Etiquette for a Shower for an Out of State Bride... Help!!

Bored!!!

Maybe make mention that she'll be returning to TX and hope that most people will make the mental jump. Those who don't, well, just ship the stuff yourselves....? Too much work? Money?

Hey littlek!!!

I was searching on the web for an answer on this and thought, Hmm I wish I could post this on Abuzz... then I remembered!

Yeah we thought of just mentioning she'll be home and hope people will send the gifts. One of the other bridesmaids husband is a UPS guy (yep he wears brown shorts) and we thought maybe we could set up a little area and people could throw $5 in for shipping or something.

It all sounds so tacky.

I think we should just suck it up and help pay to ship the junk down there.

well, it's a more polite option. But, it's a p-i-t-a.

Bored--

Indicate on the invitation that the theme of the shower is "Portable Treasures". You might investigate the possibility of ordering your hypothetical blender from XYZ Chain in Boston and having it delivered from the XYZ Texas branch?

Gift certificates are possible. Unfortunately, the truly portable gift is cash--and asking for cash is tacky. If someone makes a little donation towards shipping costs, great. Passing the hat for shipping is....vulgar.

Will Boston family and friends be flying or driving down to Texas for the ceremony? You can pack a lot of shower loot in a back seat.

Do your best, and remember that if the bride is old enough and sensible enough to get married, she can probably tackle the shipping problem herself.

Happy party.

* double post

And I think that if she's getting all this shite for free maybe she could get someone to bring all of her new presents to the Post Office before she leaves.

UPS also picks stuff up anywhere. She could bring everything back to where she's staying, or a friends house or a relative house, put it in boxes and have UPS come get it.

Whatever you do, don't ask people for money to ship her presents down. If they wanted to pay for shipping, they would have picked something out over the internet and had it delivered to her. These people are taking their money and their day to spend with your friend - now and at the wedding. Not to mention the cash some of these people will be shelling out to go down to Texas. Asking to ship things, etc. really does look ungrateful.

Maybe I'm not the best one to answer. I hate %$^*ing showers. It's a shake-down.

Thanks Noddy24 and Sugar.

I like the "portable" idea. That way we can maybe mention it and hope they decide to ship it.

I'm not sure where she is registering yet, but I assume it'll be a national chain so everyone can buy the same gift up here or down there.

Sugar, I agree about the shakedown aspect. In one year for a woman I worked with (now never speak to) I had an engagement party, wedding shower, bachelorette, wedding, baby shower and baby gift. (she was pregnant so they got engaged/married). I feel like she 'owes' me the $500 or whatever I spent on her.

In ONE year? She is a con artist.

Yeah, in one year... and of course she never returned from maternity leave. So not only was I stuck with her work for her three months, she never returns. I think she moved to NH or somewhere.

I need to learn to step up and say no to those invites.

She needs a slap.

to the topic "etiquette for a shower for an out of state bride"

i guess make sure the bathroom door is closed and no peeking!

wouldn't shower etiquette be the same for an in-state bride?

shower etiquette differs from state to state?

i'm confused.









btw, hi bored, long time no see.

OK, here's what I can't figure out:

I had a wedding, and I had a baby, but that's it. No engagement party, no bachelorette party, no baby shower. OK one surprise baby shower put on by my staff because they were scandalized that I wasn't having a proper baby shower. But people seemed... disappointed...? contemptuous...? that I didn't do these things. I can't figure out what the balance is between staging a shakedown and being anti-social. I mean, I see my local friends plenty, and am happy to accept congrats, advice, good wishes etc., in the context of everyday get-togethers/ parties. And I don't want to make my out-of-town friends fly in for this crap. (Baby, after she's born, fine. Wedding, fine. But showers?)

Anyway, I'm fairly confused by the whole thing, but quite satisfied with how it worked out.

At any rate, in terms of your situation, bored, (hi!) I really think the only thing you can do is make sure that people know she lives in Texas, then go with whatever happens. Has to be a way to get the stuff to her. They have these carts you can rent for like a buck at almost all airports -- would it be so bad to lend a couple of suitcases, stuff 'em, and check them?

airlines have major weight restrictions....

Dunno which airline she'll be on, but this seems like she could take a fair amount of loot:

http://www.americanworldtravel.com/baggage_restrictions.htm

Hey pueo and sozobe!!

No -- I enjoy giving gifts for my friends for their weddings and babies. (I am also planning a baby shower for my sister in law right now... again regreting that I've never learned to knit or quilt.) But in one year to ask people to attend that many parties where gifts are expected is bad form. She laughed about it at the time and then complained when I didn't have extra cash to go out for lunch.

Yeah, I guess I have to just treat it as any old shower and deal with gift distribution after the shower.

Hiya Bored!

Great to see ya!!!

As far as ettiquette goes, it is impolite to ask the guests to ship the gifts.
The bride-to-be should handle the transport of her gifts on her own.
If she is originally from here, maybe she can leave some with her family, as they will (most likely) be travelling back and forth for the ceremonies. If a few people can carry a bit at a time, it'd be an easy job.

Hey Jerry!!!

Your avitar looks like my cat today, its hairball season!

I agree, I think we just need to suck it up and hope that her family and friends can try to truck some of the stuff down when we fly down for the wedding. Maybe I can "borrow" her stuff for a few months!! She did break my favorite bracelet back in the late 80s.

Bored!!!!! Sorry I'm so late, but you sent this to a WAAAAY out of date email addy. Anyhow, a line at the bottom of the invitation stating that "gifts may be shipped to..." is not necessarily bad form. I used to use it when I composed wedding invitations. However, you may wish to consult a more current source such as a wedding etiquette book. (I haven't dealt in invitations since the early 90's.) Some guests would rather ship a larger gift than lug it to the shower. I've also seen requests for monetary gifts or donations in the name of the bride and groom but they were mostly for the main event. Honestly, much of the hullabaloo associated with the shower is actually witnessing the opening of the gifts.