Everyday for the past several months groceries have been brought into the house, put on the counter and left. Trash is thrown at the trash can, or left on the counter, or ...if we are lucky, she will put it in a bag and place it next to the trash can. Doesnt happen very often. Glasses full of juice, soy milk, and plates with half eaten food are left on the counters, on the table and ..again.. if we are lucky she will put it in the sink.
It is essentailly a ' scavenger hunt" for her mess sometimes because you never know where the food will be left and so Bean doesnt end up putting in it her mouth several days and a few pieces of mold later.. I gotta find it .
Everyday, no matter what I am freaked out about 5 pm when I know she is getting off work. And i make jillian remain in her high chair so I can go around the house and make sure there is nothing out of place. You know why?
Because she, when drunk, blames me for her mess. Just like that.
It is as if I ampaid to go behind her and clean up.
I had my first client today.
That felt great.
It was an initial clean for 3 hours. After that we spent a good hour or so just talking. She is a really great woman! I had fun working with and for her. I got home about 6 or so. Took over with Bean care, bathed her, fed her dinner, put her to bed.
While I was gone, Ian was doing that .. of course.. hehe
He left some dishes in the sink from their lunch. It wasnt much. A plate from him, her glass and bowl, and his glass and silverware
According to mother in law, that was MY MESS.. She even asked me why i made it.. Having told her several times.. mind you she is drunk.. she tells me she doesnt beleive me and that the mess is mine. It is what I did, and Ishould clean it up.
This is the mindset I always had a suspicion she was in. That no matter who does what, it is my mess. She can watch Ian make dinner, and make a mess while he is cooking.. and later on , yell at me as if I am a piad housekeeper.
The dishes are always clean. The floor is always swept, the counters are always washed, Jillians toys are always put away, the trash is always taken out.. and I had to listen to her tell me that I did nothing, that Ian did everything.
No matter how much we corrected her. No matter how much i showed her the 'chore list' that ian and i have come up with by ourSELVES, she tells me that it is always my fault. Over and Over and OVer again..
So, i got tired and being childish, i went to the kitchen, dining room and livcing room where she has just dumped everything.
She insists, that she makes no mess. Ever. Everything that is out of order is MINE.. in her mind.
So I scooped up the opened and un opened mail, the magazines, the trash, the packages of food, the booklets, the empty water bottles ... i mean EVERYTHING.. and i piled it at her feet.
It was a pile big enough to almost come to her knees. These are things that she has left, thrown down or told us .. " Im just going to leave it here".. while she goes and drinks for several days.
I took advantage of the fact that she was drunk, to yell at her. Like i have always wanted to. She wont remeber.. but I feel better. Terrible thing to do, I know. But I am so tired of being used as a scapegoat to her own lack of cleaning. I am tired of being told that everything that is out of order in this house is my fault as if I dont so a thing to keep this house clean. I am tired of being blamed for messes that dont belong to me to the point that she thinks I should leave.
After i piled things up in front of her so she could see the clutter she has created in the last 48 hours.. she got pissed. Confronted with reality.. she tried to wiggle out of it and said things like.. " I dont want to clean up'. or " that isnt my mess you are lying" ( while the mail was addressed to her
) and when she couldnt argue anything any more, she stood up and said to get out of her house. Just me. Not ian, not bean.. just me. She said she has never liked me and doesnt want me here anyways. She had to let me in because I am her grandaughters mother. But nothing more. Nice huh?
So after that feverpitch, more yelling resumed. Each of us showing her how things have become SO MUCH worse since she started drinking 24-7. Truthfully, things wereNOT this bad when she was just drinking at night , after dinner, in her room. She wasnt this hateful, she wasnt this angry, she wasnt this .. mean. But now , she wakes up, drinks, falls asleep, wakes up from her nap, drinks, falls asleep, wakes up in the middle of the night, drinks, falls asleep. She drinks almost 2 bottles of wine a day. I mean.. just shy of 2 bottles by about 1 or 2 glasses. That much alcohol has made her a hateful person. We tried to show her how things have been terrible living there trying to main tain a whirlwind house that is treated like a trash dump . How we cant fight all the time because she is drunk and feeling miserable. How we have done so much for her to try to make her feel better and offer help. From stained concrete floors, to painting the walls, to planting trees, flowers, tilling the yard, re arranging furniture, moving things from the garage , packing her mothers stuff and moving that here, removing old carpet, old furniture.. the list could go on and on. And it has from day 1. Aside from basic house cleaning, we have done things to add property VALUE to this house as well.
But all of that doesnt matter when she is drunk and we become the soul reason for her unhappyness. Because we are here, she is unhappy, if we leave , she will be unhappy, if we use a dish she is unhappy, if we wash a dish she is unhappy.. we have become a crutch for her drinking and it is getting harder and harder to manage. We can no longer support this " crutch" but are in no immediate ability to move.
I have a working plan in order to get us out. And it starts with me getting odd jobs cleaning. At this point it will be 6 months before we can finally begin looking for a place outside of here. So my best bet is to just keep sane, keep in mind that this is temporary , and handle my customers as if they were gold so I can re-use them as referrances later.
>sigh<
As the wolf family turns..
