Death Diary - Endymion

thanks, Olga

Right now, that is good to know.
(glad you're still here)

Things can seem a bit off key sometimes, but you'll be amazed to know that despite a few pressures recently - I have now been 'on the wagon' for (hold it) ...... 2 weeks!
(Yes me, Endy.... some big deal, right?)
Actually, I thought I'd give the prescribed medication a 'fair-go' (to use an Aussie phrase) - It's like being on a roller-coaster here. I go up and then down. A man could get sea-sick!

Are you very busy, Olga?
Remember that new writing project i talked about?
It should go up in the next few days. It's a lot of words - but if you get chance to read some of it, I'd like to hear what you think.


Thanks for sticking by me Olga
All the best

Peace
E

Hey Endy

Of course I'm still here!

You've been on the wagon for two weeks?
Yes, that is a big deal!
No, hang on, it's a HUGE deal!
That is fantastic!
Congratulations! Well done!

When you post your "writing project" I'll print it, then read & digest at my leisure, Endy. That's the best way to do proper justice to a lengthier piece of writing, don't you think?

I'm positive that there are many other A2K folk also "sticking by you" & regularly reading your words. It's just that we don't always comment on what we've read. Sometimes a comment can seem superfluous or unnecessary. Personally I don't want to clog up the flow of your thread too much by adding too many of my own comments. But that's just me. I can see that you're perfectly happy receiving the responses from others.

Keep writing & enjoy your spring!
Lovely time of year!

Cheers,
Olga

I think that's a great idea, Olga - better than reading off a computer screen.
I'm honoured that you'd go to the trouble of doing so.
(Just hope it's worth it to you)!

Speak to you soon
(still on the wagon - and editing....)

Have a good evening
Peace
E

endymion is a god of dreams in a pagan religion, in the netherlands area is the origins... im pretty sure...

*edit, hmm guess i was wrong, god of beauty from greek mythology...

'The god of dreams in a pagan religion' seems more appropriate....

Here's a quick explaination of how I ended up with the name
http://www.able2know.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=1604125#1604125

And some info on Endymion - (the mythology)
http://www.able2know.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=1614795#1614795

i like the netherlands idea of the name
thanks for posting it OGIONIK

Peace
E

No rush with that writing, Endy. It comes when it comes. When you're ready is just fine.

Just remember that I'm not exactly a Times literary critic or anything fancy-schmanshy, OK? :wink:

Still off the wagon.
Hey, if I wore a hat, Endy, I'd take it off to you! That cannot have been at all easy!
Hang in there. It's worth it!

Just the kind of critic i need

Seriously - it's nothing complicated - or fancy (although it is about 11,000 words )

It's strange really, but coming off the booze has been easier because of writing this - and I've been eating differently - rice and vegetables every day.
I've already lost surplus weight and I'm feeling better, physically - so it must be a good thing, eh?

I may have to nip over to one of your cookery threads and get some advice about aubergines - but apart from that......

Better than good, Endy.
It's terrific!

Have a good day, Olga

***************************************

I think I may take a break from the thing I'm working on.
Leave it for a couple of days and then read it through again.

Meanwhile, poetry
I haven't written anything here for a while

Maybe I see death slightly differently these days


Free Choice


All day it threatened rain
But still I climbed
Until the pain was a mystery
And from where I stood
I could see such vast distance
That the land filled my senses
And left no room for doubt
There, on that precipice
I had my chance
And didn't take it
Let death find its own way
Today I want to live




Endymion 2007

To Feel At All


Dawn
Peace touches the land
Just for a moment I don't feel
The desperation or indifference
Of the world
I am held
In a timeless breath
Lost in this eternal universe
I understand
How fortunate I am
To feel at all
When so many are dead
Those I've lost
Are lost among the many
Years fall aside
Leaving emptiness
In the sorrowed hearts
Of everyone who ever loved




Endymion 2007

That's a real 'ahhhhhhhhh'.

Thanks Endymion.

One Day, I Will
**************

One day, I will see you
You'll come home to me

Tomorrow
Or when I am an old man
It makes no difference

One day, I will see you
Walking towards me again

I hope it's in the spring

I can image
How you will smile
And meet my kiss

And all the years we've missed
Will come back to us
This house alive with children

Sometimes I can hear them
In my heart




Endymion 2007

ehBeth
thank you for reading

Sorry - mistake in the last poem that should read imagine - not image




Hunger Strike



I have decided
That I cannot eat
I have decided
That I cannot eat
Until the war criminals
Get theirs
I have decided
That I cannot eat

Until all our troops come home
Until Palestine is free to live in peace
Until there's no more starvation in Africa
Until the world dismantles all nuclear weapons
Until human kind has learned to live in harmony
Until ignorance no longer exists and man is enlightened

Until then

I have decided
That I cannot eat
I have decided
That I cannot eat
Until the war criminals
Get theirs
I have decided
That I cannot eat





Endymion 2007

Leave it till you really feel like tackling it again, Endy. The only deadline is yours.


Um ... just wondering.
About your hunger strike poem, Endy.
Admittedly I'm a famed worry wort (wart?) but your poem doesn't mean that you actually are on strike does it?


I really liked One Day, I Will.

*Kicking addiction* once more for "Free Choice"

oh and...


Rock On!!!

Olga - about the Hunger Strike poem
Please don't worry

It's difficult to explain - but I think I was taking the piss out of myself. (This might not be immediately obvious, I grant you).

(Here's an essay of an explanation - feel free to skip through)


It's true that since Thursday's grand 'standing down' by Blair - I haven't felt much like eating.

Tony Blair goes waltzing off to his four different million pound mansions - leaving our boys out there in Iraq - where he sent them on a bunch of lies.
He never did face any of the dead troops families. He never explained why he went along with Bush KNOWING there were no weapons of mass destruction.
Knowing there wasn't anything out there as destructive (or as immoral) as the weapons (including depleted uranium) used by the US.
Not only did he bull-**** us into a war - he's walking away from any responsibility - and how many more will die thanks to what he helped begin?

The War On Terror?
- Do me a favour.

Thatcher was a well hated PM - but she didn't pretend to be anything other than a hard nosed bitch.

Tony Blair, when he first came into power, talked of creating racial harmony in Britain (ha!)
Ending the nuclear arms race (ha ha ha)
Looking out for the environment (bigger HA!)
Promoting Britain as an ambassador of peace (excuse me while I throw up)

People here in Britain BELIEVED HE WAS THEIR SAVIOUR -
and why? Because he told them what they wanted to hear.
Shame it was all lies.

So much injustice makes me feel absolutely powerless.
When I read what General Rose has to say about the situation now in Iraq (Revolution thread) I feel a tremendous urgency - to get our troops out of there asap.
But what can I do?

Somehow, I've never really got on board the hunger strike thing - maybe because I was born into the Thatcher era (in other words, brought up on right-wing propaganda).

Even what I've read of Gandhi - when he went on hunger strike - somehow it has always seemed (to me) strangely, unfathomably offensive that someone would starve themselves purposefully - when so many are starving who don't want to be. Not only that - but I've considered it to be, in some way I can't quite define - a type of 'blackmailing'… or something like that.

But the other night when I wrote the poem, it was because I suddenly understood what makes people do it.

In a strange way, eating, existing, feels like 'collaborating' -

I can't physically do anything to get the troops home - or have Blair tried for war-crimes - but if I just sit back and get on with my own life, how can I live with myself?

But then, when would I eat again? When British troops are out of Iraq? What about the rest of humanity - aren't they worth dying for?

Not to mention that I am a nobody and would influence nothing
(- That's when I started to laugh at myself).

I think the poem says honestly how I felt - but the ridiculousness of it is also there to be seen - the truth is that there is no point me going on hunger strike.
Twenty or so veterans getting together and doing a media backed hunger strike isn't going to do it. Brown in his address today said he isn't going to do it. There's only one way to get the troops home from Iraq - and that is for the American people to impeach George Bush and his band of rodents and declare the war in Iraq a crime.
If I believed in God - I'd be praying for that day.

I'm sorry if I worried you, Olga - that was never intended - the poem's about strong feelings - but that's just me.

I tell you what - if I ever do feel truly suicidal, I'll say so, outright.
You won't have to worry about what I write here then.
I can give you my word on it - I'd post here and say.
That's a promise

As for going on hunger strike...
Please try to trust me on this - I'm not delusional enough to consider myself any kind of 'hero'. That's left to people like Brad Pitt, David Beckham, etc….know what I mean?......now if THEY went on hunger strike - we might get somewhere.

Thanks for being a friend, Olga
Peace,
Endy

If It Had Been Me



I wish it had been me
That would have been better
I had already lost my lover
Why leave two to suffer?
If it had been me
My love and I would be at peace
And his wife wouldn't be like me
Alone in a strange company
If it had been me
A son would still have his father
And a father would still have his son
If it had been me
It would have hurt no one
Because my love was already gone
God, I wish it had been me
If it had been me
My love and I would be at peace
And he and his wife would be together
And he would have talked about us both forever
To his son
But I have no one who'll pass his memory on



Endymion 2007

Jericho



We stampeded the night
While fires burned in Jericho
The long forgotten reason
Dispersed into shadow
No barricade could hold us
As on we poured
Like the purest white tide
Defying our proclaimed creator
Prideful in our lust for bloody conquer
We tore the veils
From the screaming faces
And feasted well
On our own hearts



Endymion 2007

Phew, Endy, that's a relief.
I guess I wasn't really thinking that you'd do yourself in... but I just wondered if something was terribly wrong.
Thanks for explaining. All is well in the world!

I watched some of Blair's "farewell" speech, too. And like you, was quite put off. What most disturbed me was that he seemed absolutely oblivious to the immense harm that he'd done. He seemed to be saying that no matter what one thought of his actions that he really, really thought he was doing the right thing at the time! Huh? It was almost as if he didn't have the humility or the integrity to admit that Iraq was totally unacceptable to the British public . (Why else would he be resigning at this point?) Or else he was so deluded that he honestly couldn't see how much damage he'd done. At which point I started to wonder if he was quite mad. How could he not understand the immense harm he'd done, all the pain & misery he was directly responsible for? But you see, he thinks it's all about him! Instead of apologizing, or at least expressing regret, for the suffering of the Iraqi people, the distress & anger of the people of the UK, the despair of Labour Party members, the deaths & the harm done to British troops, etc, etc, he appeared more concerned about his own reputation. What a repugnant, egotistical man! (Rather reminds me of a certain PM in the southern hemisphere who refuses to ever say "sorry". :wink: )

So, yes, I now do understand how you were feeling when you wrote that poem. (I like the poem very much, btw)
And I'm happy & relieved to hear that you're OK. That's good!

Please continue writing now!

Cheers,
Olga