need advice about contacting old girlfriend

Leave her alone.

P.S. I wrote this leter for her but wonder if she should ever read it:



xxxxx,

There are things in life that are inevitable; I'm powerless to control them. But I know everything in life happens for a reason, even though we sometimes can't see it while it?'s happening. I do know now that everything before you, and everything since, has seemed to be temporary and second rate compared to that moment in time we spent together.

It's been so long since I've been in your arms, felt your touch, or looked into your eyes. The worst part about it all is that I only have myself to blame for it all. I ran out, leaving your heart in a mess. I thought I could get over you, but who am I kidding, I'm not. Sometimes I have passed you driving , when I see you my heart jumps out of my chest, exactly the same way it did the first moment I saw you. All I think as I drive past is that you were right, I had found my soul mate. Then reality sets in, there is the person I'm with, and there is a person I'm supposed to be with.

I know that over these last couple of years your world has changed, but as far as I can tell you are still that same beautiful, independent, self-assured, very successful woman, the complete package, as I always called you. My world has also changed, the job I felt I needed to complete, getting my two children through those difficult teenage years, is done. I always and still think of you every day, you were the deepest, most intense love of my life.

A lot of things were left unsaid when I left. It's important to express to you how much you really meant, and still mean to me. I wish I could do this in person while holding you in my arms again. But in the present, this letter must do. You always said that when we kissed , you felt like you were melting. When we kissed I always felt an intense heat in my chest, that feeling was part of what I now know was the real thing, the only real thing I ever really had.

I certainly can't ask you to change your life for me now. I hope you are in a relationship that is good and fulfilles you. You have important people in your life who depend on you. If I could undo the past, I would. I guess all I can do is ask for some forgiveness. It's up to God and the universe to determine if someday in the future, through some great fortune, our lives will cross again. But if things do happen for a reason, then I'm sure the universe will work it out, it always does.

xxxx, I never stopped loving you, and missing you. I miss every little thing about you... your sexy smile, the sound of your voice, the way you would squint one eye, tilt your head and look at me . I loved your touch and the warmth I felt when we were spending time together. I love remembering each and every once-in-a-lifetime moment I shared with you. The completeness of being with you. If I did see you again, I don't know if I would even survive it, but I would take that chance…


Remember us....

jxxx

If you really care for this woman, you won't try to mess up her current life. If/when she and her boyfriend end their relationship, then act if you still want to. Otherwise, don't do this.

I'm with Gus.

If a woman were to contact an old flame who happened to be in a satisfactory relationship with someone else, she'd be called a homewrecker.

These are unisex days--the name would apply to you.

Right now you love her, you miss her. She's your soulmate. Nevertheless, you walked off and left her for another woman. Now that your obligations to the "other woman" are complete, you'd like her back.

Self-centered homewrecker.

If you wish her well, leave her alone--although she might get some well-deserved satisfaction by treating you as you deserve.

If your feelings are really pure and noble, you'll keep them to yourself.

I reckon if this woman is in a happy relationship then it wont hurt if you contact her.
She may be wondering if your single.

Yes it was nasty to dump her but its not gona hurt to let her know yuor available.
If she isnt interested she wont contact you.

thank you all for the advice, painfull but helpful. what do the women on this board think? If it was you, how would you want to be contacted?

Hmm, I dont think face to face, you need something like a letter so she can get used to you wanting to be in her life again and she can make up her own mind in her own time wether she wants to reply to you or not.

Maybe word of mouth, do you have friends in common?

regarding her current boyfriend, he is 38 (so is she), I read in the paper that he was arrested at her house for third degree aggravated driving, I guess he has had his license supended 4 times and got caught speeding without a license. he doesn't seem to me to be mister perfect, especially when she has to drive his ass everywhere, am i being to opportunistic, or reading too much into this information?

Arrested...oh, she must be sooo proud.He sounds like a scumbag.
You could be saving her from a yucky relationship that she wants to get out of.
Ok, I understand you may be reading into this as a very opportunistics situation for you ..but what an opportunity!!
None of us are Mr or Miss perfect but unless youve murdered people and hidden them under the patio, YOU seem the better catch of the 2.

Im not into this 'if you love them let them go' malarky.
Im into 'if you want someone, suss out if you could improve their life then interfere like hell but with tact and nonobsessiveness'.

Lifes too short to think 'what if'.

There was a reason why you saw and read that article.

I think you should call her. Ask her if she is happy. If she is happy, she'll tell you so and you need to leave her alone. If she isn't happy, just tell her the door is open and the decision is hers. And then live with what she decides.

I'm a big fan of writing letters to purge the soul and then sticking them in a drawer for safekeeping or flushing them, whichever suits the situation best. I do not think you should send the letter, but I commend you for writing it.

Your wife has decided she no longer wants to continue with your marriage. Have you separated? Divorced? Cohabitating? What is your current status?

Your ex-mistress has a live-in boyfriend. She obviously was able to get involved with a married man at one point in her life, so I'm not too concerned about you being perceived as a homewrecker. One good turn deserves another as they say.

Unless your answer to the status question is 'legally separated, final divorce pending' or 'divorced' then I think you should keep your thoughts to yourself. Once you are no longer married to your wife or at least legally separated, then I think it would be fine if you let her know you still care about her.

At that point, I totally agree with Bella.

Leave her alone. She's moved on with her life. Not with you.

You've mucked up one relationship already. Don't do it again.

Maybe you can take the time to sort out how you've messed things up, and try to be a better partner in a future relationship with someone you haven't already hurt.

I am legally separated from my wife on good terms, I got the house, she got a new house, I run a family contracting business, the cash comes in from that source, she works a regular job, the health insurance and such comes from there. To divorce would wreak havoc on our financial situation, so it's not in the works at the moment. My daughter is finishing up high school, and lives with me, my son is away at college. My wife is welcome anytime to be in the house. And I am welcome in hers.

tell me what you think of this:
I know a woman who lives in the general area of the girl I am trying to contact, they don't know each other but I am sure I could ask her to deliver the above posted letter to her, she is well spoken and non threating. Maybe even put in a good word for me.

ehBeth's comment is succinct, though not as succinct as Gus' comment, and expresses what I think too.

What do I think of that? not much positive.

for the record, we were BOTH married 4 years ago, she had a 1 year old daughter at the time, and separated from her husband shortly before I met her. We were probably both emotional train wrecks at the time. I told her on many occasions that it was going to be diffucult to make it work at that time, she wanted to hang in there, when I told her I was going to give my marriage another chance, she made a counter offer, go try, she said," I take second place to still be with you." I told her no and don't wait for me, and did not try to make contact after that. It wouldn't have been fair to lead her along like that, I wanted her to get a new life and be happy.

This all sounds eerily familiar



The fact that you have no intention of divorcing makes this a BIG, fahgetaboutit!

My best advice, go with your heart, your gut instinct... you only live once... the choice is yours, you already know the consequences that could caome about because of this, but if in your eyes it is worth it, then go for it... don't live life with regrets....

She went and got a new life. You are thinking of messing with that. Regardless of how you feel about it, it's not your place to "see" what kind of guy he is. You are not getting a divorce.

Do you understand how truly self-absorbed you appear to be?