Death Diary - Endymion

...
dude...get well soon
*lots of hugs*...
then maybe you can also write something about your sickness!!!
-love
lns

Hey cheers lns - everything's cool
Thanks for the post

I'll be back here soon

peace,
Endy

I worry
That soon
I won't be able to talk to anyone
Outside of my poetry
That one day I will look around
And realise that I haven't spoken
A single word in two years

My teeth ache
With the pressure
Of silence

Untitled



So it came
Of course it did
In the end
I knew it would
The final straw
The news that broke me
The latest death that stopped and choked me
It was night outside
The streets were quiet
The motorway close by
My neighbours slept
Behind walls of numbness
As I got into my car
And started the engine

Taking it
Sorrow
For a crazy ride
Drove through town
Following the signs
Then sped unto the fast lane
Deserted and primed
I knew they'd lied
The bullet remained
In the rawness of my brain
Buried deep
Like a monster
On a cold crooked game
Throwing old bone dice
Towards a blank concrete wall
At a hundred miles an hour
No pain at all




Endymion 2006

Frankenstein
*************


In the end I wake
Into a peaceful dream
A woman's calm voice
Whispering love
Over me
As I open my eyes
To a low distant sun
Half fallen and vague
Beyond the fearful rain
Beyond the closed window
Of my searching brain

They have scarred me again
Cut deep into my flesh
With their protocol
And their easy answers
Measuring out my life
With the point of a sharp knife

A man sits quietly by
I see the discreet cross
I watch his pale blue eyes
I am their Frankenstein

"How are you?" He asks me
Of course I cannot speak
My throat is dry and sore
And I have been dead
A week or more
I question him with my eyes

"Just thought I'd drop by…"
He smiles and nods

He doesn't know
… There are no gods





Endymion 2006

What is happening in Palestine is a complete atrocity.
I've been trying to write about it, but words are inadequate.
I can't begin to describe how I feel, especially after going on the solidarity marches.

I have great respect for the Palestinian people, who have been struggling generation after generation to find some peace in a world that must seem so against them, or to have at least abandoned them to their fate.

http://www.dci-pal.org/english/publ/posters/pg008.jpg


Maybe instead of writing about my own childhood trauma - I should continue to research and write about those children who need help NOW.
It doesn't matter to me who those children are, or who their enemy is.
I want to try and do something to help, even if it's something seen only here in this one small corner.

I'll write about individuals - as I did the Anne Frank poem (although I know I didn't do Anne justice and will try writing another soon).

For a people to be under the constant trauma of war (a life time of war for some) and for it to be allowed to continue in this day and age is disgraceful.

Palestinian children from a young age are inflicted with the stigma of being 'unwanted' - even unrecognised as people with rights.
Golda Meir said: "There is no such thing as a Palestinian people."
How does a child come to terms with a world that seems to agree with her?

*****************************************************

If ever any Palestinian reads this - please don't be offended by my clumsy, Englishman's attempts to understand a small part of what your children are suffering. I just can't ignore what is happening - and I want to share my thoughts here on the death thread. After all, death is no stranger to your people.

If you are Israeli and/or Jewish, please take a look here:
http://israelonline.ifrance.com/human_wrongs.htm
http://israelonline.ifrance.com/human_wrongs.htm
I have been reading and researching the lives of Palestinians and much of my information comes from Jewish sites such as the one above.

It is my sincere belief that one day there will be peace for mankind.
Getting there will take great courage.
http://www.claybennett.com/images/archivetoons/road_map_to_peace.jpg

Peace,
Endy


***********************************************************
I found this quote on a Jewish site (http above)

"Palestine belongs to the Arabs in the same sense that England belongs to the English or France to the French...What is going on in Palestine today cannot be justified by any moral code of conduct...If they [the Jews] must look to the Palestine of geography as their national home, it is wrong to enter it under the shadow of the British gun. A religious act cannot be performed with the aid of the bayonet or the bomb. They can settle in Palestine only by the goodwill of the Arabs... As it is, they are co-sharers with the British in despoiling a people who have done no wrong to them. I am not defending the Arab excesses. I wish they had chosen the way of non-violence in resisting what they rightly regard as an unacceptable encroachment upon their country. But according to the accepted canons of right and wrong, nothing can be said against the Arab resistance in the face of overwhelming odds." Mahatma Gandhi

************************************************************


A Youth Steps Out


Do you see me?
I am Faris Odeh
That day
My people were in the street
Driven by anger and frustration
Vocal demonstration
When this mighty tank
This unstoppable machine of death
Came rumbling without pause
Marching to disperse and dispense
Thundering in
Spraying bullets into the gathering
Fourteen people fell down injured
Before the frightened retreat
Turning away they ran from the beast
And I saw their fearful faces
Then I went out beyond them
Overtaken by a desire
Unable to stop the rush
The need to speak a terrible truth
I ran
And I charged the gladiator



You know the story

This Israeli tank
Was my Goliath
This fierce destructor
A giant in plated armour
My enemy looking down on me
Fist raised in warning
And I a different kind of David
No sling to send a stone
I stood before him
My foe from a future world
With bullets and bombs
To blast the limbs from my body
Do you see me?
I am Palestinian
I am Faris Odeh
When they've killed me
When I'm gone
Let me live on
My fist in the air
Fighting for freedom





Endymion 2006




Note: Sentence for throwing stones at a stationary object
- up to 10 years imprisonment
Sentence for throwing stones at a moving object
- up to 20 years imprisonment

Any child arrested for such is tried by a military court

The boy and the tank picture shows an Israeli tank which marched towards a Palestinian street to crush a demonstration by the Palestinians. It sprayed the demonstrators with bullets resulting in 14 serious injuries. Then Faris Odeh (13) charged against it.
Faris survived the encounter - but was sadly killed in a later (unrelated) incident.

Forget the politics for a moment

Today I can only think of my own country. This is personal.

In Memory of the fallen
From WWI
To Iraq

British lads who've given up their lives, their limbs and sometimes their minds - for Queen and Country

Common Form (1918)

If any question why we died.
Tell them, because our fathers lied.

Rudyard Kipling

More than one million men and women from Britain and the Commonwealth died in World War I between 1914 and 1918.

Nearly 500,000 died in World War II from 1939 to 1945.

Remembrance Sunday Special: Remember the war of
words
Independent UK


In Iraq, troops fight on as those who sent them beat an ignoble retreat
Published: 12 November 2006

Then (September 2002)
What I believe the assessed intelligence has established beyond doubt is that Saddam has continued to produce chemical and biological weapons.

Now (July 2004)

I have to accept that we have not found them and we may not find them. He [Saddam] may have removed or hidden or even destroyed those weapons.
Tony Blair, BRITISH PM

Then (May 2003)
Major combat operations in Iraq have ended ... the United States and our allies have prevailed. And Now our coalition is engaged in securing and reconstructing that country.

Now (October 2006)
We cannot allow our dissatisfaction to turn into disillusionment about our purpose in this war.
George Bush US PRESIDENT

Then (March 2003)
We go to liberate, not to conquer. We will not fly our flags in their country. We are entering Iraq to free a people ... show respect for them.

Now (October 2006)
Three years into the occupation, with no real improvement, it is time to admit failure ... British failure in Iraq may be seen by history as "ill-conceived and without enough effort".
Col Tim Collins FORMER BATTLE GROUP LEADER

Then (July 2002)
Support for Saddam including within his military will collapse at the first whiff of gunpowder. It isn't going to be over in 24 hours, but it isn't going to be months either.

Now (November 2006)
If I had ... seen where we are today ... I probably would have said, "Let's consider strategies for dealing with the thing that concerns us most, Saddam supplying WMD to terrorists".
Richard Perle LEADING AMERICAN NEOCON

Then (March 2003)
It will mean enforcement of the will of the UN ... to make the world a better place for the removal of Saddam Hussein and ... make the world better for the Iraqis he oppresses.

Now (November 2006)
The thing was a disaster from the moment we invaded ... we need to understand why, why, why we were so mad as to attack without working out the consequences.
Boris Johnson MP AND EX-EDITOR, 'SPECTATOR'

Then (March 2003)
Iraqi lives saved by this military action will far exceed the number who, sadly, will be killed. It is a terrible calculation ... but one you have to make if there is to be a proper justification for military action.

Now (September 2006)
The current situation is dire. I think many mistakes were made after the military action - there is no question about it - by the US administration.
Jack Straw EX-FOREIGN SECRETARY

Then (August 2004)
Mr Blair has 18 months to show that Iraq is a success. If Iraq in 2006 looks very little better than under Saddam, Then the whole thing was a waste of lives, money and effort.

Now (October 2006)
There are only bad options for the coalition from Now on ... I never thought we would have produced the kind of mess in the post-invasion phase that has Now transpired.
Sir Jeremy Greenstock EX-AMBASSADOR TO UN

Then (March 2003)
From the standpoint of the Iraqi people, my belief is that we will, in fact, be greeted as liberators.

Now (October 2006)
It's been a little over three years Now since we went into Iraq, so I don't think it's surprising that people are concerned ... It's still very, very difficult, very tough.
Dick Cheney VICE-PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES

Then (March 2003)
There is no doubt that the regime ... has weapons of mass destruction ... those weapons will be identified, found, along with the people who have produced them and who guard them.

Now (December 2005)
No one was more surprised than I that we didn't find them. I suspect that the President of the United States probably had the same reaction that I did.
Gen Tommy Franks IRAQ INVASION COMMANDER

Then (March 2003)
Tony Blair has taken a brave decision, that the only hope of influencing American behaviour is to share in American actions.

Now (November 2006)
President Bush's achievement has been to convert an almost impregnable American position in the world after 9/11 into a grievously damaged one today.
Max Hastings HISTORIAN AND COLUMNIST

Then (January 2003)
Weapons of mass destruction have been a central pillar of Saddam's dictatorship since the 1980s. Iraq was found guilty 12 years ago. Yet they lied and lied again.

Now (January 2005)
Following the conclusions of the comprehensive report ... the Iraq Survey Group is no longer conducting an active programme of field investigations into weapons of mass destruction..
Geoff Hoon FORMER DEFENCE SECRETARY

Then (December 2002)
The goal is disarmament - the elimination of Iraq's [weapons] programmes... Disarming Saddam and fighting the war on terror are not merely related: the first is part of the second.

Now (June 2003)
The truth is that for reasons that have a lot to do with the US government bureaucracy, we settled on the one issue that everyone could agree on, which was WMD as the core reason.
Paul Wolfowitz EX-DEPUTY US DEFENCE SECRETARY

Then (August 2002)
I will be blunt: demolishing Saddam's power and liberating Iraq militarily would be a cakewalk.

Now (October 2006)
What I would have said: that Bush's arguments are right, but ... you have to put them in the drawer marked "can't do" ... that's very different from "let's go" ... We're losing in Iraq.
Kenneth Adelman LEADING US HAWK

Then (September 2002)
What I believe the assessed intelligence has established beyond doubt is that Saddam has continued to produce chemical and biological weapons.

Now (July 2004)

I have to accept that we have not found them and we may not find them. He [Saddam] may have removed or hidden or even destroyed those weapons.
Tony Blair, BRITISH PM

Then (May 2003)
Major combat operations in Iraq have ended ... the United States and our allies have prevailed. And Now our coalition is engaged in securing and reconstructing that country.

Now (October 2006)
We cannot allow our dissatisfaction to turn into disillusionment about our purpose in this war.
George Bush US PRESIDENT

Then (March 2003)
We go to liberate, not to conquer. We will not fly our flags in their country. We are entering Iraq to free a people ... show respect for them.

Now (October 2006)
Three years into the occupation, with no real improvement, it is time to admit failure ... British failure in Iraq may be seen by history as "ill-conceived and without enough effort".
Col Tim Collins FORMER BATTLE GROUP LEADER

Then (July 2002)
Support for Saddam including within his military will collapse at the first whiff of gunpowder. It isn't going to be over in 24 hours, but it isn't going to be months either.

Now (November 2006)
If I had ... seen where we are today ... I probably would have said, "Let's consider strategies for dealing with the thing that concerns us most, Saddam supplying WMD to terrorists".
Richard Perle LEADING AMERICAN NEOCON

Then (March 2003)
It will mean enforcement of the will of the UN ... to make the world a better place for the removal of Saddam Hussein and ... make the world better for the Iraqis he oppresses.

Now (November 2006)
The thing was a disaster from the moment we invaded ... we need to understand why, why, why we were so mad as to attack without working out the consequences.
Boris Johnson MP AND EX-EDITOR, 'SPECTATOR'

Then (March 2003)
Iraqi lives saved by this military action will far exceed the number who, sadly, will be killed. It is a terrible calculation ... but one you have to make if there is to be a proper justification for military action.

Now (September 2006)
The current situation is dire. I think many mistakes were made after the military action - there is no question about it - by the US administration.
Jack Straw EX-FOREIGN SECRETARY

Then (August 2004)
Mr Blair has 18 months to show that Iraq is a success. If Iraq in 2006 looks very little better than under Saddam, Then the whole thing was a waste of lives, money and effort.

Now (October 2006)
There are only bad options for the coalition from Now on ... I never thought we would have produced the kind of mess in the post-invasion phase that has Now transpired.
Sir Jeremy Greenstock EX-AMBASSADOR TO UN

Then (March 2003)
From the standpoint of the Iraqi people, my belief is that we will, in fact, be greeted as liberators.

Now (October 2006)
It's been a little over three years Now since we went into Iraq, so I don't think it's surprising that people are concerned ... It's still very, very difficult, very tough.
Dick Cheney VICE-PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES

Then (March 2003)
There is no doubt that the regime ... has weapons of mass destruction ... those weapons will be identified, found, along with the people who have produced them and who guard them.

Now (December 2005)
No one was more surprised than I that we didn't find them. I suspect that the President of the United States probably had the same reaction that I did.
Gen Tommy Franks IRAQ INVASION COMMANDER

Then (March 2003)
Tony Blair has taken a brave decision, that the only hope of influencing American behaviour is to share in American actions.

Now (November 2006)
President Bush's achievement has been to convert an almost impregnable American position in the world after 9/11 into a grievously damaged one today.
Max Hastings HISTORIAN AND COLUMNIST

Then (January 2003)
Weapons of mass destruction have been a central pillar of Saddam's dictatorship since the 1980s. Iraq was found guilty 12 years ago. Yet they lied and lied again.

Now (January 2005)
Following the conclusions of the comprehensive report ... the Iraq Survey Group is no longer conducting an active programme of field investigations into weapons of mass destruction..
Geoff Hoon FORMER DEFENCE SECRETARY

Then (December 2002)
The goal is disarmament - the elimination of Iraq's [weapons] programmes... Disarming Saddam and fighting the war on terror are not merely related: the first is part of the second.

Now (June 2003)
The truth is that for reasons that have a lot to do with the US government bureaucracy, we settled on the one issue that everyone could agree on, which was WMD as the core reason.
Paul Wolfowitz EX-DEPUTY US DEFENCE SECRETARY

Then (August 2002)
I will be blunt: demolishing Saddam's power and liberating Iraq militarily would be a cakewalk.

Now (October 2006)
What I would have said: that Bush's arguments are right, but ... you have to put them in the drawer marked "can't do" ... that's very different from "let's go" ... We're losing in Iraq.
Kenneth Adelman LEADING US HAWK

Too much death

http://www.michaelmoore.com/words/latestnews/index.php?id=8340

As We Stand Back



What terrible thing has been done?
And by our hand
The spread of torture
Growing outward
From our great example
As we stand back
To watch the results
Of our cruel advancement

We marched on through their lives
Burning to ashes any who came near us
The streets of death silenced
By our easy might
We degraded and demeaned
Murdered and maimed
Now this is the terror zone
This city another Warsaw

Every brave defender
Every lunatic avenger
Every traumatised youth
Every soldier
Every lone soul hiding in the dark
All feel the magnitude of this atrocity
Where once music played
From the doorways of coffee houses

Now the streets are a drill in the head
Ordinary men are tattooing themselves
With contact numbers
Hoping this will save them from a mass grave
All is death around them
What can we do?
We have created a self-destructing monster
Of innocence



Endymion 2006

Keep it up, endy.

Very sad.



Hello there, Endy.
How's it going for you?

Endy, did you ever read any of Vera Britten's accounts of that time? (Testament of Youth & others) She was a young woman then & writes hauntingly about how the war dramatically altered her own life & the lives of so of the many young men she knew. Brothers, friends of her brothers, so many young men. She seemed always to be visiting a friend of her brother's, a cousin, someone she'd known, in hospitals. Of course these young men (& the young women, too) would never recover from the horror of it all. That is, if they survived at all. What if they were the best minds of their generation? Gone, just like that. I couldn't finish reading Testament of Youth. It just made me too sad & too distraught. The futility of it all ....

Olga, I haven't read any of her work, I'm sorry to say
Thanks for telling me about it - I'll look out for it

Thanks for posting
Edgar too

sorry to see the image of the old (Palestinian) guy has gone.
hell of a photograph
I've noticed that other middle-eastern images have disappeared off this thread.
Shame that. (for whatever reason)


***********************************

I've got some more to say about death
But it's one in the morning
And i'm not at my best
So don't hold your eager breath

(its a joke, right?)


A toast: To those I miss the most

Winter House of the Dead


Tonight the house stands empty
And I its ghost
A dead man cannot sleep
But sail the tide of night
Headless and enraged
Stumbling from room to room
As lonely as the empty English fields
When the swallows have flown

Once, a woman loved me
Her smile my fortune
Together we fled
From strange childhood horrors
To this house
Where, for a brief time
We laughed
As we found the courage to dream

When I travelled far away
She wrote to me
Constantly "Keep safe"
Every day her letters composed
In this very room
This seat here by the window
Where we'd swum often
In love and scared desire

Soon I was broken up by death
Only to be told
Death was to steal another
I couldn't take it I needed her
My mind was undone
But carrying my heart
She vanished with the sun

Tonight the sleepwalk killer
Hears her in every room
Cutting the blade
Deeper into the soul
Scars to hide scars
In this dark hell-house
And although the swallows may return
Her sun will know no dawn



Endymion 2006



**************************************



Cutting up the Burden


1

Blood on the mirror
Spotted white porcelain
Under harsh light
Stare into the eyes of a killer
It's another bad dream
Another crazy knife fight
Samson between the pillars
Bringing down the night


2

So cold
This Celtic grave
This voluntary exile
Isolated brain
Spin the Russian wheel
Or swallow
The final bitter pill
In the end it's all the same
I cut to deal


3

Pain
I could bleed you
From my leaking heart
Rivers run on skin
From burning veins
Of my existence
Shall we begin?
Here is the blade
To make the mark
I am mortified
I must be punished
For my part



Endymion 2006

I just read Winter House, Endy.
I would like to say this better, but it's hard to know how to. I'm sincerely sorry for your loss & for the pain it has brought you.

Loved her writings!