Mother in Law chapter II

that is a good point noddy.
I do basic computer maintance on my own desktop 3 times a week. Defrag once a week.
I would be more then willing to do little stuff like that for someone.
I could even use some of the information i have learned from Timber..

hmm..

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His choice of words may may POSSIBLY reflect the idea that a cold shower needs to be cold.He certainly didn't get the high pressure hose out.

Doctors have a tough and long training and they see things,many things,that we wouldn't wish to even think about.This has an effect on them which it is sometimes difficult for the rest of us to appreciate.I feel pretty sure he meant well.He did take rather a lot of trouble and judging by his posts I would guess he is a fairly busy man.I think if you had approached him with a little more respect you might have got something useful out of him.

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Shewolf, have you considered the idea of a pardon if the conviction is the major stumbling block? People can get their record expunged through a pardon granted by the govenor of the state where the conviction was made, right?

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I dont know?
I dont really know what I could do to possibly get this off my record.
It isnt that I argue with punishment.. it is just that, with a felony, i will be hindered with basic living needs for the rest of my life. It isnt like a felony goes away or is over looked in a few years like a misdemeanor is. I have gone to 'support groups' so to speak, for people with felonies. There are people there who got felonies in thier 20's, are now in their 50's and still hindered by the conviction.
I believe the label and punishment of 'felon' is too easily handed out . I believe a murder, rapist, child molestor etc should ALWAYS have to be watched in everything they do. Felon label is fair and warrented there. But i have paid my dues, no longer work with a license i amnot responsible enough to manage... but .. in my 40's and 50's i will still pay for it..
How do you convince a judge or jury of that?
Much more, how in the world can I afford it? hehe

I have a network of people here who have some small resources that i can tap into for help and with the growing number of attendees to these groups, only more opportunities can come of it.
The neitherworld of housekeeping ( as soz put it Laughing

) is one of those places to earn honest money and have the back ground over looked .

I think I should look into my possibilities of getting this off my record. It has never crossed my mind before as a REAL option..more of a pipe dream..

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spendius wrote:

His choice of words may may POSSIBLY reflect the idea that a cold shower needs to be cold.He certainly didn't get the high pressure hose out.

Doctors have a tough and long training and they see things,many things,that we wouldn't wish to even think about.This has an effect on them which it is sometimes difficult for the rest of us to appreciate.I feel pretty sure he meant well.He did take rather a lot of trouble and judging by his posts I would guess he is a fairly busy man.I think if you had approached him with a little more respect you might have got something useful out of him.

maybe. Maybe not.
As I said before , he was wrong in somethings, but right on the button for others.

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In England we have a Rehabilitation Of Offenders Act.There is a scale of seriousness and at the lower end a conviction is expunged after,I think 3 years.It may be lower-I'm not certain.It vanishes.
This was brought in to prevent the negative consequences of doing otherwise.Anybody who mentions a record that is out of the time is guilty of an offence.

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Here are the portions of erdoc's posts that caused me to label him "a complete idiot":

Quote:

(Incidentally, historically, stolen prescription pads are used to gain illegal access to narcotics, and certainly not to write orders for patients. As I stated - there was no prescription to be written for this man in his situation. Are you absolutely sure you did not use it for your own personal purposes?)

You stated that you have a history of addiction issues and obviously are not able to control your emotions or your impulses.

It is interesting that you have a fan club here who speaks of your heroic efforts in saving this man's life at the same time they condemn your partner for enabling your mother-in-law in her impulsive, irresponsible and addictive behaviors. Curious that they do not recognize the fact that they are as enabling to you in your destructive impulses as your partner is toward his mother.

And if you don't like your mother-in-law- get the hell out of her house and stop mooching off her. You talk about the example she is setting for your daughter - what about the example you are setting. Get a job, and try to be law abiding next time.

.... people praising those who perform such illegal acts happens much more rarely. Makes me wonder about the people on this forum and if they are representative of the public at large. One can only hope not...

I'm curious as to how you or anyone else can defend the act she described at the hospital, or her current willingness to live off of her mother-in-law's charity and then proceed to publicly trash the woman on a public forum.

I stand by my previous evaluation of him. In my opinion, kindness and helping were the farthest things from his mind when he said these things. I do not believe he was trying to "help" you.

Yet, this is not the real issue in this thread.

Shewolf, what was it that set MIL off in the first place? Your impending marriage? Something at work? An anniversary (of perhaps her husbands' death?) Did I just miss that in my reading?

Sometimes (not always) it can help to stop a drinking binge by understanding what started it in the first place.

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Oh, and the fact that he criticized not only you, but ALL of my friends on A2K, was what really set me off.

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I do think there could have been an impulse to help people that he thought were being "taken in" -- that, for example, wouldn't want to offer help if they were more suspicious.

Major misreading of the entire situation (of which, of course, this thread is only one piece).

Speaking of which, I think (am not sure) that the drinking has been going on pretty much from day one, and has just increased in severity.

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this was in no way a binge.
this is a daily thing. This is the amount she is UP to on a daily basis.
we just dont see it much because she stays in her room.
We sneak in at night just to make sure she is alive.
Rarely- if ever, do we SEE her drunk.
Actually.. rarely do we see her.

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:-(

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shewolfnm wrote:

this was in no way a binge.
this is a daily thing. This is the amount she is UP to on a daily basis.
we just dont see it much because she stays in her room.
We sneak in at night just to make sure she is alive.
Rarely- if ever, do we SEE her drunk.
Actually.. rarely do we see her.

Oh no! I thought it was a binge because it's a new thing for her to call in "drunk" to work.

Big happy thoughts going your way, Shewolf.

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Check this out Shewolf,

Quote:

WHAT IS A FULL PARDON?

A full pardon restores certain citizenship rights forfeited by law as the result of a criminal conviction, such as the right to serve on a jury and the right to hold public office. In Texas, voting rights are automatically restored when one discharges a felony sentence. (See more detailed explanation in the next question, HOW ARE VOTING RIGHTS RESTORED?)

A full pardon will remove barriers to some, but not all, types of employment and professional licensing. However, licenses are granted at the discretion of the state licensing boards of each profession, and it is advisable to contact those boards directly to learn whether a pardon is necessary or sufficient to restore licensing eligibility in a particular field. A pardon will not restore eligibility to become a licensed peace officer in Texas.

A person who is convicted and who receives a full pardon is entitled under Article 55.01(a)(1)(B) to an expunction of all arrest records relating to the conviction. The arrest is not automatically expunged upon a grant of a full pardon. This can only be accomplished by petitioning a court in the county of conviction.

Requests for Full Pardons must be mailed to:

Texas Board of Pardons and Paroles
Executive Clemency Section
P.O. Box 13401, Capitol Station
Austin, Texas 78711

http://www.tdcj.state.tx.us/bpp/exec_clem/exec_clem.html

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Good find!! That looks promising.

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Constant dropping wears away the stone.

M-i-l may not be increasing her liquor intake--she may just have worn down Shewolf's compassion bumpers.

I have been on the fringes of AA for more than 40 years--my first m-i-l was an emotional drunk--but I've never attended meetings on a regular basis.

Once again, I want to recommend AlAnon. About 10 years ago I read an article that mentioned AlAnon as one of many programs that help families to deal with the unspeakable.

The incident I remember from the AlAnon summary was a society matron who had strained her back dragging her drunken husband in from the front yard where he'd passed out (after driving himself home!).

A black woman who had dealt with several generations of alcoholics rose to her feet and said, "Honey. Save your energy. Save your back. Next time you just leave him out in the front yard where Jesus threw him."

I think Mr. Wolf needs to feel OK about stopping being an enabler.

He needs the back-up of a peer group--people who have been personally tortured by alcoholics.

Maybe you'll have to spend the meetings sitting in the car rocking Bean--although I'm sure she'd be welcomed and you'd have to limit the bites of doughnuts she's allowed.

Move forward--or you're all stuck in your mother-in-law's passing-out lot.

Hold your dominion.

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Nods.

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I am just starting to read through this thread. Shewolf, you have my deep respect and sympathy.

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Noddy24 wrote:

Constant dropping wears away the stone.

M-i-l may not be increasing her liquor intake--she may just have worn down Shewolf's compassion bumpers..

Yes and no.
Yes, it feels that my compassion is almost gone.
No. She has increased her drinking.
She used to drink a glass.. maybe two and with dinner , down stairs , no shame.
That moved to 2, glasses, 3, 4, 5,... this was early on when we first moved here. We started talking to here right away when we noticed , what was one or two glasses EVERY NIGHT. We had started offering diffrent options. Walking, talking, i found free support groups for her, convinced her to seek help through her employee assistance program..etc.
It only got worse. Soon it was half a bottle, then one bottle.
About the time it was one bottle a night, she began drinking beer downstairs. She would drink 2beers really fast, proclaim she was tired and run upstairs to drink her bottle.
Again- we pointed out what we saw and broke our backs trying to help.
She said she would stop drinking each time. Rolling Eyes

All she did, was attempt to 'hide' her bottles in her purse, grocery bag, what ever.. so she could take it upstairs.
What started as a glass a night has moved to a bottle and a half a day.

Noddy24 wrote:

I have been on the fringes of AA for more than 40 years--my first m-i-l was an emotional drunk--but I've never attended meetings on a regular basis.

Once again, I want to recommend AlAnon. About 10 years ago I read an article that mentioned AlAnon as one of many programs that help families to deal with the unspeakable...

I hear you. Loud and clear.
Alanon it is..

Noddy24 wrote:

I think Mr. Wolf needs to feel OK about stopping being an enabler.

He needs the back-up of a peer group--people who have been personally tortured by alcoholics.

Move forward--or you're all stuck in your mother-in-law's passing-out lot.

Hold your dominion.

This is what tuggs at myheart strings.
I know this is exactly what he is doing.
He takes all physical responsibility from her , and essentially leaves her with nothing to do. HE takes her railroading and manipulation of his emotions and will blame himself for not doing things for her.
I know he loves his mom, no matter how much he hates her as well. And that has to be a horrible place to be in.
She uses his fathers death as a stone to throw at him when ever she wants him to do something.
Example - mow the lawn.
She tells him how much his father used to do that and she cant ( there is NO physical reason she can not mind you.. ) and how his father did it every week, then looks at Ian and says, you dont know what it is like to miss him . You dont know what it is like to not have him around. You have no idea.
And Ian is left... standing there staring at this wicked manipulative woman who has just insulted him on more levels then one.. and jumps to do it so he can ' prove his love'.

And that is the big red hot button for my emotions.
Her mentally abusing her son my husband as she does.
Yes he needs to see this as clearly as I do/
Yes he needs support
Yes he needs to stop
and he also needs room to grieve his father as well.
Right now , i think he is grieving his mother more, and she knows it, and keeps him there as a form of control when she feels she doesnt have any.

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Still here, sending loving, supportive thoughts.

Noddy's post was on spot. You are right there as far as understanding your husband's emotional conflicts. Anything that helps, anything, is worth a try.

Bean is budding and this is bringing back sweet memories. Yay Bean! Smooch. Hugs to all.

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Mother in Law chapter II

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