Old love vs New love

I would wonder why I couldn't be happy without someone else. I would face that black hole once and for all before considering either.

I think you're putting an awful lot of pressure and onus on someone else to make your life happy.

So, if this other person doesn't want to get back to together with you, your unhappiness is HER fault?

Well, now at least you've got someone to blame if things go wrong, instead of taking responsibility for your own life.

the love which got me out of my hole made me look at life again and gave me the strength to start battleing all of the problems i've had. Lets say you have fixed all of your problems, which would be the right choice?

I made another topic about what needs to be brought to a relationship and what can be given from the other

It has been my experience that once an old fling (love) has reached a conclusion, it did so because of solid reasons on both sides. Attempting to revisit what you once had is rarely successful. My recommendation would be to move on.

There are plenty of people out there that you could form a mutually beneficial relationship with. And unlike the old love, these are beginning fresh without any preconceived notions of what the relationship should be.

I'm sorry, I'm not understanding you at all.

In your 1st post you are saying you are down and life and about to give up, in the one you are saying you have fixed all your problems.

Which is it?

What do you mean, what would be the right choice? Does the other person have no say so in the matter?

Can you be clearer in what you are saying?

Again, it seems you come down to you would like to choose to be with a particular person, not taking into consideration she doesn't want that.

If she rebuffs you, you will use that as an excuse for your unhappiness.

You haven't given a clue as to her feelings about this, do you even know?

The only person I have personally known who talks about what should be brought to a relationship has no one in his life, because in his take of the situation he feels he hasn't met someone who can "bring enough into the relationship"
The truth is, he has absolutely zilch to offer anyone, but uses this emotional dowry as an excuse for not being able to function himself.

Well the other person does have a say in the matter, the say is that they are interested in a relationship.

Lets say your wish is to have a second try at life and lets say that while you have time to reflect on your past and wait for death you think of your one true love, she was your love from highschool and she was your first meaning of the word, loyal devoted trust worthy and someone you could do nothing with but lay in bed or on the couch with every day all day. You were young and clueless so you let things get in the way, sure there were problems here and there but nothing to horrible. And now that you think back on how bad everything went for no real reason you have to wonder if you just gave up to easily, hey love isn't simple and it can get tough. So when your thinking about your demise and how you'd love another shot at life, at love your suddenly presented with a quest, a mission whos reward is exactly that, one where all of your problems will be solved and you will have everything you want, something to hold. So you decide what do I have to loose, you go off chaseing the chance of love only to find out when you get there it wasn't anything like it was supposed to be, the woman who got you out of your hole and told you that your problems don't matter because she loves you is nothing but an empty image. Now you are stranded out of your hole with no reason to stay out but unable to go back in, you try to keep the new reasons you've found for enjoying the world but it just doesn't really matter with a black empty spot. While your sitting pondering your hole you dug so long ago you find new hope of another. This one is everything you imagined from the last and more, this time you have no room to worry about her it's only you who you are left to worry about, failure this time can only be in your hands.


So now that you've heard the story what would you do

I sure wish you would stop beating around the bush and spit it out.

Tell me if this is the story....

You had one chick, who you loved and lost, and still think about her all the time..

You met someone else and it didn't work out...

Now, you've managed to get ahold of the first one, and don't know if you should make another go of it...

On top of it all, you're all depressed and everything, and think about killing yourself.

Is that the story in a nutshell?

Knock it off with all the 3rd person talk and the "let says" and tell the tale so someone can understand you for pete's sake.

lol well it's a tough story to tell even from the first person, in fact it's one i can barely even understand myself. I guess it all started about 6 years ago when i first fell in love, i was young in highschool and lived my life with a boner, my view of the world and women in the world just wasn't correct. A friend of mine from school introduced me to a girl he pretty much considered his sister, told her i wanted to meet her and told me she wanted to meet me when really we knew nothing of eachother. We hit it off right away and began to spend every day together, she lived alone in a house all to herself, her mom lived with a boyfriend and her dad had left long ago, her brother was liveing with the dad. So we had the house all to ourselves and barely spent a day apart, i would go home so late every night that i would almost fall asleep driveing back to my house, in fact i litteraly got to know the drive so well that i could not look at the road almost the whole way (not bullshitting either). So over the months she moved around back with her dad to a few places and i went with, we almost never fought, probably the only time was when she would make a joke about something that would hurt my feelings, i had my downfalls but she would keep them to herself, of course i had a boner and i was playfull, i was always jokeing with her about haveing sex. As time went on i started to think about college and what that might hold and started to put distance between us, perhaps there were other reasons perhaps not, it's been so long. I believe it would have been our 6 year anniversary this October 6th. So after a year we went our seperate ways and in this time i experienced alot of hurt and pain, i found women that i loved and all were just simply friends, some became intimate for a little some didn't but none of them were the girl i could hold on the couch. About 4 years ago i found out that along with other complications my physical appearance would be diminishing and no one knew how bad it would get or if it would ever stop. From this day on i began my spiral, it drasticaly effected every aspect of my life, now that i think back i can see the change in me, it started with a year of sitting at a friends house getting high with my mind buisy of nothing hateing everyone around me. I finaly went off to college for a year but my experience was less then positive as any interaction i had was deeply effected by the fact i couldn't go an hour without going to the bathroom mirror and looking at what had started to happen. The foundation of yourself that you see every day isn't solid. So I went back home and spent the next two years in seclusion trying to fend off anything in the world that required me to do anything, all worldly concerns gone. Then out of no where one day i find myself face to face with a beautifull curiosity, i meet a girl online who somehow convinces me to talk to her on a webcam. She tells me that how i look doesn't matter and that she loves me, i fall head over heels in love with someone i've never met. She keeps telling me i'll come out there in two weeks two weeks, ok two weeks pass and she isn't here, playing hard to get i see looking for the romance, so i go for her and something goes wrong at the airport, either i walk past her or she never showed, i go to the kinkos and talk to her and she keeps saying it's a missunderstanding. Well like an idiot i still think she's playing hard to get and i ask her to marry me, she still doesn't show so i take a long bus ride home. I get home and still can't let go of her, she keeps saying it's a missunderstanding and i keep going with my dreams until after a while i have to let them go. Through this entire ordeal i have to return into the world before and after my trip and let me tell you i have a laundry list of things, each of which by it's self could send me to the nut house. But I keep positive and keep getting up after i fall down, it isn't easy but i won't give up. Now for the part thats hard to explain so i won't, i've come to find another out of this situation who has shown interest in me, she truly is beauty. I've never met her before but i know that the pitfalls from my previous encounter just don't exist, don't ask me how it's just something i know. The problem now is that i'm very unstable from my previous years and recent trip, my home is broken and i have medical issues, i just don't know if a relationship is something i can hold up, i don't know where my problems lay in this room and i don't know which problems lay with me and i don't know what needs to be done before i could try a relationship with anyone let alone someone that is beyond out of my league, playing a different sport in fact. So i'm really uncertain what to do about all this, there really isn't much i can do except sit in my room and wonder.

Okay..I have been reading what you have been saying and although as the previous person stated that you are hard to understand through your writing, I am going to give a stab at it!
Okay, you were young and fell in love with a young woman and didn't take it seriously and moved on to drugs, college, and a crappy life? Now you have regrets you didn't look more seriously at this first relationship, right? And now you have health issues, physical (looks?) issues, and from the sounds of it mental (maybe depression) issues because of this lifestyle. What was your immediate family like? Were they more stable than this first girlfriend's family? Or about the same? How old are you now?
Now as far as getting back what you had, I wouldn't count on it, nor would I ever count on an internet relationship! I am not saying an internet relationship couldn't happen, but don't get your hopes up until you have solid concrete existence of this person and don't let your guard down either because you have to protect Number 1 (YOU)! It is not worth the hurt! And you also have to learn to be happy with yourself and your life before you can truly involve another person to have a relationship with! Be Your Own Best Friend first!! Love yourself, respect yourself, take care of yourself, set and realize your goals, and get your life in order then work on a relationship! Then....I believe...you will be ready for a relationship with someone and it will happen naturally before you know it!
Seek out other ways to meet people. Go to church, join clubs (things that interest you like hobbies), volunteer, and all other kinds of ways. I am not super religious or anything, but it doesn't hurt to pray to god while you are at it. Give yourself time and don't take life so seriously like you are in some big kind of hurry for love!! Stop and smell the roses by yourself first! Do things to help people..it makes a soul feel good! Get that positive energy flowing..it will show to other people!
Well that is how I live my life for the most part. I am 43 and on my second divorce, but I do stay optimistic no matter what the circumstances and life generally always gets better even if you are down! Just keep thinking positive!

I don't think getting back with your "old loves" is a good idea, for many reasons.

1) There's a reason you aren't still with that person. I don't know what that reason is, but there is a reason.

2) Even if you were torn apart, and especially if you were torn apart at a young age by going off to college or something like that, then chances are you have both changed a lot and if you were right for each other then you are now different and probably not right for each other anymore.

3) Over time while you are separated from a person you once loved, your mind will downplay all the negatives and embellish all the positive aspects...and you may find it easy to convince yourself that this person is much better for you than they actually are.

4) After trying this with several women I've learned my lesson about getting back together with ex's...they become ex's once again!! But, if you are depressed and just want some play, maybe that doesn't matter to you.

Thanks for the advice, it's helped alot. I've been desperate for some love in my life but that isn't the only thing. I've found myself in a life situation where everything is against me, even though some things have been bad enough to make the rest look alot worse. When I had the chance of a lifetime to just leave it all I jumped at it without thinking what I need to do first. I've been working on some things you mentioned as a means to self improvement and I am trying to be number one.

For my old love and/or my new love. I let go of the new love because I didn't see myself as capable of supporting someone. My old love, well I'm still not a full person but i'm slowly working towards it. Thinking that we could/should try for a relationship again is probably a bad idea. Now that I'm rebuilding my life I would like to get in contact with her and try make her a part in my new life, as a friend. If nothing else catch up.

I have alot which needs to be done on my own but i'm working at it one day at a time. Thanks for the advice it's really helped