Dunno why it being the first time should change things. Essentially, what's happened is that the former intimacy was taken advantage of so that fooling around could be accomplished, so far as I can tell. It's called Friends with Benefits, yes?
Yes friends with Benefits it what it is called... and is what he and I both want but he gets jealous easily (and so do I, but I tend to hide it, he doesn't)...
Basically what has happened is he basically told me he wants to be with me but he doesn't want to get hurt and for having known him for three years and already having gone out with him twice, it would be him that gets hurt.... we had a painful past because of the hurt that we caused each other and we care deeply about each other....
Knowing that he will get hurt much more than me, I know I should let this go BUT I don't want to, because he makes me happy and he makes me laugh and we have sooo much fun together
and it's wacky that he's behaving in a possessive fashion if he doesn't want a relationship or isn't sure. I mean, he doesn't (or shouldn't) get those kinds of perks, like showing the world that things are exclusive between you two, unless they really are.
That is his jealous side, he is just confused with what he wants and I am trying to give him what he wants right now, but I know in my heart that I want more, and I know that he wants more, we just aren't at that point yet and I am not sure if we ever will be
(2) Intimacy happened anyway, I assume the first time together (correct me if I'm wrong), according to your post.
Yes that was the first time for that between the two of us
(3) You went to a mall (as opposed to actually out on an actual date) and he gave off exclusivity signals to whatever guys he saw.
We went to the mall because it was his first day of work and I dropped him off there, then I hung out with our friends and went shopping while we waited for him (he only had to fill out paper work, it took him about half an hour)... then we went and met back up with him... so it wasn't a date at all, just a group of us at the mall.
(4) But ... then what?
(5) And you are left wondering. And wanting a relationship, which is where one-nighters can get tricky. If both parties just want to have fun, like I said, hey, you're both grown-ups. But if you're in different places emotionally, it means someone gets hurt. Right now, it's looking like you will be the one to get hurt if this continues.
I am not worried about getting hurt, he already hurt me before, I don't think he could possibly hurt me that much again, but it could be possible... but now that a few years have past, we have both changed and grown... but I just don't want to hurt him, or hurt myself by trying not to hurt him and neglecting my feelings
(6) Where will it lead? Who knows? But back up a second. Would #2 have happened if you were not exes? Was it vulnerability (on either or both parts) that caused #2 to happen? Do you think this is a good foundation for a relationship? Personally, I think it's a shaky one.
No, #2 would not have happened if we were not exes... I agree, It is very shaky, I am just going to take it day by day and not stress over it
Sorry if this is coming across as harsh, I just see red flags everywhere and hope that, if you step back and analyze this, that you will, too.[/color]
No, you were not harsh, I respect your honesty, that is what I am looking for... I agree, I see the red flags also... my problem is that I have a tendency to ignore the red flags and just dive in head first and take the plunge into the unknown.