The kosher computer

I don't know if you know this, but you can now purchase Kosher
computers!
They are made in Israel by a company called DELL-SHALOM. The price is
so low, even with the shipping from Israel, that I bought one. I've
been using it now for several weeks, and highly recommend it.
However, before you purchase a kosher computer of your own, you
should know that there are some important changes from the typical
non-kosher computer you are used to, such as:

1) The "Start" button has been replaced with the "Let's go!! I'm not
getting
any younger!" button.

2) I hear "Hava Nagila" during startup.

3) The cursor moves from right to left.

4) When Spellchecker finds an error it prompts, "Is this the best you
can
do?"

5) When I look at erotic images, my computer says, "If your mother
knew you did this, she would die."

6) It comes with a "monitor cleaning solution" from Manischewitz that
advertises it gets rid of all the "schmutz und drek."

7) When running "Scan Disk" it prompts with me with a "You want I
should fix this" message?

8) After 20 minutes of no activity, my PC goes "Schloffen".

9) The PC shuts down automatically at sundown on Friday evenings.

10) It comes with two hard drives-one for fleyshedik (business
software) and one for milchedik (games).

11) Instead of getting a "General Protection Fault" error, my PC now
gets"Ferklempt"

12) The multimedia player has been renamed to "Nu, so play my music
already!"

13) Internet Explorer has a spinning "Star of David" in the upper
right
corner.

14) When my PC is working too hard, I occasionally hear a loud "Oy
Gevalt!"

15) Computer viruses can now be cured with matzo ball soup.

16) When disconnecting external devices from the back of my PC, I am
instructed to "Remove the cable from the PC's tuchus."

17) After my computer dies, I have to dispose of it within 24 hours.

18) But best of all, if you have a kosher computer, you can't get
Spam!