Death Diary - Endymion

Thanks for posting Tico (and for taking time to read).
And for mentioning Cold Turkey - I've a feeling there might be more of that to come!

Bring Them Home! - a song




So what does it matter -
Who's right, who's wrong?
You know it's all over -
We don't belong on no oil trip out'a reality
Where vulgarity verses humanity
The damage is done
(It's time to move on)
Bring them home!
(It's been too long)

The war is a riot
Their cover's blown
It's moral outrage

Just bring them home

What does it matter -
Who's right, who's wrong?
You know it's all over -
For those who've gone to their death or to insanity
Where morality has no legality
The damage is done
(It's time to move on)
Bring them home!
(It's been too long)

Just bring them home





Endymion 2007

Anger/Guilt


When I heared you were dead I was enraged
After leading us to believe you were invincible
How could you loose your life, f' Christ's sake?
You? Out done by death?
So soon?
What the hell happened?

Only later
When I saw someone crying at the news
Did I allow myself to feel any pain
To understand you couldn't be to blame
Anger was guilt
That I couldn't stick with you
After every-f*cking-thing we'd been through

You went west
And brother, we still miss you




Endymion 2007

Can't tell you how beautiful this last one is...
really reminds me of someone...

Hey Naima, thanks for letting me know. You keep writing.

Peace
Endy

Floored


I contemplate the obscure night
From the coldest reaches of my rage
And stare without compassion
At a reflection of submission
Going down, down

The desire burns
Like a prisoner inside me
I need a drink
I need a f*cking drink

I am sick
Stretched out on cold tiles
The pain must flow away from me
Or eat my heart

Unstoppable
Escape impossible
I need a drink
I need a f*cking drink

I can only feel the hours
Go winding through me
I try to understand
How I can be
When the red lines slide
And I wait for the scream

I need a drink
I need a f"cking drink



Endymion 2007

Boy in the Reeds



I saw his face a second time
Floating serenely by
Swimming under a rainbow tide
I knew it was him
I remembered the shirt
He looked surprised
Water lapping at his collar
As he ebbed under a dusty sky
Across the river a giant bird took flight
I watched it beat wings against the sun
When I looked again for the boy
He was gone



Endymion 2007

Without Trace



I've sat here for an hour
Holding this damn photograph
Trying to remember
What I was feeling that day
Hell, I wasn't even a man
(Although I recall feeling like one)

What do these cold eyes tell me?
What does this raised chin signify?
Pride?
Oh yes…I was so f*cking proud
A nobody like me….
A somebody suddenly

But that was before learning
The obscene realities
Before my dream was imploded
By another man's insanity
Before I understood
The conventions of the game

I hold the edge to the flame
And watch that foolish kid burn
I don't want to remember his face
What he was….
Has been obliterated
Without trace




Endymion 2007

Why Give A F*ck?



My true vision's dead
I'm f*cked in the head
The dreams that taunt me
Haunt me with their death
Every final breath
They've taken from me
In the night in my bed
Drains the soul from me

The pain is daily fed
By truths unsaid
And I try not to see
But it follows me
The lies that burn bright
On their TVs at night
And the great
Human hypocrisy

From room to room
They grind down hope
Until life is a joke
And you feel yourself slide
To the edge of your pride
Taken on a trip
Down a hell-bound slope

Can't speak, mustn't drink
But I can't f*cking think
Try to reason it out
What the world is about
But the wound is so black
I just sink

Man, I'm sick of trying
Sick of listening to them lying
Why should I care a f*ck
About myself
When millions fall dying?
I can't pretend not to hear
The billion tears
This world is crying




Endymion 2007

Hey, Endy.

Still reading here.

Just saying g'day & quietly thinking you're way too hard on yourself.
But I do think these last few poems are very strong.
Keep writing & posting.

Greetings from the chilly south,
Olga

thanks for reading Olga -

peace
Endy

Hey, man…. You're a Winner


Grit your teeth and numb your brain
Fade the line and f*ck the pain
Laugh real loud
When you look in the mirror
Washing blood from the palms
Of the cultural sinner
Man, you're looking thinner
What happened to the flame?
Your dreams are gona eat cha
Leave you lost and lame
So swallow their poisons
And when they tell you
"You're a winner"
Ask if they already know
You're dead and gone forever




Endymion 2007

Metal


I don't WANT it
You can STICK it
Take it and SHOVE it
You can HAVE it
You can KEEP it
It's YOURS, isn't it?



Endymion 2007

Keep Away



As you can see
I'm doing okay without you
But that doesn't mean
That I don't think about you
Or wonder what it is
That has turned you
away
What it could have been
That I did or didn't say
Don't come near me now
My heart couldn't bear it
I know I neglect you
But I just can't share it
I'm missing you so much
It's so hard to say
But keep away
Just keep away



Endymion 2007

The Torturer



The man who tortures is a shade
He has no soul
But only moves as water at night
In his cruel loneliness
He is a silhouette without a shadow
A vampire that sucks on the mind
Burning-up the innocent marrow
He grows taller on the stairwell
Hungry and lean
A monster that feeds on skewered hearts
Of dead boys
Watch him squeeze
The last of hope from their secret peace
Destroying their bodies and the spirit beneath
In fair and equal measure
Inflicting pain for pleasure
Breaking bones in certain places
With loving fists
That twist arms at the wrist
And leave little traces
Of the child hidden in terror and grief
The torturer steals love like a thief




Endymion 2007

This is a very striking image Endy. I like the poem as a whole-it has a lot of strengths in my mind-the image of the silhouette growing larger on the stairs, and the stealing of love to name two. But the lines above - especially that image of the man as a shade moving as water at night- is particularly interesting and strong.

Hope you are well.

Thanks for reading these poems.

thanks for posting

Remembrance


There are ghosts here
That dance in the dead of night
They rise above the ground mist
And wave from side to side
Their arms are like the sticks of trees
Their cries rise from the land
You said you'd never forget us
But you have



Endymion 2007

kind of a song.....



Rainy day




This pain in my heart
I can't take away
You'd like to suck my blood
But I'm saving it up
For a rainy day

There' is nothing here
In this reality
That I can see for me
I'm very tired of being alone
Sometimes, some things
Just go on too long
And you want it
The way you want it to be
And you want to cut free, yeah
You just want to cut free

I can't breathe anymore
Existence bothers me
I can't look any more
Cos man, it troubles me
The f*cked-up things I've seen
I can't take the cracking in my brain
Night sky blood rain
I see it over and over and over and over and over and over again

Sometimes, some things
Just go so f*cking wrong
And you want it
The way you want it to be
And you want to cut free, yeah
You just want to cut free

This pain in my heart
I can't take away
You'd like to suck my blood
But I'm saving it up
For a rainy day





Endymion 2007

I know what it is I have to write now

I'll come back to the death diary again, I'm sure - until then, I'm on a different journey.

Here's the link to No Man's Land - A Project
http://www.able2know.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=97334&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0

If you get a chance to look at it - please let me know what you think, compared to what I've done here.

And thank you for reading these poems - I don't know what to make of them myself - but I know each one has helped me in some way to write it.

And I also want to thank those who have resisted giving me stick here for some of what I've written. I think its to their credit that they resisted.

Edgar, Olga. Rebecca, Naima - special thanks

Peace, everyone

Endy