is where I think i am falling... and I dont want to be there. I dont want to be the parent that everyone is nervous about because I hoover over my child so much, i almost breathe for her.

SO-
I took her to the park to day for about 2 hours.
and when i got to the park, i walked her stroller in a circle around the play scape ( yes.. im a TRUE dork for this.. ) and used the tire marks as a 'boundry'.
And.. I let her go.
A few fingernails less and probally a new grey hair or two later, she is ok.
There were other kids, but she didnt race up to them. ( again, i think that is due to my hovering) There was a little baby there that was just learning to walk. She DID approach that baby and i closed in on her simply because , due to her size, she could hurt that child if she fell on him. But, that proved to be an unnecessary move as all she did was babble abit, then run away.

I don't recall seeing any other posts, shewolf. Perhaps there was a "cannot connect" message or something.

What happened at the park today?

look up.
;-)

it finally worked.
I dont know WHAT happened, but 3 posts just vanished into thin air.
someone needs to feed the hamsters i guess

Ooops sorry missed your last post.

I recall a lot about "parallel play" for that age group. I know Mo was well past three before playing with other kids was really even an issue.

Maybe one of the moms here can expand on this -- I have an information deficit regarding the under 2s.