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One Night Stand or More?

 
 
Reply Mon 19 Sep, 2005 06:14 am
I have a question about One Night Stands... Now lets just say that you and your ex have been seeing each other and in one night of "passion" you got as close as two humans can possibly get.... and now you have the chance to repeat those nights actions as many times as you want, but neither of you want to get attached (again) and neither want a relationship (but deep down a part of you and a part of him really do want one, you just can't decide)....

Do you leave it as a one night stand or do you continue to do this while taking the chance of getting hurt or getting attached??

Just wondering Embarrassed Laughing Shocked
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Type: Discussion • Score: 0 • Views: 2,624 • Replies: 41
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jespah
 
  1  
Reply Mon 19 Sep, 2005 06:37 am
Leave it. There's a reason why they're called exes.
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gustavratzenhofer
 
  1  
Reply Mon 19 Sep, 2005 06:42 am
I believe Slappy would be the one to answer that particular question, CrazieLady.
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Bella Dea
 
  1  
Reply Mon 19 Sep, 2005 06:45 am
CL, you are a grown woman capable of deciding whether or not a great f*ck is worth tears and heartache. Because like it or not, you know that is what will happen. So, if you feel like either a) you can remain FF's or b) you can withstand the inevitable hurt, go for it. If not, walk away while you still can.


By the way, how are you feeling these days?
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Crazielady420
 
  1  
Reply Mon 19 Sep, 2005 06:47 am
jespah wrote:
Leave it. There's a reason why they're called exes.


What if it is the first time you and this ex ever had sex?? Would that change things at all.

Is the 3rd time the charm?
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Crazielady420
 
  1  
Reply Mon 19 Sep, 2005 06:48 am
Bella Dea wrote:
CL, you are a grown woman capable of deciding whether or not a great f*ck is worth tears and heartache. Because like it or not, you know that is what will happen. So, if you feel like either a) you can remain FF's or b) you can withstand the inevitable hurt, go for it. If not, walk away while you still can.


By the way, how are you feeling these days?


Thanks Bella,

I have been feeling much better lately, I had to leave the second job because my grandfather is sick and is going for surgery this week but overall everything seems to be falling into place.. I have been happy for the most part, the only thing I have been having trouble with is being back home, they are starting to really get on my case again.
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Crazielady420
 
  1  
Reply Mon 19 Sep, 2005 06:49 am
gustavratzenhofer wrote:
I believe Slappy would be the one to answer that particular question, CrazieLady.


Should I be scared?
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Crazielady420
 
  1  
Reply Mon 19 Sep, 2005 08:06 am
Now my other question is if I were to continue this would it be possible to eventually get a relationship out of it.... because we talked about this and on minute we want one and then the next we don't... he said he was scared to sleep together because he didn't want to get attached, with is something that would easily happen between him and I.... I am not just thinking about me getting hurt, I don't want to see him get hurt... I really care about him alot
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Slappy Doo Hoo
 
  1  
Reply Mon 19 Sep, 2005 08:30 am
Ex sex is a great time to try things you wouldn't normally do: asphyxiation, role-playing, donkey punching, ect.

Well let me say as a guy, I wouldn't let ex sex get past a one night stand unless I wanted it to move into a relationship. Someone always gets attached while the other doesn't, so it never works out.

By the way, I only charge $50 for a one-night stand(or a six pack of Sam Adams), and I promise never to call again. Think of it this way: you're not paying me to have sex with you, you're paying me to leave.
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Crazielady420
 
  1  
Reply Mon 19 Sep, 2005 08:38 am
Slappy Doo Hoo wrote:
Ex sex is a great time to try things you wouldn't normally do: asphyxiation, role-playing, donkey punching, ect.

Shocked

Quote:
Well let me say as a guy, I wouldn't let ex sex get past a one night stand unless I wanted it to move into a relationship. Someone always gets attached while the other doesn't, so it never works out.


This I can understand, but he is already talking about doing it again.... and now that we have, the next day we all went to the mall to get something and everytime a guy looked at me or I walked away he grabbed onto me or something to make it look like we were together.... I mean maybe he is just possesive but he confuses my soo much

Quote:
By the way, I only charge $50 for a one-night stand(or a six pack of Sam Adams), and I promise never to call again. Think of it this way: you're not paying me to have sex with you, you're paying me to leave.


How about you give me $50 and I'll slap ya around a little bit Laughing
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Slappy Doo Hoo
 
  1  
Reply Mon 19 Sep, 2005 08:46 am
I was kidding about the trying sick/twisted things part. Except for the part where I left out gerbils.

You want to spank me? Damn, will you not be so foward? See who wears the pants in your relationships.

So he's already talking about doing it again, but you just have to figure out whether you can deal with only sex with him, since there's a strong possibility that's all it will be. Prepare yourself for nothing.
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jespah
 
  1  
Reply Mon 19 Sep, 2005 08:50 am
Crazielady420 wrote:
jespah wrote:
Leave it. There's a reason why they're called exes.


What if it is the first time you and this ex ever had sex?? Would that change things at all.

Is the 3rd time the charm?


Dunno why it being the first time should change things. Essentially, what's happened is that the former intimacy was taken advantage of so that fooling around could be accomplished, so far as I can tell. It's called Friends with Benefits, yes?

Crazielady420 wrote:
Now my other question is if I were to continue this would it be possible to eventually get a relationship out of it.... because we talked about this and on minute we want one and then the next we don't... he said he was scared to sleep together because he didn't want to get attached, with is something that would easily happen between him and I.... I am not just thinking about me getting hurt, I don't want to see him get hurt... I really care about him alot


Just sounds to me like this guy is getting some fun without having to take you out or anything, or have any of the other trappings of a regular relationship. And if that's what you want, hey, go for it, you're both adults. But I doubt that a relationship will ensue from this, and it's wacky that he's behaving in a possessive fashion if he doesn't want a relationship or isn't sure. I mean, he doesn't (or shouldn't) get those kinds of perks, like showing the world that things are exclusive between you two, unless they really are.

To sum up:
(1) He was scared to become intimate as that would possibly bring you guys back into a relationship.
(2) Intimacy happened anyway, I assume the first time together (correct me if I'm wrong), according to your post.
(3) You went to a mall (as opposed to actually out on an actual date) and he gave off exclusivity signals to whatever guys he saw.
(4) But ... then what?
(5) And you are left wondering. And wanting a relationship, which is where one-nighters can get tricky. If both parties just want to have fun, like I said, hey, you're both grown-ups. But if you're in different places emotionally, it means someone gets hurt. Right now, it's looking like you will be the one to get hurt if this continues.
(6) Where will it lead? Who knows? But back up a second. Would #2 have happened if you were not exes? Was it vulnerability (on either or both parts) that caused #2 to happen? Do you think this is a good foundation for a relationship? Personally, I think it's a shaky one.

Sorry if this is coming across as harsh, I just see red flags everywhere and hope that, if you step back and analyze this, that you will, too.
0 Replies
 
Crazielady420
 
  1  
Reply Mon 19 Sep, 2005 08:55 am
Slappy Doo Hoo wrote:
I was kidding about the trying sick/twisted things part. Except for the part where I left out gerbils.


I have no comment, maybe my sex life is just plain f*cked up

Quote:
You want to spank me? Damn, will you not be so foward? See who wears the pants in your relationships.


Spank, slap, eh whatever...

Quote:
So he's already talking about doing it again, but you just have to figure out whether you can deal with only sex with him, since there's a strong possibility that's all it will be. Prepare yourself for nothing.


I have myself prepared for nothing as of this moment, it is him I am worried about... I could go either way and I don't think it would bother me... But when we spoke about it before it happened we actually decided not to do it, because he was afraid he'd get attached... and then for some odd reason I felt the need to convince him that it wouldn't happen and that sex is just sex.... Errrrrr... he tends to be rather sensitive at some points, ok at alot of points, he is more like a girl when it comes to his emotions, but he isn't ashamed of that...
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Crazielady420
 
  1  
Reply Mon 19 Sep, 2005 09:14 am
Quote:
Dunno why it being the first time should change things. Essentially, what's happened is that the former intimacy was taken advantage of so that fooling around could be accomplished, so far as I can tell. It's called Friends with Benefits, yes?


Yes friends with Benefits it what it is called... and is what he and I both want but he gets jealous easily (and so do I, but I tend to hide it, he doesn't)...

Basically what has happened is he basically told me he wants to be with me but he doesn't want to get hurt and for having known him for three years and already having gone out with him twice, it would be him that gets hurt.... we had a painful past because of the hurt that we caused each other and we care deeply about each other....

Knowing that he will get hurt much more than me, I know I should let this go BUT I don't want to, because he makes me happy and he makes me laugh and we have sooo much fun together


Quote:
and it's wacky that he's behaving in a possessive fashion if he doesn't want a relationship or isn't sure. I mean, he doesn't (or shouldn't) get those kinds of perks, like showing the world that things are exclusive between you two, unless they really are.


That is his jealous side, he is just confused with what he wants and I am trying to give him what he wants right now, but I know in my heart that I want more, and I know that he wants more, we just aren't at that point yet and I am not sure if we ever will be


Quote:
(2) Intimacy happened anyway, I assume the first time together (correct me if I'm wrong), according to your post.


Yes that was the first time for that between the two of us

Quote:
(3) You went to a mall (as opposed to actually out on an actual date) and he gave off exclusivity signals to whatever guys he saw.


We went to the mall because it was his first day of work and I dropped him off there, then I hung out with our friends and went shopping while we waited for him (he only had to fill out paper work, it took him about half an hour)... then we went and met back up with him... so it wasn't a date at all, just a group of us at the mall.

Quote:
(4) But ... then what?
(5) And you are left wondering. And wanting a relationship, which is where one-nighters can get tricky. If both parties just want to have fun, like I said, hey, you're both grown-ups. But if you're in different places emotionally, it means someone gets hurt. Right now, it's looking like you will be the one to get hurt if this continues.


I am not worried about getting hurt, he already hurt me before, I don't think he could possibly hurt me that much again, but it could be possible... but now that a few years have past, we have both changed and grown... but I just don't want to hurt him, or hurt myself by trying not to hurt him and neglecting my feelings

Quote:
(6) Where will it lead? Who knows? But back up a second. Would #2 have happened if you were not exes? Was it vulnerability (on either or both parts) that caused #2 to happen? Do you think this is a good foundation for a relationship? Personally, I think it's a shaky one.


No, #2 would not have happened if we were not exes... I agree, It is very shaky, I am just going to take it day by day and not stress over it

Quote:
Sorry if this is coming across as harsh, I just see red flags everywhere and hope that, if you step back and analyze this, that you will, too.[/color]


No, you were not harsh, I respect your honesty, that is what I am looking for... I agree, I see the red flags also... my problem is that I have a tendency to ignore the red flags and just dive in head first and take the plunge into the unknown.

Thank you Very Happy
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FreeDuck
 
  1  
Reply Mon 19 Sep, 2005 09:56 am
How many exes do you have, crazie?
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Crazielady420
 
  1  
Reply Mon 19 Sep, 2005 10:00 am
FreeDuck wrote:
How many exes do you have, crazie?
I have many exes, lol but not too many that were serious, only 3... and no I don't sleep with all of them, I have slept with very few people
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Slappy Doo Hoo
 
  1  
Reply Mon 19 Sep, 2005 10:04 am
74 isn't exactly "very few people."
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Crazielady420
 
  1  
Reply Mon 19 Sep, 2005 10:05 am
Slappy Doo Hoo wrote:
74 isn't exactly "very few people."


Laughing Laughing way off Slappy, 1174 is more like it
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FreeDuck
 
  1  
Reply Mon 19 Sep, 2005 10:09 am
Crazielady420 wrote:
FreeDuck wrote:
How many exes do you have, crazie?
I have many exes, lol but not too many that were serious, only 3... and no I don't sleep with all of them, I have slept with very few people


I didn't mean it like that. Just when you said "ex" I thought it was your most recent ex, but after reading more it seems like maybe not him.
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Crazielady420
 
  1  
Reply Mon 19 Sep, 2005 10:14 am
FreeDuck wrote:
Crazielady420 wrote:
FreeDuck wrote:
How many exes do you have, crazie?
I have many exes, lol but not too many that were serious, only 3... and no I don't sleep with all of them, I have slept with very few people


I didn't mean it like that. Just when you said "ex" I thought it was your most recent ex, but after reading more it seems like maybe not him.


No it is not the recent one, he is an ex that I was very close to and never got over him
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