Death Diary - Endymion

Love the ending(+ starting) note....

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All of your work is just too tempting to pass...(let alone ignore)

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*peace*

With love
Naima

ps. with you all the way :wink:

back on the death diary - talking to ghosts

they've been a pleasure... tell them I said Hi....

naima i'm no one you want too talk to tonight

****


I had all these good intentions
Said I'd get my self together
Days too hard to mention
It goes on and on forever
Joke is - I thought that I was strong
Had to prove something to someone
But oh, I know now I was wrong
I ain't never gona get any better
I'm just stumbling along
In this desperate ****
Going no where with it
So go pour another f'cking drink
You make me sick
Whoever whatever
Who cares anymore?
Life's cancer to the core
An exercise in being horrified
So hard to hide my f'cking pride
I can't reach out
I can't let anyone in
I'm burning out and I'm dying



Endymion 2007

sorry - Naima

http://www.worldcantwait.org/

Just... Just be okay.....

I guess the tables twisted... now's my turn to say 'stay safe'!

I'm just glad you're ok, Naima (tables turned)

thanks for being a good friend - and please, please don't worry about me - as I've said here before - my motive for posting my '****' isn't based on any need to be 'helped' - it's like being an artist and slapping angry paint at a wall - that's all. Yes, I sometimes feel desperatel, I admit it - but you've expressed in your poetry some anger and violent fantasy - it doesn't mean you'd really do it, right?

I have a feeling we are both survivors!

Peace,
Endy

ps ... yeah i got blasted for 2 days (severely pissed) - but i've eased off today, and don't intend carrying on...

Falling off the Wagon




I was writing
Something that got me up-tight
I was pacing
Lunatic fear
In a poacher's lights
I was mean
A flowing stream
Of words bled by crazy screams
Scared the f*cking pain
Would blow apart my brain
Tip me off the edge
Of this tapering ledge
Take me into its dark game
I felt true shame
Twisting off the lid
Again



Endymion 2007

you normally make me smile.... but this time, you made me laugh!!!
that's all I'm going to say :wink:

what are friends for?
you make me smile, too - Naima

Never



This is no life
But a thin existence
Not nearly enough
To warm the soul
I long to sit beside you
To watch the sun go down
And keep you warm
As the evening stars rise
I would quietly pick you flowers
And watch you fall asleep
And lie beside you peacefully
And never wake



Endymion 2007

Capsule


He writes with old marker pens
that bend a thin line
Scrawling nonsense at himself
on envelopes and scraps of paper

He writes
FU CK THAT MADMAN'S LAW
in swirls of sea salt crystals
across the unused dining table,
then photographs the evidence
of his marine madness

He writes THIS IS HELL on a wall in a bedroom
and paints the ceiling empty black -
staring into the pitiless void
reclined, like Abu on the rack
Clutching a postcard picture
of his dead Mona Lisa

He writes
THE SHAME OF MANY
with a knife that fits his hand
Self-tattooing his affliction
under the punishing guise
of an old, cold hearted addiction

He writes FORGET IT on the mirror
Dry soap and blood
All words are jargon born of love



Endymion 2007

Phone Call



I sit and stare at the number
Like a coward
Froze on ice
And I dream
Of picking up the phone
Just to hear your voice
But how?
When I cannot speak
Unless to stammer?
Mumbling like a moron
Spl… Spluttering grammar
With derrr… deformed speech
Hey, listen
I'm a Frankenstein monster
And shame is mine
From the moment you answer
To hear me g... gurgling out words
Like a drain without a brain
Cler… Clicking out a f… first n… name
Aladin Sane
A p…panic struck infusion
Tongue tied and twisted confusion
Fear inflames and I'm afraid
If I get too close to you
I may never speak again



Endymion 2007

WAITING FOR GOD DOH!


Where were you? Huh?

Why didn't you give a ....... ?

If you exist, then man your timing sucks

We're both out of luck

But I don't care much


XxxxxxXXXXXXxxxxxxxxXXXXxxxxxxxXXXX


A Bottle, Of Course



I can't take it, no
I Just can't fake this
Smile no more
I sit and stare
At the closed door
Lie on the ground
And make no sound
Listening for mice

Staring at a fierce moon
Glows like a lover's kiss
She listens
Casting her silver light

There is a bottle of course
Clenched in my hand
I drink from its eye
Guzzling back the empty night
In my head
I still hear my scream
I just want to be free
You know what I mean?



Endymion 2007

I've been writing poetry day and night - like mad. I dunno how many poems - seven, maybe.
One of them was a death diary/ love poem -

http://www.able2know.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=2779871#2779871

i put it on the idiot thread because it went with a few others there

ha!

back in the death diary (crank it up)

here's a small tribute



Da Funk (Tribute)



Kick-ing bass
A mad funk, straight-up, street chase
Keeping pace
Groomed, tuned, ultra grooved, hyper spaced

Bang the drum
Rebel song keeping on

anon
anon

Thumping on the big E with my thumb
Playing strong

Yeah!

Getting it blue
Getting it true…
Getting it deep-dowwwn
Like she wants me to




Endymion 2007

Disabled



Man, you look spiffy in your brand new hat
I wish i had one like it, with a badge and a cap
But they took away my uniform
When they took me for this ride
And I could do nothing to stop 'em
Because I'm paralysed

Man, you look happy there - smiling for us all
To look at you, you wouldn't think
We were at war at all
Your nice white shoes are shinning
It's a very pretty day
I wish I could get up and run away



Endymion 2007

The Tower



I miss you all
And look for your shadows
Spiral steps that lead me
On up the tower

When you were with me
Whispering your courage
I felt I'd never be defeated
Where have you gone?

Have I torn from your hands
The delicate flowers?
Have I been so stupid?
Have I been a coward?

Without your magic
I am devoured






Endymion 2007