Panicking after first date.. need advice..

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I'm 23/gay female... I've never been in a relationship before although I've been out since I was 19 or so. Unfortunately I am rarely attracted to or interested in anyone and usually the few I am are straight... I've been on a few dates over the past year and I haven't been interested in any of the girls I met (all online) - and never went past the first date.

Then, last Wednesday, I met a girl at a twentysomething group for lesbians in nyc and was instantly attracted! I ended up getting her phone # that evening and asked her out... she even hugged me goodbye even though we only really chatted for like 5 minutes walking back to the subway. I was on cloud 9, unbelievably excited that I met someone I could really be interested in and attracted to.

I called her Friday afternoon, we spoke on the phone and it was good -- and we set up a date. We met at a really nice restaurant Sunday for brunch... She gave me such a warm hug hello and the date went so well I thought.. .we had so much to talk about and barely even scratched the surface of potential things to talk about.. I knew right away I really wanted to kiss her by the end of the day and even fantasized a walk in Riverside Park where I could try...

We sat and talked/ate for about an hour and a half, there was never any boredom. Toward the end, I went to the bathroom and when i returned i saw SHE HAD PAID! Which I thought was adorable and a good sign! LOL. When we were finished, i asked if she had to run home and she said she had to get her roommate who was very sick with appendicitis some food etc.. (she mentioned her roommate was in the hospital when i spoke to her the day before). I was very disappointed, but walked her to the subway where I got hug #3 and she said "I had fun...give me a call." (I couldn't kiss her goodbye because we were on a crowded NYC street in the middle of the afternoon standing by a subway entrance-- it just wasnt the right time or place.)

I was SO EXCITED after the date but very soon I started panicking. Was she as interested in me as I am in her? Does she like me romantically? Is she attracted to me? I've been obsessing over it ever since. I called her Tuesday morning at 11AM and she never called me back. She did giveme her AOL Instant Messanger name the night we first met so I IMed her Wednesday late afternoon..... she wrote:

"omg...i am so sorry...I literally just got home from work and got your message and this instant message...i actually have plans tonight for my friends birthday...sorry i could not get back to you sooner"

When I asked if she wanted to do something this weekend she wrote:
"yeah, once i find out my hours because i work everyday...but yeah"

I've been a complete and total nervous wreck ever since the date -- so terrified that the one person I am interested in will be a 1 date thing, never to be seen again.

I guess my question is -- should I call her again tomorrow afternoon about getting together this weekend? Should i wait for her to call me? I don't want to come off as a stalker lol , but i do feel that way. I am completely infatuated with her and scared to death I may lose this 1 opportunity to be happy.

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Mp--

Welcome to A2K.

Your new friend sounds like a busy woman. Give her a call tomorrow about the weekend--then let her make the next contact.

There is no earthly point in me telling you to relax, because you won't relax. You're in new, exciting and somewhat frightening territory.

I will tell you to practice laughing at yourself every so often--and you are welcome to ignore that advice.

Good luck.

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I wouldn't call her tomorrow, you'll come off as desperate. I'd wait until after the weekend.

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ooooooh, this is SO romantic.....

From what you've said, it really doesn't sound like she's blowing you off.

I mean, she was the one to say give me a call.
She's also giving very valid reasons why she just got your message and why she can't commit just yet for the weekend (work)

I'd make a casual call to ask "did you get your work schedule for the weekend yet"? I wouldn't call until Friday though.

If she is working, so as not to feel like a stalker, I'd let her know I'd really like to get together again soon, but don't want to keep bothering you, so please call me when you know you're free.

You've expressed your nervousness in a nice way, but definately say you really had fun/enjoyed the company.

DON'T just drop this thread.

I'm dying to find out how it goes!!!!

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It's now Saturday late afternoon and I still haven't called her... even though I can't stop thinking about her. I'm worried that I will get voice mail again and be left in the dark, which is more nerve wracking than anything. To be "waiting for her to call back."

I spoke to a few friends about it, and they said if she doesn't call me with her work schedule then maybe she isn't interested after all.

I just think this entire ordeal is so depressing... the fact that the 1 person I've gone out with in the past year who I am actually interested in, isn't "playing the game" (so to speak.) Frankly, it just plain sucks. I'm so frightened that I won't find anyone else I am this attracted to let alone have them be interested in me back.

I'm torn between making an ass of myself and keep pressing the issue (ie: calling perhaps tomorrow late afternoon) -- or -- just forget about it and take the hint that if she were really interested in talking to me, she'd pick up her phone and dial.......

Sad

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You've got to learn to accept these things. How many people out there are you really compatible with? Not many, so a lot of people you may be attracted to aren't going to feel the same way, and vice-versa.

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Call or don't call, but stop dithering.

You can't control her actions, but you can call your own shots.

Good luck.

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Yeah, dating can be a brutal experience. :wink:

Try not to torture yourself over it. Deep breaths, Relax Razz

There's a catch-22 when we want something very badly: we tend to hold on tighter and end up screwing ourselves out of things.

Hang in there.

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update: I called late Sunday night at 9:30PM and left a casual message letting her know I had a fun time last week and was interested in going out again... if she never calls back I guess I will forever wonder why she led me on in the first place....

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Don't wonder why she led you on. It just happens. I've gone out with a lot of women I've hooked up with but knew I didn't want a relationship with...then just stopped calling. It's part of dating, you don't owe people an explanation after a few dates.

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You've done everything right so far mp4. She'll either call you back or she won't. Waiting is hard, try not to wait by the phone. Keep living life. If this relationship doesn't work out, another one will.

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Panicking after first date.. need advice..

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