RACISM

James,
I would like to post an alternative (and out of respect to the others who have contributed to this thread feel free to flame me).

I more than understand than introverted thinking , self analyisis , reading good but soul searching literature can have an equaly bad as good effect.

Learn something like Wing Chung. It's a martial art, and teaches focus, meditaiton, interaction with natural forces.

You must find someone who is gentle in spirt to teach and also you feel is a person you think you can trust (else dont do it)

You should look to learn on breathing techniques, and learn from the philosophy that only by being relaxed can your techneque be most effective.

I should note Wing Chung while being sister.brother to Tai Chi is a more combat orientated martal art, in fact more so than almost any other.

You would need at least 2 to 3 years and working hard to start to feel confidence and the interaction with other people which will be tough at the begining .

Racism...
Jamesw84 While I can agree partly with what Michael-5 just said,please,please get counseling,first,and then when you notice some progress,you should by all means,study T'ai Chi,Yoga,and anything else that is calming and relaxing. It seems to me that you need emotional resolution and psychological peace through counseling,and talking to an experienced,knowledgeable counselor will help.

Michael-S: No flames for what you advised Jamesw84 to do,but my training and experience in the counseling field makes me believe that he is so miserable and unhappy,that he needs to find peace within his mind and heart,before he can concentrate on anything else.

Funny u should mention alternative methods Michael, this therapist I wrote about in the other page, seemed to be convinced all I needed was to pick up a girl, and everything would be better fro me. Thats the reason why I stopped seeing him, as after about 10 visits, during the 11th to 15 visits he kept pushing me to approach some chicks, and he thought it was the best solution instead of trying to change the way i feel about myself. AFter seeing a therapist like that, I lost faith in all therapists. What a permanent thought that was, so pessimistic and yet so typical of me.

So mentioning Kung Fu isnt such a bad idea, mind you, I already do Taekwondo for a recreational sport, it really helps me relax, drain out anger at times when I need it most, at times when I think Im going crazy and about to snap, so physical excercise does help someone who is feeling down. We dont do much of the mental excercise you mentioned they do for Wing Chun though, a friend told me about Yoga, it appears to be able to teach a person to control their mind through stretching and breathing excercises, I wouldnt mind trying it out one day.

Walking around feeling people are watching you and scrutinising you isnt a pleasant feeling, after doing sport, you lose this self consciousness and feel more at ease with yourself and others, but its only temporary relief, when you regain ur strength again, the same thing happens, IVe noticed my mental health is much much better when im not stressed out by uni work, and especially better after ive excercised

racism.....
Jamesw84 ! I'm glad to know that you've made an effort to get counseling in the past,and I'm sorry that the counselor didn't have the first clue of how to help you. Please don't let that discourage you from getting further counseling. Eventually you will find the kind of person who will help you gain the peace you need and want. It may not be quick or easy,but it can be done,and it will be worth your hard work.

Yeh thanks for the encouragement. I guess this councellor I saw was just as confused as I was, I have no clue as to why that would be the case though, because they claim to be trained professionals in these areas, especially with uni students, and yet this dude knew nothing much more than pop-psychology you can find in books, though he did make me a very useful relaxation tape, a tape that puts you in a kind of a trance and makes you feel good about yourself.

lindatw,

You are trained in the field of counselling? Would you mind giving me some more advice on how I should be changing my behaviour around other people and how I should be using CBT to change my thoughts? Ive heard all about CBT where they tell you to identify your thoughts, challenge them, and then feel better as result, blah blah blah, but the harsh reality of my condition is, that I can not possibly know what Im thinking at every single instant, even if I try as hard as I can to figure out what kind of thoughts Im having. IF I feel angry, I can try to guess what Im thinking, but there is no way in the world I can pinpoint the exact words that I am thinking in my mind that is making me feel bad. So what solution is there to someone who cant identify what exact thoughts they are having? and is CBT only useful for those lucky ones who can identify their exact thoughts and those able to form these thoughts into verbal sentences?

Jamesw84:) I'll be glad to try to help,but it may be that CBT isn't the right process for you and a counselor to use. There are many different types of therapy/counselling available,and most therapists can adapt their methods to the needs of the client. It might be helpful to you if you go to your university library and look for books on therapy/treatment methods. Doing that might give you a good idea about the kind of counselor you want to speak with. Be an informed consumer,and
be well-armed with knowledge about how each type of therapy might help. Just as you might have to try several different counselors,you might have to try a mix of different methods to find the right combinations that will work for you. When I have counseled with someone, I have used an ecclectic approach,rather than sticking to one method.
It might help you if you keep a daily journal or diary in which you openly and honestly record your day's activities and feelings and thoughts.
When you are with people,try to imagine that they are human beings, have,for the most part good intentions,and are not treating you with prejudice or hatred. There are always exceptions to every rule, but usually people will treat you respectfully, and in a friendly way,if you give them a chance,and go into any situation without any preconceived ideas about what will happen.
Also,speak with a counselor about group sessions. That is,your counselor will lead you and other clients with the same concerns,in a discussion of problems and solutions. It can be a great help to know that others have the same concerns,and have found answers.

Dear Linda
What you have suggested is very insightful already. Can you give me a brief overview of treatment options and how they work?

Cheers

Jamesw84 I'll be glad to try. Let me either dig out my university textbooks,or do some research,and I'll be back in touch soon as possible!

cheers!!!

racism....
Jamesw84 : I couldn't find my college texts,but if you go online and look up the following on the Wikipedia website,you will find some fairly thorough definitions of each method. Some methods are similar to each other,and not all will apply to your situation or life,but a really good counselor can help you find a method that works best for you:
{1}Dialectical therapy
{2}Rational emotive therapy
{3}CBT therapy
{4}Freudian therapy
{5}Jungian therapy
{6}Adlerian therapy
{7}Multimodal therapy
{8}Gestalt therapy
{9} Reality therapy
There is enough information in Wikipedia's site on each of these counseling methods,that it would take up too much A2k space and leave no room for others to post
Cheers

Jamesw84: P.S.: Most of the therapy methods {except Freudianism and Jungian} involve the
counselor guiding the client toward challenging the
negative feeling,ideas. that are keeping the client from living a happy fulfilled life.

WOW, thanks for your efforts ,

I never imagined there would be so many ways of helping people who have negative thoughts run their lives, . Ill definitely check them out and see which ones would be more suitable for myself.

One Early morning a few days ago, when I woke up and read your message Linda,


"When you are with people,try to imagine that they are human beings, have,for the most part good intentions,and are not treating you with prejudice or hatred. There are always exceptions to every rule, but usually people will treat you respectfully, and in a friendly way,if you give them a chance,and go into any situation without any preconceived ideas about what will happen. "

for the first time in years, when I left the house to get to where I was going, I actually felt at ease as I walked past other people on the streets, and lost the feeling of being [on guard]. It was a really great feeling that I wish I would have all the time. Unfortunately this feeling was only temporary and as the day went on, it gradually dissappeared. Your advice has definitely given me new hope, that I can change my preconceived ideas and free myself.

From your counselling experience, which method has proven the most useful on average?

Jamesw84: One method is not always right for all,
but I feel that the counselor and client achieve great success,if they talk with one another,and the counselor helps the client discover what he feels,why he feels it,if those feeling are always based in fact,and what to do to prevent from starting the negative feelings that have no basis in everyday reality. To me it's best if the client discovers how when,and why his/her bad feelings started,then put that event into its'proper perspective,and then learn how to stop and deal with untrue feelings and thoughts before they take root permanently.
I'm glad you felt better that day. Keep trying that technique 'til the good feeling lasts all the time !
You might try starting your day by thinking positive thoughts,affirming thoughts about yourself and your life.

Hope you get good results

Whats the best way to build trust, basic trust towards other people? It seems I lack this, and I feel on guard 100% of the time when Im around new people. Even the psychologists I cant trust.

Racism.....
James: When all is said and done, you must start somewhere to trust someone. One good way,is to treat everyone as though they are a blank slate,and as though you have no preconceived ideas about them. Let them,as you get to know them,fill in the blanks,and show their trustworthiness,just as you show them your trustworthiness.
Do/did you trust your martial arts teacher to instruct you correctly in what you needed to know? If so,that is a form of trust. Do you trust/believe that your professors have the knowledge and ability that it takes to teach you and your classmates correctly? That's another form of trust.
As far as counselors go,they are honor-bound by their professional standards,to behave in a way that helps their clients trust them and their abilities.Counselors are bound by law not to disclose patient/client information to anyone. Breaking this rule can lead to a counselor being banned from their profession. Their are some,rarelegal exceptions,but generally,that's the rule.
You cannot go on living without trusting people. That makes for a lonely miserable existence. The next time you have a chance,look up these 2 things on Wikipedia:{1} Serenity prayer {2} the text of
Desiderata . Please read them and think about what they say and mean.

P.S.: James,I almost forgot to mention "body language". If you want people to treat you fairly,and honestly,and in a friendly manner,don't
take an aggresive stance,or posture. Don't approach people and have a frown on your face.
Check your nearest library,or Wikipedia for books and discussions of body language.

Re: Racism.....


Actually from what youve mentioned above, I didnt trust my martial arts instructor enough, I believed he didnt know the martial art to any great extent and that his techniques were wrong so I changed to another instructor, whom I am also skeptical about at the moment because its a fairly young girl. And about the lecturers, I dont believe they have the skills to make me understand the material by listening to them in the lecture rooms. What I learn to pass the exams come from the teaching material and text books, not from what they say in lectures because I dont believe in what they have to say. This is the level of distrust in people I am experiencing at the moment.

Rather I find it easier to trust people I havent seen, I can trust people easier when Im chatting with them on MSN rather than seeing them in real life on campus or anywhere else. When Im around people, their physical presence makes it very very hard for me to trust them.