How do you finally find closure and mend a shattered heart?

Please don't take this the wrong way, because I believe you are posting sincerely.

You are too old to believe in fairy tales.
You are wasting your life pining away over someone who doesn't want to be with you. (And from the sounds of it; that's a good thing. He doesn't seem to be the kind of person who is a good life mate!)

It sounds like you never really knew this man. You 'fell in love' with the idea of a man you wanted in your head. But he doesn't exist - at least he isn't that guy. Falling in love and Love are two completely different things.

You're worth more than this. Let it go, move on, and enjoy the life you have with your child.

Take care

You've got to let go. That's how you find closure and mend a shattered heart. By letting go of the FANTASY that this is the man for you. Apparently he isn't. You're an adult with a kid. Act like an adult and not some little girl believing in fairy tales about prince's coming to rescue you on horseback.

"How To Survive the Loss of a Love". Buy this book, read it and move on. Five years is a ridiculously long time to waste.

Flushd is right. "True love" isn't like the books and to believe that you could only be happy with one person is a delusion. Falling in love is a chemical reaction. Staying in love is a completely other thing. You could fall in love with someone else if you'd let yourself. You need to let go and give this relationship the status it deserves: over.

Flushd is right. "True love" isn't like the books and to believe that you could only be happy with one person is a delusion. Falling in love is a chemical reaction. It's what keeps us around long enough to procreate. You could fall in love with someone else if you'd let yourself. You need to let go and give this relationship the status it deserves: over.

I am a strong believer in fate.. everything that happens, happens for a reason.... so in my eyes you met this man for a reason... to teach you something in life...

The last thing you want to do is waste your life worrying about something that "could have been".. if it was gonna happen or it is gonna happen then it will.. don't worry about it.. worrying isn't going to make it happen any faster...

Take life in each day at a time and enjoy it while you have it... spend time with your son, make happy memories that you can look back upon and smile at...

But don't spend your time thinking about the past... the past is the past, you can't change i, you can't erase it

Only you can give yourself closure... only you can mend your heart.. you just have to want it bad enough.... stop living life stuck still in a dream, wake yourself up and find what truely makes you happy

I stopped seeing her, calling her, writing her, trying to be friends. Period.

Oh please Gargamel, they never would have accepted
you at the military.

Hey, don't ask, don't tell.

Re: How do you finally find closure and mend a shattered hea


You were fooling yourself.



It might have been a "wonderful family day" for you--but it wasn't for him. You weren't in touch with reality. He didn't like the disrespectful way that you talked to him. You were so immersed in yourself and your fantasy that he might as well not have even had been there that day because you don't even remember treating him badly. If he--the PERSON rather than the fantasy--was truly important to you, you would have noticed when you hurt his feelings with your disrespectful words.

It is not your destiny, ordained by God, to be with a man who doesn't want to be with you because you don't even notice or realize when you're hurting his feelings.

Maybe it was your destiny to LEARN A LESSON: Don't be so full of yourself with your head in the clouds thinking everything is WONDERFUL (for you) when things are NOT WONDERFUL for the real flesh and blood people you're spending time with and who don't want to be told to "shut up."




If you were truly meant to be together, then it would have worked. However, the two of you were incompatible as evidenced by his desire to get you on the first plane home as fast as possible. He didn't want to spend any more time with you. The way to move on is to be honest with yourself and face reality. Someone who runs as fast as he can in the opposite direction of you is NOT the true or greatest love of your life.

It is the fantasy of him that you are still "in love" with.

I think you fell hard for him but don't think you truly knew him well. An on/off long-distance relationship needs to be extended to a much closer relationship before marriage is considered - especially to see if you can stand his little foibles and annoying habits and he yours. When the rose-colored glasses come off and people get used to being around each other day in and day out, feelings can change.

I feel I was in a similar situation when I was much younger. I fell madly in love with a man. He showed interest in me and pursued me (I was young and shy back then). After dating me for six months but keeping me at arms length - he never invited me to his house and I never questioned it because I was in love and wanted to be 'cool' didn't want to scare him off. I knew he wasn't married. I knew his friends. I let him set the pace of the relationship. I would have killed for him (really!) Anyway I was shocked to discover, after 6 months, that he had gotten engaged to a woman he had been seeing for years. She lived with him. She had no idea about me and I did not know of her. I confronted him (and later his friends) to find out why he hurt me like that and with no decent response cut off all communication.

I learned from the experience and I know I should despise him for being an unfaithful ass but I still have this wonderful picture of the short beautiful time we spent together and know that I have not met a man that I even came close to feeling that in love with since him. I would never dream of looking for him again. I learned my lesson with him and know that if I ever did get back with him again (let's say he divorced his wife and was single again) I am sure I would soon find that my idea of him is like putting the best things about him on a pedestal but the reality of him is that I would probably want to smash his brains in when he farts or doesn't shave.

You can't go back and re-create what was before. I suggest you move on without him. Stop fantasising (like I have done) and put yourself out there to meet a new and different man, if you are looking for a relationship.

Most of us have had a broken heart. I stayed with a man for almost six years because of the 'potential' our relationship had. Not what it WAS but what it COULD be if only he'd act right. It's such a waste. Don't continue to waste your life pining over a man who has probably long forgotten about you.

It was very unfair for him to draw you into a false sense of future hopes and dreams, especially by intoducing you to his parents, but obviously he had decided you were not 'the' one for him, if he was man enough he should have laid all the cards out on the table and explained to you why he felt that he could not continue this path with you.

I could only but try to imagine how you must feel, I think you need to just focus all your energy into your son, and oneday this man will just be gone in your head....it just takes time.

best advice:
go out and buy yourself a copy of "He's just NOT that into you". I just went through a breakup (I was with him 3 years) and I picked up a copy of this book the other day- I read it in one evening. I highly recommend it to every woman! I will never again settle for something that is even slightly less than I deserve!

Good luck to you

~Jen

Ai yi yi, so let's see if I've got this straight -

* You had a long-distance deal going on, so you didn't actually see each other much, and probably just on best behavior. During that time, I'm sure, you felt you could avoid the singles scene and thereby you didn't try with anyone close by, anyone who was actually oh, I dunno, attainable.
* You were a young single mother and those situations can be difficult, lonely and hard to manage financially. Being treated with a sense of interest in you - any interest from an adult male - was a grand thing that you enjoyed.
* You visited. You met his folks. You had one - one! - nice day together.
* He got you on an earlier plane without consulting you about the plans you might have wanted to make. He took control of the situation and you, a grown-up, let him.
* He told you the flimsiest of excuses, that you had told him to "shut up" twice and that was that. Sheesh, you had been in communications for a while, and that was the end of it all? Silly, it's childish.

And now you want this prize package back???

This is not going to be a nice thing I'm going to say. I'm sorry, in advance, but you need the truth.
* He's an idiot, a jerk and a lot of other not so nice names that will be bleeped by the vulgarity filter.
* You do not have to put up with that kind of crap.
* Someone who took the initiative to change your flight without telling you is potentially the same kind of person who would hang up on your friends, forbid you to see your family and enroll your kid in a faraway school without your knowledge or consent.
* You are a grown-up and do not deserve nor need to be treated like a child.
* Setting yourself up for being treated like a child, such as by letting him (or someone like him) do whatever is foolish. If you do not care enough for yourself to take independent responsibility for your existence, at least have the backbone to take responsibility for yourself for the sake of your child. Being clinging and dependent and childish does not help your child.
* You have not moved on. You have not made friends or looked for love. Instead, you have pined and locked yourself away, a damsel in distress in a castle with a freakin' moat. The prince ain't comin'. Sorry, but that's true.
* And he ain't comin' because you are locked away. To find love, you need to get out and be noticed, give of yourself and not wrap yourself in meaningless fantasies. You need to let go of past foolishnesses and embrace the present and welcome the future. And you just might find that some other guy is a prince. Or that maybe there are no princes. I don't know, but it's also a sure bet that you don't, since you haven't bothered to leave the dang tower.
* You have wasted, what, five? six? years of your and your child's life. Sad to say, those years are gone and are never, ever returning. You are older. And older means grey hairs and crow's feet, and perhaps some entrenched attitudes. It can get harder and harder to find someone. You cannot simply toss yourself together in five minutes and go. Prep is harder and takes longer, the older you get.
* So you have squandered time.

Don't squander any more. He's a waste of space. Let this garbage go, just like you toss out the old yogurt cups and yesterday's newspapers.

Embrace the present. Welcome the future.

PS I have no doubt that this poster is gone, but hey, maybe someone will read that in the future. Helfino.